But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What next?

She was violent with fits..With all my fortitude,i asked Dr.Ravi to pay special attention to her..
It's been 18yrs..

It was my first day at college..The euphoria of standing under the limelight being the 1st ranker in state medical entrance added to the excitement of the long awaited medicos life was clearly visible in my face..I couldn't just be composed..

Long speeches on the nobility of medical profession,the ethics to be followed,the service to be rendered..It was the freshers addressing,by the principal..Speeches can be rapturously spellbinding as well as effing boring..this belonged to the latter..not coz he was speaking any bullshit..but becoz words were flowing not as a river but as a waterfall!! You capture attention when you speak from your heart,being pristine clear about what next to speak while at the same time put your point candid and succinct..

I was tired of yawning..and that was when she caught my glimpse..The tall one in red salwar with a long black hair beautifully braided..with a gleaming spotless face and a small bindi just between the perfectly curved brows..the long dark eyes and carefully carved nose..the slightly pinkish gluttonous lips..I was jolted out of my dream world when i realized it was no more the raspy harangue i was listening to but this girl's song..i couldn't fathom if her looks added grace marks to the voice,but it definitely was sweet..

That was Padma..Did i ever have a clue while ogling at her shamelessly that she was gonna be my classmate and labmate and one of my best friends in the next 5 yrs..
I couldn't take my eyes off her everytime she spoke to me nodding her head slightly..showing least of all nuances..Neither could i help admiring her..for the compassionate way of dealing with every tom dick and harry around..for the dexterity with which she spoke 6-7 languages..for the gracious dance performances..

Since when did we become friends is unknown..not that i took any undue interest out of the reverence for her..but somehow we ended up being in the same group in the 1st year..and later on ended up being in the same gang,fooling around as well studying the ass off together..
The 5yrs were the wondrous age of my life..the happiness and enjoyment is beyond articulation..I couldn't thank god more..

"Das,I need to talk to you.."

"Yeah sure.."

Our final exams were done with..And that was padma..with an unusual coy and preface..

"It's been 5.5yrs we had been knowing each other..Not that i claim to know you in and out..your past and future..but i feel i can keep you happy,and more,i cannot be happier if i'm yours..I love you with all your strength and weakness.."

This is what i call the irony of life..Ever since you identify the masculineness in you,the wish,the ache,the urge to have a love blossoms..And it is when you seriously have someone knocking at your door,that you understand that it was not love but a fling that you wished for..

"Listen padma,not that i have anything against you..not that i dislike you..But to me,my career is most important,at least at this point of time..Marrying at 23 may be feasible for a girl,not a guy..moreover an MBBS is not at all sufficient to be an established doctor..i have my aim and vision,and i cannot veer from it,and neither can i get distracted for another 5-6yrs..I know you would wait if i ask you to,till then..But i canot get committed or ask you to be expectant of my return to you..So i would request you forget this conversation,and we remain friends forever"

I'd pondered over my words over and over again the entire night..My state of mind,my actions in the past which could have been a wrong cue for her..I couldn't read anything from her face..As always she never gave away her mind in nuances..I didn't know when i slept off amid the flurry of thoughts..but only when i woke up to ravi's nudges at 4.30am that i knew i was long asleep..

"Man,padma OD'ed herself with insulin,propenelol and phenol barbitone.."

"What the fuck!! When? And where's she now??"

All i can remember now i seeing her in the ICU,and later comatose for a very long time..

Time passed by and public memory is very short..I wonder if anyone remembers her even..But can i forget her just like that??The one,whose life i sabotaged,if not intentionally though..

I'm married,happily of course..and I'm now an established cardiologist in the city..But does the brightness in my life succeed in overshadowing my dark past??I prayed for her life,when she was in the ICU..I prayed for her death when she was left half dead..Now she's alive..no more comatose..But in a more despicable pathetic condition of lunatic-ism..Can i sleep at least a wink without the prick of guilt and contrition before i die? Why would god be this cruel!!

Appendix: As far as i know,an overdose of insulin reduces blood sugar to precarious levels so that oxygen supply to brain is blocked and brain is rendered useless.. Phenol barbitone reduces blood pressure,an overdose is equally dangerous to hypertension.. Propenelol is sleeping pills.. So the combination of all the three is worse than cyanide..


