But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Free Tutoring!!! :(

"Will you please teach me this chapter..My maths ma'am this year is no better than a crap..none of us understand a shit"..This has been a plea i dread ever since i graduated,aka been joblessly loitering at home...from none other than my brother..

"I can't teach you an entire chapter and all..I aint any professional..May be,i can clear a couple of your doubts"

"But,i understood nothing to have doubts..Don't you get my point?"

"But how would i dexterously TEACH??"

So there goes my 'tutoring' in maths,despite all my cribbing,out of which he scores 39/40,and i earn the name of a naturally skillful teacher,which otherwise should have been something i could gloat over..But as in spiderman,'With greater powers,come greater responsibilities'..If it was just maths that he claimed not to have understood,physics and chemistry were no better thereon..On thorough interrogation comes his excuses,"You know,none of the boys are attentive in the class..What dumbass are you..Had you not been studying in co-education for 16yrs,and still you dunno the basic psychology?"

Now i look dumb,just as he called me..and i realize that he wouldn't relent unless i at least clear his doubts..And hence i ask him to read the text book aloud,and there comes 'spectroscopy' in physics..First doubt!!.."Check dictionary,what the meaning of the term is..If you are still not satisfied,just Google it..that's the modern way of studying"..That's none other than me! I'm truly grateful to the most wonderful of all inventions,Google..

But doubts seldom pertain to just the terms..but encroach to the tougher realms of problems in laws of motion,which can be solved using differential calculus..I start solving the problem,and there comes the next doubt,"What's differential calculus?What's d/dt??"Obviously,the kids have not been taught calculus yet,and physics needs calculus..Screw the syllabus..and i'm doomed,and i teach calculus,to no avail..i ain't any good teacher as my impression is..

"You can use calculators in the college??How lucky you are,we need to do all the big calculations by ourselves!!",poor guy..to which i shower my sympathy asking,"Why don't you use Log tables??"

"Yeah..you so well read my mind!!! I was about to ask you to teach me Log!!! We don't have it in the curriculum you see!"

Oh shit..Stercus Accidit..Shit happens..over n over again in my case..

Those are the times i revere my school teachers..those angels from heaven,some of who appeared to be witches then..who very well cleared my stupider queries without being the least annoyed!

Those days when i was equally non-attentive in the class,with pamela ma'am,not pamela anderson,my chemi teacher,calling my name without raising her head from the book she was reading from,to wake me up from the deep dreamy slumber i was in..and yet be so loving and caring..

Those days when i used to ping on my sanskrit sir with utopian questions,until he would say,lemme refer and let you know later..

The days when my maths teacher,preetha ma'am,the tall,fair and beautiful teacher with impeccable features and sweet voice,and an equally promising brains,burn people with her acid tongue.."Better get married off than getting screwed in maths exam..But beware,married life is tougher than maths exam" used to be her ultimatum..
Those days when my physics ma'am,who was the university topper,would swear at us with words that were unheard of during those days.."Idiotic monkeys" was the commonest and the most decent one..

The only exception being the biology teacher,who people never chose to approach with questions,thanks to her marathon classes which reminds us of hitler's concentration camps..If he knew of her then,he could rather have used her lectures as a better way of torturing..

How did they manage to infuse such knowledge into we block headed nitwits is something that baffles me now!!..If i were to say,teachers in the college,if not all most,need not be included in the list,for i've long realized that we students are a lot more quick witted than they are..People who manage to do not even a single proof without the aide of the books..

"Hey,i have an exam tomorrow..You are anyway jobless right..Just read this chapter in chemistry and get me the gist of it..I'll revise in the morning"

WTF! Do i appear to be some foot board to be stamped by everyone??

PS:Yet another product of my boredom!! :D

Khuda Hafiz


gkam said...

As the Chinese proverb goes:
"Those who can do,
Those who cannot, Teach."

How lambasting is that for those who made us read, write and comprehend.

Rather it should be:
"Those who can read and comprehend should be thankful to those who teach"

came across ur blog while blog-hopping :D

good read!

Anonymous said...

Oh! In the text book, the meaning of spectroscopy is given somewhere after two or three pages. I hate that atomic structure chapter! Why the hell do you have to burn your head studying all the wrong theories!

Dhanya said...

This one is so funny :D Serves you right for being good at Maths? ;)

Happybirdie said...

ohh dear!!!I can very well understand this..I v graduated just now..all d best..lol;)

Durga Nandan said...

Di I am laughing out loud... :D :D

"Google" yeah!! Wish I could say that when sis asks me doubts. But man, she is far more stubborn than me. Wont lemme go until I explain stuff.

