But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Friday, May 29, 2009


Adolescence is a very interesting period..with all those visible and invisible changes,with all those increased consciousness of the self and pronounced importance for the individuality,with all those elevated concerns on the savoir faire,with all those recurrent mood swings and mental storms,it marks the great grand transition to being recognized an adult,to being valued as an individual and contributes profoundly to one's character formation..You try experimenting stuffs,develop the kind of craving for stuffs which you otherwise despised,get yourself f***d up umpteen times,yet laugh at it sportively..Yeah,teens is the best part of one's life..

Observing the kind of metamorphosis impassively is quite easy,funny actually..but being a part of the change is one heck of a hardship,if u ask me..

I was in fact amused when my bro started getting tantalized by all those accessories,perfumes,costumes, which otherwise never perked him up and invariably ogling at the opposite sex.. We had always been quite friendly despite the 5yr gap.. More than friendliness,there was this care and affection taking over.. And he in return kinda respected my words,and gave me immense say in his stuffs.. And suddenly i was confronted with his 'self' peeping out demanding a lil more prominence.. He was no more to be taken for granted.. And he and his words were to be treated with a lil more regard..

The confusion and imbroglio amid us were evident from the frequent verbal exchange and cold wars.. I always thought it were his extravagant and escalating needs which brought me into tiff with him,..i thought he was being incorrigibly arrogant.. I thought he was becoming a brat..But deeper contemplation reveals my fault.. My mind still doesnt accept and adapt to his new grown-up state.. He still remains to be a kid in my mind who needs immense care and protection when what he really needs is support and guidance.. My ego holds me back from respecting and accepting his opinions on issues..everytime he comes up with one,the word rankling at my mouth would be to shut up and mind kids' business..

When i were on his shoes,me and my words were dealt with a lot more heed by my parents and yet i demanded more..and ironically, i fail to regard my bro with the same reverence as to a peer.. Sometimes my affection comes out as maternal and becomes pretty disgusting.. May be he deserves a better treatment..

PS:To all those who stopped by,my post might seem nothing more than some whimpers ..but i'm getting overwhelmingly involved with all those unrest..

Khuda Hafiz

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Love Shits again!


A<-->=Going out
A is deeply,passionately and crazily in love with B..of course full duplex..
Hours of text-msging followed by well planned and scheduled late night fone calls..lol,..B used to take real hardship in sleeping as early as 9pm just to wake up at 2am to squat under his blanket and attend her call,which included pulling out the choke of the tube in his room so that no one in the hostel disturbs him..
While floating and gloating on all those sweet romance,A on a fine day cheats on B(details obscure to me as well!!)

C who was a 'brother' to A takes over and they fall in the divine hurricane of love..
And after a good 1.5yr of loovee,C brings up the matter before his parents,which is outrightly rejected,despite the fact that A had been their family friend for a very long time..

Anyway,C feels bad that he abandoned A for his parents and sends her an sms,"I can't leave my parents or disobey them,but,just let me make it quite clear that whoever i marry,you'll be the only one i love,now and forever"

Zindegi Migzara

On a fine day,A gets engaged,formally,arranged by her parents..
And suddenly she feels an irresistible need to befriend B and tries every goddamn way she knows which B evades smartly..
After flunking at every possible ideas she had,she resorts to a final way,

Beep Beep..

B receives a msg from A,"I can't leave my parents or disobey them,but,just let me make it quite clear that whoever i marry,you'll be the only one i love,now and forever"


Reply,"Will you ever stop disturbing me and leave me alone!?"

Lol..Never knew B could ever be so strong at words!!

PS:Don't by mistake sympathize at B,coz this is yet another episodes rewound with different casting in B's life,..pro'lly he who usually enact the culprit,got cast into the victim this time..

Disclaimer: The post is out of the fictitious imagination of yours truly.. Any resemblance whatsoever,to any living or dead person,is fully inadvertent and the author denies culpability of any character assassination!

Khuda Hafiz

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Romance Shits!