Khuda Hafiz

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


'..The capacity to laugh at oneself is a sign of an individual's strength and wholeness.The inclination to discover grievances where none exists on the other hand,is a sign of emotional or psychological ill health..
..The disposition to be immoderately upset by even innocuous situations or statements should get us all deeply concerned..
..We must tolerate,indeed encourage and celeberate, the spirit of humour even if it is likely to prove vexatious at times; for the alternatives to humour are cruelty and weariness.Living as we do in grim and cheerless times,we should not exile the spirit of humour, just because we feel insecure about the irreverence that is germane to it..'

 -The Hindu,22/09/09

Sometimes or rather most of the times,i feel,I'm one of those non-humorous mundane beings who doesn't even know to crack a joke..not that i categorize into those people with some attitude problems who restrains a smile..
Humor is a talent which not everyone is blessed with..But appreciating,everyone can..Cracking a joke,or at least a chuckle to ease the tension,is something that most find difficult..
After all life lasts for not more than 65-70yrs,at the most..and we spend it brooding over trivia,fuming ourselves at frivoulous stuffs,regretting on retrospection..Why so serious..

It's not that the humorless me suddenly found herself guilty and decided to redeem..No,.not that i don't want to,but that's not something i could achieve overnight..for I'm one of those vulnerable ones,finding it comfortable to chastise and crucify the self rather than laughing at the situation..worse is when i don't forget my mistakes howsoever small,and keep reminding myself with guilt to the extent that i find a grip of tormenting jinn over my body which makes my life less happy..it sometimes appears to me as if i find a pleasure in incriminating and incinerating myself,which ultimately has to change if i happen to look forward to the prospects for fullness in life..

May be i should overlook my mistakes as well as others',for,to err is human..

PS:Congress spokesperson,on dynastic succession: You appreciate 4th generation of lawyers,and 5th generation of doctors in a family,then why not a 2nd or 3rd generation in politics???? 
Reliving the caste system,eh??Potter's son becomes a potter,and sweeper's son,a sweeper..

PPS:Really proud of Yugratna Srivastava..The kid gives me goosebumps!!

Khuda Hafiz

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Black Effendi : "Since I had,in my childlike naivete, no doubt that my love would be reciprocated,I grew exceedingly assured and came to regard the world as a good place. You see,it was with this same earnestness that i involved myself with books, and came to love them, to love the reading my Enishte required of me back then, my religious school lessons and my illustrating and painting. But as much as i owed the sunny, festive and more fertile first half of my education to the love I felt for Shekure, I owed the dark knowledge that poisoned the latter time to being rejected; my desire on icy nights to sputter out and vanish like the dying flames in the iron stoves of a caravansary, repeatedly dreaming after a night of love that i was plunging into a desolate abyss along with whichever woman lay beside me, and the notion that I was simply worthless-all of it was furnished by Shekure"

Esther : "Every idiot assumes there's a pressing circumstance about his love that necessitates particular haste and thereby lays bare the intensity of his love,unwittingly putting a weapon into the hands of his beloved.If his lover is smart,she'll postpone the answer."

-Orhan Pamuk

I'm still flabbergasted at the intensity and repertoire of this feeling called love.. To some,it's a motivating power,a driving factor,an energy capsule,which penetrates into the hardest shells,and consumes it fully revitalising it.. To some,it's just a degrading aspect plunging the already satiated soul into an abyss.. More or less like a nuclear fission n fusion reaction taking the form of the destroyer or the sustainer..

What makes it a subject of contemplation now,is the fate of a very dear friend,who plummeted into shit from the state of reverence..A genius he was,spiritually enlightened,intellectually elated,remarkably poised.Somewhere along he lost himself over to a girl who filled his heart,which then he felt to be void till date.."My love,in its fullness and purity,is for none other than her..not even my parents or siblings shall dare stake their share for it..",were words that escaped his mouth..

For reasons obscure,she denied..the more she ignored him,the more persistent he was..and the more determined he was to prove his credentials.. His crucifixion didn't really last any longer than 6 months when she nodded a yes.. If you, the glorified reader, supposed it to be the end of the story,you are wrong..for it was only the beginning of a fall..

Friends he lost,for she consumed him totally,eating up his money n time..priorities changed..it was not symbiosis,but parasytism..
An imbecile she was,when it came to studies,and he was pride to take up her tutilege..The more he sacrificed himself to bring her up,the more he lost himself..Law of conservation of marks stood ratified,coz every single grade she earned was visibly lost by him,to the extent that she was at par with him in the penultimate sem,and surpassed him towards the end,when he was still grappling with the backlogs ever since his lovelife flourished..

