But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Train journeys have always been a pleasant experience ever since..be thats in a crowded stinky 'general' compartment or the posh 'ac' coach..every single journey had been an experience worth relishing..I still remember,if not all,some of those fellow passengers in the past..the sweet lady from Delhi with short hair,who advised me to use almond oil on the hair..the family from Nasik,with a bubbly kid..the gals who i howled with inside every tunnels in Shimla..

If not perceive fully,it at least made me understand or witness the plights of being born a poor..the small kids who come around cleaning the floor or polishing your shoes for the meager pennies you throw at them..children who sing 'raja ko rani se pyar ho gaya' drumming on their empty tummy for a bit mercy..blind and handicapped crawling before you.. They did annoy me in the past..i hated their songs..i loathed their pleas..i despised even a sight of them..not because i was some ruthless shylock,but my small mind was so confortable believing that world was a safe haven where every human being could live comfortably..I chose to believe that poverty was not a big affair.. And when you are gloating in some non-disgusting thoughts,you find yourself demonstrating Newton's first law of inertia.. And so was i..

Until,i came out of the nest..where you are nestled and pampered by your parents,who pay for every goddamn request of yours(of course not all of them!)..ratifying the unwritten law that,dad is your banker by nature..

Being granted the laissez faire to spend a stipulated amount of money is definitely a wonderful thing..for you don't have to turn everytime over your shoulders for approval..you can shop or party around as and when you wish..and you find the glut of edifices for the money gushing up..theatres,malls,restaurants,..

And that was exactly what came to my mind too,when i was to embark on a journey alone,to Mumbai..i thought of the umpteen times, i was rejected a request for an ice cream or snacks in the train..Lays and Bytes blinded me..the flocks of colorful magazines i couldn't buy.. And i thought this was my time..my hour of profligate spending..

But it's when you start spending yourself that you understand it was a lot better to have someone spend for you than letting you act judiciously..the responsibility is painstaking..And the old celebrated skinflint in me resurfaces.. And every time i was to spend,the dwindling money in my account pops up inside the mind..and the thoughts of people who toil the whole day to make their ends meet blur the sight..the slums on the side of the highway haunts..

It was in my return journey that i met this woman,.the principal of a school in mumbai..Without much ado,we became quite friendly..and i was bemused by her craving for snacks..bananafry, vadas, vadapav from chiplun, cashewnuts and groundnuts.. reminded me of how i was..58 she was,8 i felt..

By the end of the journey,she n her hubby quite liked me as a daughter,blessing me and hugging me..i'd always made it a point not to inquire people's personal details during journeys,and hence,even after 28hours together,i had no clue of their names.. Getting down at my station,i felt a tinch of grief..coz i quite liked them..flimsy i may sound..but i either get too attached or remain totally detached..either of those extremes..

Turning back,last two days seem to have happened ages back..Meeting these people,..the elderly brahmin couple,who explored almost the whole historic india,panchavati,hrishikesh,haridvar,kailas,muktinath,and lot more..,the french-german lady who out of her love for india was on her 8th visit,..i quite liked them all,for their care and affection for me,obviously as i was travelling alone.. And the thought grips me tight that i would never meet any of those people i met during such journeys..and still every one of them did mark at least a trivial brush in my life portrait..

Ain't life the same way..a train journey..where each of us have different destinations..sooner or later you part..some stay with you till the end..some get down in the earliest station..still everyone of them contributes to complete the jigsaw..

"You are not the child of the people you call mother and father,but their fellow adventurer on a bright journey to understand things that are.."-Richard Bach

PS:I began saying something..veered long..and ended up saying something else..flurry of thoughts i couldn't sift through..

Khuda Hafiz

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Playlist had been inundated with Bhageshri, Yaman,Bhupali,Jhinjinoti,..Even at this unearthly hour of 2.30am,there was this zest and zeal with tingling euphoria overflowing in everyone..for it was no ordinary wedding..aristocracy was at the edge of effusiveness..money and power definitely acted impeccably..

Amid all these frantic ecstasy,he sat reminiscing..Unlike every other groom,it was not happiness,but glum that filled his thoughts..for this day was not meant to be this way..at least not to him..Not that he whined on fate..he forked out his way himself..But there was this gut feeling of being depleted of everything in life..