It had become long since i've really enjoyed attending a function outside my close family..I hate dressing up like a puppet and squander at a place where i have none to at least jovially schmooze with..the scene waiting for me would be some old maamies competing with each other to ask me when i'm gonna get married..goddamn that question!i loathe it..even if that's not a brahmin function,i'll have some 'wellwisher' asking me the same..
What i hate even more is the feast that follows.. not that i hate the food,but i hate the waiting time,i hate the messy sounds and i hate the dirty surroundings which is inevitable after the first round of the food..

Every time i see an invitation card lying fresh on the table,the first thing i would do would be to fix myself an engagement to evade attending that function..and my proclamation of a busy schedule would be invariably followed by a long advice of social etiquette and social commitment and social craps which shouldn't be shirked by either or both of my parents..And in a community where anything right from birth to death,engagement,marriage,sheemandam,shashtipoorthi,shathabhishekam,blah blah blah, is an 'occasion', it has become a nerve-racking venture to be safe every time..

Now that i'm having vacations,i'm made to go through all these shitty stuffs myself..Although i didnt agree upon every single invitation,one or two local ones were unavoidable which otherwise would cost me a court-marshall..and i started wondering why can't these people have a register marriage and avoid all these fuss with the wealth..huh!weird right,..even i'll have to be a part of this game in a couple of years..
The bride all dressed up like a mobile jewellery shop in all those glittery silk sarees which would be like being in a blast furnace during this peak summer..The groom will have the stereotypical cream silk dhoti..The relatives would all be running around showing off their robes as well..funny i should say..

Anyway,there were these two marriages which fell into the unavoidably important creed..
One was of a girl from my neighborhood,with whom i was told to have played some games in the childhood..not that i forgot those days,but that there's not even faded footprints left of those days in our relationship..the only remaining mark is the smile we never fail to pass each other..
This girl was not that pretty and all,but had some attraction..dark and all she was,but there was some kind of magnetic aura around her..flirtish and all she was,but she never ran out of words,at least to beat upon the bush..So when i heard she was getting married,i was not totally blanched,at least because i had that cynical mindset about this girl that all she was living for was this day..But what was a blindsiding blow was to know that she was marrying a taxi driver she met when she was in 10th std..roflmao..i couldnt help myself..I didnt even have that kind of feelings when i was of that age..lol..since she was financially well off,i had the feeling that she could have secured a better alliance,but for this guy somehow made it to the Gulf(no idea what and where in the Gulf!!)..anyway,that was a love story ending up in a comedy..thanks to her fortitude and determination..

There was this second paradoxical marriage which was of a close pal's..this one was something i was looking forward to attend,just for the heck of meeting my old friends..even the thought was exhilarating.. :D..this bride was also a romantic heroine,who fell in love as early as in 7th std..pretty,fair,financially too strong,and the scion of a very reputed family..but sadly ended up being a loser..practical problems demanding compromises..

Anyway,the two marriages within a gap of a couple of days kept me contemplating..what was the driving factor behind love??Looks?Money?Brains??or is there anything at all??or is that a feeling just out of nothing which can be bestowed upon any tom dick or harry that u meet??huh!!Love at first sight..rofl..!!
I was baffled at how people end up falling for someone who on a serious note would certainly not be a working model..why end up exhausting all the energy on a project which definitely wouldnt work on the evaluation day..and what was even more queer was the feelings people develop even before attaining puberty..huh!!atrocious!!ain't marriage a lil more serious affair to be thought of after having a more matured outlook about life?

Disclaimer:The post was not meant to be offensive to anyone..and may be my views are not appealing to you,in which case,just ignore and move on..

Khuda Hafiz

Sunday, May 17, 2009


"Appa,i saw a dream yday!"

"HUH!not the least for a surprise!!Now whats it this time?"

For all those who don't know me,i'm one heck of a dreamer..not the usual kind of a day-dreamer,but there wouldn't be a single night spent without a trail of dreams..sometimes sequels,sometimes random..sometimes intuitive..sometimes even close to clairvoyance..sometimes just another of those weird ones..but most of the times, i end up with stuffs good enough for a laugh or a guffaw..