Very few campus romance sustains forever..and sometimes we fail to understand that it's only the grades and the friends we earn in the college that stay by you perpetually..He earned neither..and ironically he lost her too..a mutual break up they call it..whatever it was,he lost himself,his values,his friends,his academic credentials,every goddamn thing for her,only to prove worthless in the end..

Was it worth that?

Khuda Hafiz

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Free Tutoring!!! :(

"Will you please teach me this chapter..My maths ma'am this year is no better than a crap..none of us understand a shit"..This has been a plea i dread ever since i graduated,aka been joblessly loitering at home...from none other than my brother..

"I can't teach you an entire chapter and all..I aint any professional..May be,i can clear a couple of your doubts"

"But,i understood nothing to have doubts..Don't you get my point?"

"But how would i dexterously TEACH??"

So there goes my 'tutoring' in maths,despite all my cribbing,out of which he scores 39/40,and i earn the name of a naturally skillful teacher,which otherwise should have been something i could gloat over..But as in spiderman,'With greater powers,come greater responsibilities'..If it was just maths that he claimed not to have understood,physics and chemistry were no better thereon..On thorough interrogation comes his excuses,"You know,none of the boys are attentive in the class..What dumbass are you..Had you not been studying in co-education for 16yrs,and still you dunno the basic psychology?"

Now i look dumb,just as he called me..and i realize that he wouldn't relent unless i at least clear his doubts..And hence i ask him to read the text book aloud,and there comes 'spectroscopy' in physics..First doubt!!.."Check dictionary,what the meaning of the term is..If you are still not satisfied,just Google it..that's the modern way of studying"..That's none other than me! I'm truly grateful to the most wonderful of all inventions,Google..

But doubts seldom pertain to just the terms..but encroach to the tougher realms of problems in laws of motion,which can be solved using differential calculus..I start solving the problem,and there comes the next doubt,"What's differential calculus?What's d/dt??"Obviously,the kids have not been taught calculus yet,and physics needs calculus..Screw the syllabus..and i'm doomed,and i teach calculus,to no avail..i ain't any good teacher as my impression is..

"You can use calculators in the college??How lucky you are,we need to do all the big calculations by ourselves!!",poor guy..to which i shower my sympathy asking,"Why don't you use Log tables??"

"Yeah..you so well read my mind!!! I was about to ask you to teach me Log!!! We don't have it in the curriculum you see!"

Oh shit..Stercus Accidit..Shit happens..over n over again in my case..

Those are the times i revere my school teachers..those angels from heaven,some of who appeared to be witches then..who very well cleared my stupider queries without being the least annoyed!

Those days when i was equally non-attentive in the class,with pamela ma'am,not pamela anderson,my chemi teacher,calling my name without raising her head from the book she was reading from,to wake me up from the deep dreamy slumber i was in..and yet be so loving and caring..

Those days when i used to ping on my sanskrit sir with utopian questions,until he would say,lemme refer and let you know later..

The days when my maths teacher,preetha ma'am,the tall,fair and beautiful teacher with impeccable features and sweet voice,and an equally promising brains,burn people with her acid tongue.."Better get married off than getting screwed in maths exam..But beware,married life is tougher than maths exam" used to be her ultimatum..
Those days when my physics ma'am,who was the university topper,would swear at us with words that were unheard of during those days.."Idiotic monkeys" was the commonest and the most decent one..

The only exception being the biology teacher,who people never chose to approach with questions,thanks to her marathon classes which reminds us of hitler's concentration camps..If he knew of her then,he could rather have used her lectures as a better way of torturing..

How did they manage to infuse such knowledge into we block headed nitwits is something that baffles me now!!..If i were to say,teachers in the college,if not all most,need not be included in the list,for i've long realized that we students are a lot more quick witted than they are..People who manage to do not even a single proof without the aide of the books..

"Hey,i have an exam tomorrow..You are anyway jobless right..Just read this chapter in chemistry and get me the gist of it..I'll revise in the morning"

WTF! Do i appear to be some foot board to be stamped by everyone??