Life was not a roller coaster to him,.to an exemplary genius born to an extra-ordinarily rich dad,life was certainly not meant to be.. His handsomeness and chivalry made girls swoon over him..'Teacher's pet' was a sheer understatement..Rocking reeling yo yo guy he was,with an unrelenting charisma and friendliness..his pals wondered,if god could be this gracious to someone..repulsion was not gals' forte,when it came to him,the guys thought,with a tinge of obvious jealousy..the thought was left unchallenged,until they knew of this girl..

The girl..who shared his every dream..who made him crave for something crazily..who made him feel as if globe spun just for him..who made him feel like the king of the world..and for the first time ever,made him feel the pain of rejection..

He could never fathom her denials..nor could anyone.. He pursued on..until it became unbearable..until his perseverance dented out completely..until he realized five years were insanely long to carry on a simplex relationship..

As Danny Oceans opening statement,'My wife left me,and i went on a self destructive pattern'..so was he..on the self destructive pattern..loathing every single woman..He found the sadistic pleasure in them..the pain he infused in them was his way out of agony..but the misogynist in him could never despise the one,who once filled his thoughts..every lip he felt was nothing more than a dirty sip..for it was that perfect curve that still blinded him.. He savored his obsession about her,.reading her sms,checking the tiny photo in his wallet..

Brains he had..but not the right attitude..and it was not long before he proved himself unfit for technical education..Neither could he concentrate on the familial business..T-shirt captions kept changing from, “SHAME ON YOU GIRLS, I AM STILL A BACHELOR” to “FLIRT, BUT BE ALERT” to “NO MORE PAIN” to “DON’T TRUST GIRLS” to “SICK OF CRYING, TIRED OF SMILING, BUT INSIDE I’M DYING”..it was when the metamorphosis in T-articulation reached those alarming levels of “GOT GRASS?”, “FEED WEED”,and “GET ME DRUNK AND ENJOY THE SHOW” that people started poking their nose seriously into his life..glut of ideas,most of them weird,from all those loved ones,at last made him choose one..the one he felt sensible..

To share his,now pathetic,life with someone,.to have a companion in the lonely pitiable life,was not afterall a bad idea..the thought itself seemed rejuvenating..but with every progressing day,he increasingly felt the memories of the past haunting..entangled feelings of pain of rejection and pleasure of rejecting pushed him into abysmal levels,from which he had no escape..

There were no more any exits..no more any turning back..For this was his last night of bachelorhood..The destiny he chose,pulling someone else to tag along..
Was that into deeper shit or out of the hell?!

Khuda Hafiz

Monday, August 17, 2009

Is A always for Apple??

When mumbai is afflicted with the bloody swine flu virus,which literally puts me in house arrest,with all the malls and theaters virtually closed,comes the tag virus..the glorious virus which survived ages of quarantine pulling hordes into its grip..the one that proved beyond a thwart..the one which i perpetually ignored/avoided/feigned busy to attend to..this time from Durga(aka Joe)..

Not that i was always scathing towards it..i did fawn upon some of those less harmful ones..but the ones i ignored outnumbered the ones i attended..among those i brushed off were ramya's and hary's 'fours',which i covertly avoided,coz i had nothing to say,and not because i was some enigmatic historic figure :D..and in the list were those umpteen tags of amrit,the favorite books tag,the five lesser known things,the one profligate spending,etc which were pushed for the same reason..And i made it a point to isolate myself when i was inflicted upon by any of those and never passed on those tags..

But here was this tag..by the one i'd been friends with since those formative ages,i.e since '93..and the one i 'fear' for those verbal exchanges to the extent that i'd even removed her from my FB list for the fear of she suing me for putting up a pic in which she looks as if she had a stroke..

A:Arrogance..something i'm misunderstood to be associated with..

B:Beauty and Bitch..though at times i find the terms symbiotic..

C:Care and concern,which i shower upon my loved ones to the overwhelming levels that at times ventures to those annoying realms.. :D


E:Eccentricity..no i'm not..

F:Friends and Family..the most most important part of my life..

G:Gayathri..thats me!
George Clooney..i don't have to specify :D

H:Hitler!!..not that i worship him..but he's a great leader!..just like Winston Churchil..the negative tinted leaders!

I:Intelligence,a term controversially attached to me in the college..

J:Joy..don't worry be happy :)

K:Kalla krishna...
Krishnaa.. Guruvayurappaa...

L:Linkin Park..I'm a die hard fan :)

M:Mofo,a word i used in place of moron,accidentally,without knowing what it was,only to feel embarrassed and regretful for a hell lot of time!

N:Nostradamus.. needs an intro kya??


Pride and honour..nang and namoos..

Q:Queue..i hate it when people don't respect the queue..