There was this night,when i woke up sweating and panting,blanched by a dream,me idling around on a holiday,which i later found out to be my pro-evaluation eve when a friend rings up enquiringly,and that was when i realised that all the tools were yet to be manufactured,my ppt,my reports..huh!!I started fainting,blood oozing out of my face,and mouth longing for a drop of water..and that was when I suddenly jolted out of my bed..I started rubbing my eyes so hard to get back to normalcy just to remember that all those evaluations shits were long done!..I slept off blissfully the rest of the night..Getting back to college,much to my surprise,our pro-results were published the same day!

There was this incident when i dreamt of a friend shaving his head completely,when in a couple of days he pops with his head mowed perfectly to be compared to a cricket ground..

Date with madhavan(sure,he's not an enticement any more! :P),letter from Hrithik,were all those queer impossible ones which blazed in my school days..

"I dreamt of a day when i was forcibly put into a burkha,with all those guns laid against my head..there were bomb blasts and cries of pain everywhere..there was none around who i could recognize!I was thirsty and hungry,but there was absolutely nothing..sheer squalor..I was totally alone,dismayed thoroughly!! :O "

"OMG!! It's the Talibans this time????? You got nothing better to dream??Anyhow,I'm saved of those expenses for opera tickets!"

Khuda Hafiz

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Memoirs revisited..

Everyone hates summer..it's one heck of a whore which manhandles you leaving you weighed down to ground sultry,the t-shirt sticking on to your body,all drenched in sweat,the sun shining and glazing at you sucking every remainder quantum of energy..and here at kerala,the kseb flaring up the heat with its powercut once in every hour..water shortage with an increased water requirement is a paradigm of this period.. With all those fingers crossed for at least a drizzling,there would be rain by the middle of the summer,emanating the fragrance of the fresh soil..

But for various reasons,i love summer..
Not the heat,
Not the mugginess..
Not the powercut..
But there was a time when i longed hard for the advent of summer..school days..and my summer vaccations..
It used to be like i live the whole year just for these 2 months of vaccation..The time when all we had to do was play play and play..well of course,the deep unperturbed slumber till about 9am..

With all those queer timings of my school which chose to synchronise with its north Indian peers,i always had to leave by 6.30,and so sleep was a valuable and rare commodity..

Mine being the ancestoral home,almost all of my cousins would report on time for the blast..Those were the days when i played cricket,I being one of those species close to extinction with the males dominating the numbers, i had no other way but to resort to these stupid outdoor games,stupid coz it woos me not anymore..

Thinking of summer,i'm reminded of mangoes,cards,carroms,and yeah multiplication tables!!Uh-huh!!that was the most vexating part..caligraphy and learning multiplication tables were madatory among the time pass when i was a kid..i used to try different ways to evade them,including trying to sleep before dad gets back from office,but i was always a bad fugitive..

Projects were the next pricks..We used to have class for a month during april and then left for the vaccations so that we don't essentially waste it out playing some crappy games,but utilise it effectively by doing the 'important' home works and projects to be submitted duely on reopening..Afterall who cares!

Summers remind me of my grandma's death..which i couldnt really mourn for at that time when the reality failed to sink in..

It reminds me of 3 birthdays,mine,my bro's and a cousins..Everything a party in itself..
The picnics we had to umpteen places with a batallion of my family,aunts,uncles,cousins..

Summers bring up a gust of emotions and a gush of memories..sweet,sour,as well as bitter..

But even contemplating my eventful past on this dogs day,i swear at it,at the heat,at the sultriness when i had just bathed for about the 3rd time right now..

Khuda Hafiz


Alright,so the curtains have almost risen..and the UPA is back with a bang proving them invincible..It definitely was a pathetic performance by the BJP especially when they had 5 long years to reach into the people..

But i guess,the parliament is gonna be a getto for the Gandhi family with all those family members getting elected!!