PS:Yet another product of my boredom!! :D

Khuda Hafiz

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Marriages are a pain in the ass..Well,not literally..
Yeah it's a wonderful stuff where,to be put in the C language,
if(Things are all spic and span)
Two souls merge and unite into a single entity..
To quote a fellow blogger,"Marriage is like a bodyspray.It is fresh and nice in the beginning.But very soon the scent mixes with your sweat and combined effect is bad."

Yeah, it is a conditional clause..like a controlled reaction wherein,provided the stipulated temperature and atmospheric conditions are maintained,with the right amount of catalyst,the reaction takes the right course of action..A sheer negligence might prove catastrophic..

XX + XY --> xx/xy
(at aK,B torr,in the presence of C catalyst)

Given the mediocrity in occurrence of the reaction,it's quite plausible for the mortal souls to assume that initiation is pretty cheap,which obviously is worse than a misconception.. But it is quite a fact that only one of the reactants needs to bear 75% of the cost..XX to be precise..

The enzymes required being money in the liquid and solid form..Money in the transformed versions of the grandiose scheme of ceremonies.. Money to be invested in banks and real estates for the secured future of the newbies..

Yours truly was lucky enough to witness a couple of such grand events recently,where the bride was to wear about 10 silk sarees,(5 being compulsory in the custom,which i suppose has been grossly manipulated,misinterpreted and mutilated in favor of the subject),each amounting to a minimum of 7k..and 2.4kg gold,after which the bride might have even had a cervical spontilitis..with marriage ceremonies lasting for 2 days,and a reception as an embellishment..

The queer characteristic of such a reaction is that,the source of XX needs to not only initiate the reaction,but also keep providing the required impetus for the reaction in the form of periodic visits with fortunes,bear the expenses of maintaining the product of the reaction in the amicable conditions aka bring out the progeny..

I was not intending to make it a bawl post.. So i swerve away..
There i was,in the auditorium..With vidya,my childhood friend..
Marriages are boring but for one thing..the handsome and beautiful people showing up..They are the only means of entertainment without any age bar..There were these guys,who ostensibly were the groom's friends..one being tall and handsome by my yardsticks..Not that we were being one of those cheap and silly oglers..but rather subtle beholders..I was particularly curious about this guy's status,for i had seen him with a girl the day before..And so were we,comfortably enjoying the new-found obsession,when suddenly i hear a male voice next to me..

"I suppose both the guys are in the market..And one of them just had his mom ask for you..You want me to proceed or what?",that was my honorable manufacturer..

For once i felt i was doomed..all my feuds at home to push away my marriage for 2yrs,were all to be futile..Oh My God..I looked around with embarrassment..But without much ado,there was this lady heading to us..I couldn't concentrate on her talks with my dad,coz the embarrassment had made me almost deaf,dumb and blind..

And then i heard,"No,she's not gonna get married for next two years.."

Praise the Lord..

Khuda Hafiz

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Give.. You get more..

The test turned negative today too..
I'm fed up.. Fed up of everything..my career,family,friends,life..Everything seems so grey and monotonous..as a portrait made in prosaic colors..

The life,which i once was thankful to god for,now seems to be ridiculous..as if living has become totally absurd and worthless..as if there's nothing to surge me ahead,..as if there's no purpose for my existence..

Never had i found my bosoms aching so much to hold her tight..feed her..feel the divine pleasure of motherhood..
Never had i been so desperately wanting to watch her grow..listen to those murmurs and whimpers..hold her tiny arms making her walk..
Never had i been so desperate to kindle the joy of learning and playing in her..To savor her transformation from a chubby chweetie infant to the cute little kid to the pretty girl to the mature woman in the bridal suite..

I remember those numerous times i asked my mom about the pain of pregnancy and the reason why she endured them all to bring me out and later bring me up..those umpteen sleepless nights of hers,when my unreasonable sobs and whimpers woke her up..the kind of pleasure she found in my stupid jokes and berates during school and college days..the patient way by which she taught me in my initial years..the enthusiasm with which she infused all those religious values in me..And i all the more remember those days when i asked her why she did all those,paining herself..

But now i understand..the depth of her pleasure..which makes me a desperate freak..
The realization that I can't gift my man his progeny is sickening..making me constrict into an atom..And the disappointment which is all i had for my loving parents and in-laws fork to more than self-chastisement..
The education,career,money..The friends and family..All that i considered most important till date now seems to be nothing more than a sheer glimmer..