R:Ryan Oberoi,..yeah the same one in FPS,who i loved for a long time..

S:Shini,my best best friend..
Satyam:Where i got placed first time in life,and became the vanguard in my batch..yeah show off intended :D..and no,i'm not jobless currently :D


U:Reminds me of a caption.. F CK..all i need is U!!


W:What and Why..questions i can't live without..


Y:Yankees!!..the superpower!

Z:Zip.. ;)!!

PS:@Joe,you could better have lashed me than this!!

PPS:@ Poor Innocent Souls who stopped by,Sorry for the horrible time !!

Khuda Hafiz

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Copyrights duly paid!!

In the bathroom i went to soak..I realized i cant find my soap..
Every single moment consumed me with hope..
But I found the stealer...It was the pope..
I found someone with whom I could elope..But where can I go without my soap..
She took my money and I became broke.. And got admitted to the hospital coz of a stroke..
I always thought life was fun with dope..But its not you see...coz I lost my soap..
Then I started a new life..Had a gal for a kickass wife..
Life went on with a lot of strife..
In the end she took a knife..
She stabbed me in the heart where I bled..Not a single tear did I shed..
Now how can I earn my butter n bread..
Coz I was this close to being dead..
Where I say...Where is my soap.. Let me clean the sins of a lifetime and be a good bloke..
I now work in a factory..People think of it coz its mockery..
To me degree from an esteemed NIT is all crap if you ask me.. Coz they wont let me be me..And in the end there is nothing free..
I paid for my soap some fifteen rupees..
And now i live with my soap and life is as tasty as cheese..

me: coool
ANAND: thank u

This is a poem or whatever you call it is,by Anand,a close friend ,in live version,during one of those thousand gtalk conversations,which i demanded to put it in my blog,despite his repeated abuses of plagiarism..'nimishakavi' we call it in malayalam..instant-poet?!

Khuda Hafiz

Friday, August 14, 2009


She sat beside him..
Fighting her uncontrollable urge..
To hold his hands..
Caress the palm..
Lean on his shoulders..
Instead she just stared at him..
Her eyes beseeching..
Speaking a tone of helplessness..
Her unconditional love reaching those painful realms..
Leaning forward she waited..
Without the slightest nuance..
As if reading her mind,he says..
"I don't feel the way you do..
I'm ready to switch into detachment..
I stay by just so that you overcome..
Overcome whatever it was..
Whatever was troubling..
Whatever was blinding..
Not because i feel the way you do.."
She just stared at his eyes..
Hoping to convey her mind..
And without another word,walked out..

I dreamt this scene yesterday..Didn't understand why or what it meant..But i couldn't shudder and get up..Felt myself tight and tied..And when i woke up in the morning,i felt severely dehydrated,with traces of tears on my cheeks..

PS:Wake up news:A girl,who seems not to be a resident, jumped from the 18th floor in the neighboring apartment..again another suicide!

PPS:People pls don't ask me if i was trying my hands at poetry,I WASN'T!

PPPS:As i mentioned in my previous post,i truly have no peace of mind..hence have not replied to any of your comments in a couple of posts..pardon requested..

Khuda Hafiz

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


'Plants are lucky no,that they dont die of a swine flu!!',says my 10yr old cousin,.i was quite amused coz i wasnt this aware of global affairs or pandemics when i was of his age..added to which i hadn't perceived the seriousness quite as well the boy did..

So that was my first day in mumbai,after my foray into lone travels..Not that it's a big deal to travel alone but when the whole world is swirling in the pandemic every loved one of mine was in the jitters asking me to be careful..msgs and calls were overflowing barring me from mingling with strangers..

So there was this kid,who ate every chunk of the newpaper devouring every complicated word with the help of a dictionary and making himself aware of global affairs..I was impressed for both me and my bro held arch-rivalry towards newpapers and books in the childhood..even when i was forced to read the newspaper by my grandpa aloud,i did that just for the heck of it..there was a time when i believed BJP was comprised of arabs and sheikhs.. there was even a time when i thought USA had a primeminister with a 5yr in the office..

But if at all there was a side-effect of being aware of everything,it was totally tangible here..coz knowledgeable and all the guy was,about the capitals,biggest countries and airports and waterfalls,about the types of govts in diff parts of the world,about sports..but just as the virtuous news made a positive impact so did the negative ones..