All the while,i totally rejoice at the shameful failure of the Left at West Bengal(not to mention Kerala),coz it had been their fort all these years fitting themselves into the cloud beyond the democratic process..At least we proved once again that everyone is bound to respect the prudence of the electorate(reminds me of Indira Gandhi and her failure after the Emergency)..

Despite all the hullabaloo of the Orissa riots,BJD still rankles at power,although ostensibly coz of the heave-ho given to the BJP..
Nithish and Modi sweeps their respective mandate!And these politicians at last realize that our political savvy is not for sale and efficient administration will no longer be left oblivious of!

Also,the way mafia don Mayawati was thrashed was just superb(of course not personally,but her monopoly has at least diminished)!Gotto see how many of those f***ing criminals got into power this time!
I did wish Chidambaram won,but it was just a hope hopen,or so i thought,until when he won in the recounting..

I dislike Manmohan Singh in all the reverential tone for his brains coz he is not a representative of the people..He gets into power through the back door(just like Shivraj Patil who stung to power for about 4.5yrs without having cleared a loksabha election! )..In spite of all that i wish him best of luck to take decisions without having to turn to Mrs.Gandhi everytime..

The most remarkable aspect about this elections is that 1)The already existent govt is empowered to carry on whatever developmental process was in the offing, 2)A particular alliance scoring least majority implies they become least dependent on all those parasitic mushrooms..

I wish UPA becomes free from blindly worshiping the Nehru family though,.it simply disrupts the democratic set up and reverts to dynastic succession!

With all the due respect and accolades to the chosen alliance,I wish them all the very best to carry out an outstanding governance..

Khuda Hafiz

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Begum Noor Bhanu,"She is a woman i really respect and who's excellent in her job.If i were to act,I'm sure i cannot do it as good as she does.But she cannot do my job too.It would be good if she restrains to her job and me to mine!"

Begum Noor Bhanu,who is a scion of the Nawab Family of Uttar Pradesh,to Jayaprada,the sensuous bollywood actress contesting against her at Ramnagar..

PS:If i were to say,she couldn't have commented in a more dignified way,without being the least insolent!

Khuda Hafiz


Khuda Hafiz

Saturday, May 9, 2009


I'm cringing and shrinking into myself these days..not being introvert..not being self-centered..but some kind of inertia holding me tight within the clutches of loneliness..kinda resorting to insightful introspection..

What do i have to muse so much about?I had never been a complex character to be dug and dissected..My life has always been simple enough to be cracked with an average savvy..But i'm switched into a thinking mode for pretty long..Trying desperately to topple it..but flunking each time..

I'm no more interested in hang outs,not in movies,not in parties,.Life is turning out to be a hide and seek with me choosing to hide each time..There are those rejected phone calls and unanswered messages and neglected chats..

Perhaps the new twists and turns in my life and the inevitable bafflement is all responsible for my state of mind..
Perhaps the advent of a new serious life plays the magic..

Reasons apart..
I have become all alone..
Perhaps not alone..but trailing from a sucking loneliness to the genial solitude..

Khuda Hafiz

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I'm increasingly losing my faith,which was otherwise staunch,in our judiciary..especially beholding the Kasab trial which has become an utter farce..With people like Afsal Guru enjoying the whiff of freedom even after masterminding the attack on our prime-most institution,I'm afraid if there's ever gonna be a fair verdict..Although the trial resembles that of Saddam Hussein at times,i doubt if we have that kind of a conviction to see the guilty,punished..And it simply makes me feel that Indian Judiciary is an 'ass'..

Justice Delayed is Justice Denied..
We dare not overlook the innocent civilians who were haunted to death on 26/11..neither can we be flippant about the martyrs who gave up their lives to defend the country..5 months since the attack and if there's gonna be any further ado in a fair judgement,it would have serious ramifications and the cost we would have to pay will not be small..

Khuda Hafiz

Redeem India !!!

The fourth among the five phases of elections'09 is at last done with today!Yet another one as far as i'm concerned coz it didn't really make much difference to me than the 2004 one,but that if i was not rightfully eligible to be part of the electoral process then,i decently denied it this time!The Polling percentage being just around 50% in most cities explicitly shows the lack of faith in the democratic set up for the youth.