My prayers..The infinite medical treatments..nothing seems to come for aide..Unexplained infertility they call it..what is that supposed to mean??Does it keep at least a window open,if not a door???

My eyes no more glints the love for him,for i'm rendered incapable to look into his..The feeling of having failed him miserably rankles..The feeling of being an infertile land to sow the seeds makes me degrade myself into nothing better than a piece of shit..

Is there gonna be a new day??


We named her Nanditha..
The one who infused new meanings to our life..
Who changed our life from the prosaic portrait to a colorful postcard..
Who took our world into new realms..

I'm grateful to St.Mary's convent to help us bring this little angel to fill our empty hole with light and substance..darkness i was in,with the notion that a child can be mine,only if i were the one giving birth..children are like flowers in the garden..seeds don't matter..land doesn't matter..they are always beautiful,filling happiness in every spectator..

PS:Although the post is a mere imagination,i dedicate it to the lady i met during my visit to mumbai,in my relatives' circle..The one,who despite having been very highly educated and royally employed,adopted a girl child to fill the void in her life..My ovation to Priya :)

Khuda Hafiz

Friday, September 4, 2009



"Hows holidaying?",smiling,as she always did on hearing his voice..

"It's going good..now we're heading to a beach,thats 50km away"..

"50km?Is it that worth?Whats so special about the beach?",mysterious,eh!

"We get the little drops of heaven there.."


"**No response**"

"Don't do that yaar..",voice almost frail..

"**No response**"

Ever since her conversation with him in the afternoon,she had been restless,deprived of peace of mind..Turbulence rankled inside..tears fluttered and peeped out,ready to burst..Restlessly she wandered around..There was nothing she found which could distract her..

She prayed for long,unusual in a usual day,as if in search of those 'drops of heaven',which she always found with god.. She tried straining herself with every possible way until she was exhausted..But with every quantum of exhaustion,her exasperation and self-chastisement spiraled..There was nowhere she could turn to for solace..music,books,nothing extended their arms in support..

His arrogance and balls that she found attractive,seemed a ridiculous pain in the ass now,for she knew he wouldn't comply by anyone but himself..She always loved him for the way he was..the arrogance,shamelessness,defiance,.there was not a single quality she found nauseating.. She enjoyed his theories on booze,fag,dope,girls, with the pinch of optimism that it was the age factor..Every passing day she hoped,alas prayed for him to redeem..

'I will stop fags once i get employed',was his word,which he never lived upto..
'I've stopped doping ceremonially',was his declaration after graduation,which he never respected..
And every single time he left for holidaying with his friends,she despite being happy for his happiness,couldn't help shuddering out of agony,over his abysmal life..

Strangled between the conservative upbringing which held her back from accepting things as they were before and her blinding love for him which made her all the more optimistic was she..Blanched and baffled..

Was her hope to be unrequited or genuinely answered?

PS:I'm thankful to ZB for the exercise he conferred on us..I really enjoyed the foray into story writing.. I may not be very good at fictions..but do bear with my fragile imaginations..

Khuda Hafiz

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A dip into diaries..

28 April 2008
I'm the happiest man today..i keep wondering if god has ever been so profligate in blessing me..3yrs back,if i were to say,i would have called myself the most pathetic being i ever knew..Not that i was that pathetic in real,but when compared to the ecstasy i'm in today,i was pitiable and lonesome..

With immense gratitude,i would for sure,acknowledge that i always had a smooth life..loving parents and caring friends..a promising job that paid me handsomely..But in spite of all that i had a voidness within which nothing or no one could fill.. I was happy outwardly,but somewhere deep inside,i was in search of something,which was then a wild goose chase..I felt none of those friends or family would suffice to make me happy..my prudent self asked me to be satiated when my emotional self did not relent..

I still remember the day i met priya..like a cool breeze on a dry sultry day..
Aeyy...i'm being cheesy..which i choose not to be.. :D
She was not the 'yet another beautiful customer service executive with a sweet voice'..She infused a difference right since i met her..Her indifference intrigued me..She was an enigma..But the more she pushed me away,the more i felt closer..I increasingly felt that this was the one i was searching for..

I transformed into one of those dreamy romantic heroes,lost in the thoughts of his heartthrob..the image i so well despised ever since..I found myself cooking up excuses and complaints to dash into her office..I wanted to look into her eyes,the deep ones which conveyed a message which i couldn't decipher..I wanted to hold her tight and say aloud that,this is my girl..the feeling was ecstatic..yet overwhelming..