The kid doesnt stay alone in a room,coz he's afraid accomplices of Kasab might dash into the room with AK47..
He doesn't feed on raw vegetables coz he fears the tapeworm reaching the brain n rendering it inactive..
He doesn't receive balance 500rs notes from a shopkeeper coz there are chances of the note being fake..
And a lot more..

PS:I have no peace of mind to come up with something good,if at all i did earlier..felt i had to feed the blog..so please bear with this crap..

PPS:The hero is blogging now(i was the inspirer it seems :D)..I would request all the jobless people to stop by his..http://myworld-vignesh.blogspot.com/

Khuda Hafiz

Saturday, August 8, 2009


The logic behind 22 people running for a single ball,is something that's left me flabbergasted ever since..I grew up hearing my dad lauding n (kinda) worshiping Maradona,bitching about the undue prominence for cricket in India..It was not onam or vishu but football worldcup that was the big celebration at home,with dad ringing up every now n then for updates..

The football matches irritated me,.and it irritated my dad even more when football and cricket were scheduled simultaneously,my granpa being an ardent fan of cricket,if u even call someone a fan of a sport..As my bro grew up,he under the influence of granpa,was up for cric..playing,watching,dreaming cric..cric fever always..and he started becoming a threat to dad,the opposite league becoming strong day by day..and he,in the hope of having someone for support,started educating me the art of kicking n heading..I being the all time imbecile when it came to sports,understood every goddamn thing,that i rather absconded from the front room at the sight of a ten sports or espn running..

My bro grew up,developed his caucus in the neighborhood,and became a sports guy..the interest consistently being cric,leaving dad disturbed..Kid grew out of the nest and spheres of influence widened..the physical changes coincided with changes in interests,with dreams of a goal replacing the dreams of a 'sixer'..but the worst part was,his kicks i used to get amid deep sleep,out of some glorified dream in which he shares the field with ronaldinho and beckam,which earlier were some screams of a catch..

It became easier for me to buy him gifts,for anytime n everytime,all i had to do was buy a jersy or a football..Gloating and all my dad was,but that never made him refrain from yelling at the kid for the umpteen no: of CFLs he broke during the 'practice' sessions in the courtyard..

Burden of studies increased,and the stereotypical dad pressed the guy to concentrate on studies..10th being the most important year,kid was abstained from the ground..'Lemme play dad please,else i would be plump,..pleasee..PT Master says i can be in the school team..please appa..' became a popular plea,with the even more popular denial statement,'Study,..a second lost is lost forever'..Pleas gave way to demands,paving way to tiffs and verbal exchange..The scions finally reaching a conditional consensus decided to leave the fate to the board marks,90% being the threshold..

The otherwise 11th hour server,studied seriously and ended up scoring a 92..Not that it was something of a great mark..but it empowered him to play..get into the school team..realize all those dreams without compromising with the studies..

And so it was..
KV Thrissur comes out Champions in the zonal matches today,thus qualifying to play in the Regionals,in Chennai Region..
Sarcastic and all i am,to him,without really appreciating on the success..but i feel happy for him..truly :)..

PS:My bro comes home,elated and excited,wearing the jersy,the orange and black one..Dad smiles and says,'the same combination as ours in my 10th std'..


Khuda Hafiz

Thursday, August 6, 2009


Terrorism is in the limelight again,in the crucible,getting chastised for those precarious operations in the past,or rather for the flaws in the planning i would say,coz the meticulously planned operations are yet to be reproached..afteral your weakness is others' strength,and the flaws were their weakness..

Though it still took 6yrs to be done with the adjudication,i feel it's pretty quick when compared to the in-built latency of the Indian Judicial system,which is rather ratified by the '93 blast trial..and it was nothing but the 2003 Mumbai twin blast case i was referring to where all the 3 convicts are awarded a death penalty..Not that i believe they would all be executed,especially when Afsal Guru is still alive,in a country where human rights activists are more concerned of the lives of the fugitives and ruthless convicts than those of innocent citizens,especially when capital punishment is under crucifixion even when the safety of the laymen is not ensured..

I seriously don't understand why there's such a hue and cry about the validation of capital punishment..May be a human being has no right to plunge the right of a mate to live,but not when the person has proved himself detrimental to the mere existence of others..The reason why we have greater number of Indian terrorists,and barely any American peers identified,i feel,is this serious breach in delivering punishment..It is the fear of getting castigated that abstains people from committing a crime..And this,is why i feel Pak still remains the safe haven for most terrorists,for even the Pakis agree that it is quite difficult to incarcerate someone in Pak,even with ample evidence,thanks to the fragile law structure..