Despite holding accolades for the best democratic set up from all over the globe,why do we have such internal unrest?Why does every single literate have that kind of an aversion to politics,to governance,to even casting their votes!?

Ain't this video incomplete?
Alright,setting benchmark for the candidate's educational credentials,work experience is all unavoidable yet brazenly ignored stuffs..But as far as an ever 'developing country' as India is concerned,the mandatory aspect has to be made the criminal background.How many among the 545 MPs have a clean chit when it comes to a background check?If not having served a sentence,most have at least been charged guilty firsthand,although the highly corrupt investigative forces as well as judiciary chisled them guiltless in most cases.

Isn't politics becoming increasingly a refuge to the fugitives and criminals?If 14th LS had 120 criminal MP's,I'm afraid if the no: is spiraling with every term of governance..If almost every MP had at least corruption charges against them,it was blanching to see someone like Shibu Soren who has gala time in and out of the prison for serious crimes,woo the UPA with his 5 MP's,all convicted for crimes.

With Sanjay Dutt,who has allegedly been part of the Mumbai twin-blast of the '90's,Dhananjay Singh,the mafia leader from UP,being some of the most prominent ones,2009 is not gonna be any better to 2004..

If this situation persists,the acme of Indian democracy is gonna be filled with the worst of all the gangsters,who has no adherance to the responsibility of safeguarding a layman's interest or protection..If this is gonna be the case,who's gonna scratch the head if more of 26/11 recurs?

If we,who have the history of gratifying the murderers and assassins like,Phoolan devi,Pappu Yadav,Sheikh Shahabbudin,do not redeem,are gonna portray ourselves with a group of illiterate schmucks and the mafia in the power centre,even while advancing for the status of global power!

When we have a situation when we cannot even dream of being a govt servant with a charge of an offence,even a fake one,and when we have a situation when we are offered the pink slip on being proved guilty,we have no such regulations when it comes to politics.How fair is that??

Isn't it high time we adopt a system as in the US where only those who've served the military gain the candidature?Isn't it high time we set an academic threshold?Isn't it high time we conduct pre-electoral debates to measure how well a candidate would serve the citizens' needs?

Isn't it time for a change??Isn't it time we stop resorting to the "Shut up and Vote" strategy and make ourselves heard????

Khuda Hafiz

Saturday, May 2, 2009

My friends are all dating accidents these days..(i would be inviting a hara-kiri if i mentioned the names!)
Wonder why they have such a poor choice when it comes to going out.. :P
Some of them even have those aberrations,contusions,bruises etc..
The discolouration in PV's cheek had been positive coz he's developed being fairer that way,but unfortunately only on one side.. may be he could apply Fair and Handsome on the other cheek selectively for some 2 weeks to have a uniform texture..
Ms._ is ok now i guess though she had puked even most of her intestinal fluids,out of shock or whatever :P

I wish they all get well soon..(to have another fresh date :P!)

Khuda Hafiz

Friday, May 1, 2009

Let us imagine a bidirectional buffer for which You and I serve as the input and output..
C'mon,it's neither a voltage nor current buffer..but the one which keeps track of the vexatious signals being transmitted..
The status flag indicates which of the two users are active..let's say me now..
The directional flag when set transmits the signal from left to right,i.e from me to you..
The receive_rdy flag(active high) indicates if the other user aka you are ready to receive..
Now that the ambiance is all set for a successful transmission,i start irritating you..
The receive buffer in the receptive side indicates if you are totally god-damned or you have the fortitude and stoicism to bear more..
Once your receive buffer is full,the signals do not get transmitted any more..

The reverse happens too when all the flags are in the vice-verse condition..

From the description it has to be obviously clear that there's no full-duplex transmission..Only either of us dominate the irking..

PS:Humans with XY have the knack to irritate others.. and the ones with XX have whining dominating their repertoire..So there's less of signal transmission when the users in question are of the same gender..

Khuda Hafiz