Asking her out was my mistake..or so it turned out..for it broke my heart,at least for a while..only to transform into a new realm later..Her denial was meted out to me with a shock..i was certain that she was the one..staunch believer of the Almighty i'm,and my intuitions have always served me right..But i couldn't understand why i was rejected..

Perseverence had never been my forte..but with her,everything was the first..
God is great..He has always been..
My absence was gripping her tight,just as hers was to me..And in a week's time,i had this glorified visitor at my reception desk,with sunken red eyes..I felt the wind flowing in my direction..But not favourable altogether,for again i committed the mistake of proposing her..

She was the one..My mind ascertained..for inside the hard periphery,i knew,there was a vulnerable kid,trying to veil inside the shroud of mystery..

We became friends..getting closer everytime we met..She opened up with me the way she did with no one else..for wary she was of everyone..Every single man reminded her of her dad,the ruthless man who abandoned his family in her childhood..the dire jeopardy out of the treachery was more than hysterical..To her men were deception personified..some ruthless..some chivalrous..but deception was not something to be sifted from their blood..trust was not something to be associated with them..beau and beast were more than mere synonyms.. Every single man meant the same to her..reminding her of the person she despised being born to..abandoning her mom,making her life nothing better than a shit pit.. Determined she was,not to repeat her mom's mistake,of being naive to give her life and soul to the undeserving.. Wary she was,to get associated with the other half of the mankind..

Love has this power..of infusing even into the strongest hearts..
We were meant to be one..
Nothing could disentangle us anymore..
If she was to be transferred to Bangalore,I was destined to pursue higher studies in the same city..God is great,so has He always been..

There's no more any barricades between us..not anything physical,nor emotional..She is my other half today,the one without which my life would be grossly incomplete..and now,when i'm into journalism,the career i so well have been passionate about,with her beside,i have no words to hail Him..for God is great,so has He always been..


28 April 2009
Now mom is gone too..I'm dubious if its sadness that's engulfing me.. Because,death is no more something i fear..Last one year was like a roller coaster to me..as if i were caught in a hurricane..And it was the darkest age in my 24years on the globe..

A year back,i was the happiest one in the world..Love was pouring into me with compounded interests..it was as if God was paying me the compensations for my 22yrs of pitiable life..World started seeming to be a wonderful place altogether..and every human being appeared to me loving and caring and genuine..I never knew being in the aura of a person you love could infuse a totally different perspective in you..With arun,everything was different..everything was better..

Life is an arena,where there's this survival of the fittest ringing sharp..In a competition between me and death,as always,i was the underdog..She snatched arun from me..Without him,my life was an empty hole..Without him i was in an empty pit..With him She snatched every euphoria i ever had in my life..Life started seeming different altogether..the days of vulnerability and hurt recurring..It was as if those wonderful days and Arun were part of a dream,out of which i woke up,to find myself in the same pitiable lonesome condition..

I could no longer take in any more grief..Reality was hard..and i was too comfortable being unrealistic..If not in life,i wanted to embrace him in death..A blade costed less than 10bucks,which i could afford easily..A tick on wrist and dripping blood was all i wished,for if not in life,i wanted to embrace him in death..But life is not always the way you want it to be..Men are not always the masters of their fate,and i wonder what made Shakespeare say they were then..

I loathed every effort of my neighbors to salvage me..When i wanted to live,death did not let me live with the one..When i wanted to die,life did not let me die.. But no more was he the mortal soul in my life,i could shudder off and move on..he was my other half..my life and soul was blended perfectly with his..And a sheer victory of death over me in the chase wouldn't ever separate me from him..For i still live in his aura..No more was i to be the squeamish flimsy girl..I had a purpose in life to fulfil.. I had parents to look after,not just mine,but his..I had his passion to take up..

Now that when mom is gone,i feel jealous..for she meets him up earlier than i would..
But i have parents to look after..They lost their son,only to have me as their daughter..
I have a career to pursue..for Journalism had been his passion,which he left for me to take up..
I have him,to live with..For it's not just his life,but his soul that's interweaved with mine..
May be i sound a schizophrenic..May be i sound silly..But never had i felt myself so sober before..Never have i found myself a purpose in life..


This is my version of the story for ZB's plot for short story competition..

Khuda Hafiz