I'm reminded of Hashmi's and Shabana Azmi's charge on denial of an apartment on the basis of their religious identity..Not all the muslims are terrorists is what i acquiesce in too..but the disturbing fact is,every goddamn culprit in a terror strike reveals an Islam identity,and people like Hashmi,resorting to vituperative remarks on other communities,tarnish the guileless muslims living in harmony with others,thus disrupting the secular unity of the nation..

If those few jihadis and suicide bombers who claim tutelage of the entire muslim community,are responsible for the terror instigated,not all the muslims are to be held culpable..Sadly,those few manage to capture attention by looming themselves large,even when their lives are at stake..

Kasab still languishes in the prison,but since it is India,he can still hope of getting out for another Al-queda or LeT operation some day,with pro'ly some Indian President sympathizing on his plight.. May be those 3,of 2003 blast would also join him for the next operation..who knows..no possibility can be expunged in India!

PS:I give a heartfelt ovation to Japan,on this 64th Hiroshima day,for that is the only country that i feel has nudged itself into development than a vindictive retaliation after a hulking blow..

Khuda Hafiz

Monday, August 3, 2009

Do i ace the test?

Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary defines the word Sabbatical as a period of time when somebody, is allowed to stop their normal work in order to study or travel..so i doubt if that would justifiably describe my absence from the virtual world..Still,i was on a sabbatical..Just like i'm nocturnal,just like i'm a veggie,I'm a 24*7 online junkie..and my existence is so entwined with being online that a state of being aloof from net is vexatious..yet,i endured the pain of parting.. :D..reason,being a bit hilariously stigmatic,i stay reticent..

So i missed a hell lot of posts,which i'm trying trying n trying to patch up,still remains painfully long.. :D,so i apologize to some of my friends here if they missed my comments,just like akh,shibin,n srm felt fb was no fun without me :D..

When i'm back,i'm greeted with ZB tacitly avoiding me from the list of people he officially tags.. x-( ..hark!!But owing to the fact that i'm running out of topics to spit here,i shamelessly decide to take up the tag which is not fully unsolicited,since i'm mentioned somewhere in the footnote or nail-note,as a friend puts it..

Not that i'm a tag freak,.i guess ramya and amrit noticed my apologies firsthand,for i'd promised to take up their tags,and yet couldnt live upto my word..I would..insha allah! But this one was interesting,especially,with the help of one of the best inventions ever known to man,the Google..I'd always wondered how my life would have been without it..I'm and would always be grateful to Larry Page and Sergey Brin,the masterbrains..

Creativity is something which i'm devoid of..but ironically,this is a creativity test..
1. What is your name: Gayathri,undoubtedly..which some fools manipulate as GAY3 :P

2. A four Letter Word: Geek..despite being a consistent and comfortable back bencher,despite having struggled my bum off to cross the min internals in ac and de labs,Mr.Nice still pampers me with this word :D

3. A boy's Name: George (Clooney it is!!)..boy,i fall in love with him over n over again,everytime i hear Danny Ocean say,'I knew what i was doing'!

4. A girl's Name: Gandhari..the character i've truly admired and adored in mahabharata for her selflessness and sacrifice..

5. An occupation:Gynecologist,the one who we are all grateful to,for delivering us out safely..

6. A colour: Green,colour of prosperity.. shyam sundara kera kedara bhoomi..The colour of God's Own Country..

7. Something you wear: Gloves,it need not be necessarily a dress that u wear right..

8. A food: Garlic Bread..whoaa..i love garlic.. :D

9. Something found in the bathroom: Gel,hairgel i mean..if not mine,my bro's..yeah he's finally sassy..

10. A place: Germany,the land of Hitler!!

11. A reason for being late: Got up late would be my reply,whereas guests would be my mom's.. :D

12. Something you shout: Get lost and go to hell!..irreplaceable!!

13. A movie title: Good night and Good Luck..yeah,i love anything n everything of Clooney :D

14. Something you drink: Guinness..not me of course..

15. A musical group: Greenday,..i dislike that band though.. :|

16. An animal: Gorilla

17. A street name: Gandhi Nagar,2nd Street!! Mohanlal rocks!!

18. A type of car: Gallardo Cesam,Lamborghini

19. Something scary: Ghost!!!

20. Ice cream flavour: Guava Icecream..wiki answers,..i seriously have no ice cream savvy..

I'm done!!
Whichever poor innocent soul finds this tag interesting,may take it voluntarily..It would be more than welcome.. :D

Khuda Hafiz