Preetha mam promised me a groundnut shop. :D :D :D [for being so lazy and bad at math then..]
I still have to get it from her. :P :P

Bindu mam and her temper.. :D Man, I wish I could infuriate her yet again to see that beautiful cute face, angry.:) Man I miss her.. :)

We had Usha Ma'm thank god. :D :D I was never into her concentration camp for long. :D

Though out of boredom, damn nice post. :) Good luck with ur bro. :D
Cheerz di!
Jo :) [Durga]

sujata said...

apart from maths and physics you have to tutor on creative writing as well..that should be fun. Gosh really how do you manage to like and then teach stuuff like calculus..

Thousif Raza said...

it was really good gayu, made me smile and yes and made me wonder too, really

i remember my organizational behavior ma'am looking t me with puzzled face when i asked so many questions now i know how she feels, nice one

take care and keep writing..........

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

hey i have a test tomorrow...will u study std 1st to std 10th sci lessons and give me a gist of it in ur blog :)

hehehe...u know what u can hate me for this, i keep telling my friends to do the same thing ;-)

HaRy!! said...

he he stil remember the golden days in scool when my doubts made my mam think that am dumb...now i wonder who is ? all de best :)..

Sat_hi_sh said...

lolz u fared much better in school then myself :D

Nd i concur with u about "Google" ,its the greatest product internet has to offer :)

keep blogging :)

Mon Espace said...

No one else but ur siblings can take you for granted..u might miss all this attention later on :)

Neha said...

hahahaha, that was some post...well visiting your blog after that short story, and got to read a real hilarious post (sorry babe, i know what you must have gone thru, but still can't control laughing at the situation)...

"Hey,i have an exam tomorrow..You are anyway jobless right..Just read this chapter in chemistry and get me the gist of it..I'll revise in the morning"

you must have felt like pulling ur (or his) hair outta fury na ;)

pawan said...

At least I can ask when my sister asks me doubts!
But nevertheless, try becoming a teacher, then you could be much happier! :P

pawan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aparna said...

Guruji, would you mind coming to Mumbai and teaching my daughter some calculus and spectroscopy(whatever that is)And while you are at it, can you also teach her how to be a responsible and caring older sister? Thank you, I will be forever grateful.

Anonymous said...

Math is greek and latin to me. I gave a tough time to all the Math Teachers.

Indrajit said...

I read it half and would try to com bakc , not muc time now...

tc... n kp writng.

The Holy Lama said...

Loved it. But as it is, your brother will make sure that you are in touch always.

The abstract scientist said...

hahaha, it only adds salt to our wounds of unemployment, dunno about you, but it does to me.

Sucharita Sarkar said...

The best teachers, our parents, do teach us for free. but being a teacher by profession, I can sympathise with you.

Amrit said...

Hey..thanks for the wishes. And dont worry about my flattery..I will ensure that I continue to do so wherever I am :D

Gayathri said...

@gkam yeah true,we are all grateful to our teachers as well as parents :)
Welcome here :)

@Ramya,lool..you first learn the wrong ones as if they were right..then you learn that they were in fact wrong..and later on u r enlightened with the right ones :P

Gayathri said...

@Dhanya..after burning my head learning 11th,12th and 4yrs ki btech,i revert my path to 11th std to ratify darwin's theory of evolution!! :D

@Happybirdie,a co-passenger!! :D

Gayathri said...

@Joe,yeah,the kappalandi kada offer,i rem :P :P..and the concentration camp makes me laugh now..has served for at least some 2-3 posts..

@Sujata,aah..i would rather send my bro to u for creative writing..i have no patience..and calculus,i love..not teaching though :D

Gayathri said...

@Thousif,yeah doubt-'ful' kids can be really annoying!! :P

@Gayathri,lool,..i have friends like that too..and i wonder how they all figure me out as a prosperous prey to nag and brag!!

Gayathri said...

@Hary,aren't you really dumb?? ;) :P

@Satish,so how were u in school ??

Gayathri said...

@Veda,omg,don't even start on that line..i keep hearing that 24*7 from my parents :(

@Neha,yeah female,.kya kare,mein ithna guileless ho gaya :D :D

Gayathri said...

@Pawan,yeah i suppose im a good teacher..of course im not being simply pompous..but i have the least patience for a teacher!!

@Aparna,cmon gimme a break,you didn't even let me respond??Rhetoric plays :P :P

Gayathri said...

@Surya,he he..i loved maths..like hell!!

@Indrajit,eh,i gave u a boring time it seems ? :P welcome though :)

Gayathri said...

@Holylama,in touch??where am i gonna be??in some exile? ;)
Thanks for dropping by :)

@Jay,lol..final days of fun at home dude..so just enjoying n bragging about it :D

Gayathri said...

@Sucharita,yeah i forever am grateful to first my mom,the one who had patiently brought me up,and my primary teachers :D

@Amrit,Good,make sure u keep me flying :P