But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Playlist had been inundated with Bhageshri, Yaman,Bhupali,Jhinjinoti,..Even at this unearthly hour of 2.30am,there was this zest and zeal with tingling euphoria overflowing in everyone..for it was no ordinary wedding..aristocracy was at the edge of effusiveness..money and power definitely acted impeccably..

Amid all these frantic ecstasy,he sat reminiscing..Unlike every other groom,it was not happiness,but glum that filled his thoughts..for this day was not meant to be this way..at least not to him..Not that he whined on fate..he forked out his way himself..But there was this gut feeling of being depleted of everything in life..

Life was not a roller coaster to him,.to an exemplary genius born to an extra-ordinarily rich dad,life was certainly not meant to be.. His handsomeness and chivalry made girls swoon over him..'Teacher's pet' was a sheer understatement..Rocking reeling yo yo guy he was,with an unrelenting charisma and friendliness..his pals wondered,if god could be this gracious to someone..repulsion was not gals' forte,when it came to him,the guys thought,with a tinge of obvious jealousy..the thought was left unchallenged,until they knew of this girl..

The girl..who shared his every dream..who made him crave for something crazily..who made him feel as if globe spun just for him..who made him feel like the king of the world..and for the first time ever,made him feel the pain of rejection..

He could never fathom her denials..nor could anyone.. He pursued on..until it became unbearable..until his perseverance dented out completely..until he realized five years were insanely long to carry on a simplex relationship..

As Danny Oceans opening statement,'My wife left me,and i went on a self destructive pattern'..so was he..on the self destructive pattern..loathing every single woman..He found the sadistic pleasure in them..the pain he infused in them was his way out of agony..but the misogynist in him could never despise the one,who once filled his thoughts..every lip he felt was nothing more than a dirty sip..for it was that perfect curve that still blinded him.. He savored his obsession about her,.reading her sms,checking the tiny photo in his wallet..

Brains he had..but not the right attitude..and it was not long before he proved himself unfit for technical education..Neither could he concentrate on the familial business..T-shirt captions kept changing from, “SHAME ON YOU GIRLS, I AM STILL A BACHELOR” to “FLIRT, BUT BE ALERT” to “NO MORE PAIN” to “DON’T TRUST GIRLS” to “SICK OF CRYING, TIRED OF SMILING, BUT INSIDE I’M DYING”..it was when the metamorphosis in T-articulation reached those alarming levels of “GOT GRASS?”, “FEED WEED”,and “GET ME DRUNK AND ENJOY THE SHOW” that people started poking their nose seriously into his life..glut of ideas,most of them weird,from all those loved ones,at last made him choose one..the one he felt sensible..

To share his,now pathetic,life with someone,.to have a companion in the lonely pitiable life,was not afterall a bad idea..the thought itself seemed rejuvenating..but with every progressing day,he increasingly felt the memories of the past haunting..entangled feelings of pain of rejection and pleasure of rejecting pushed him into abysmal levels,from which he had no escape..

There were no more any exits..no more any turning back..For this was his last night of bachelorhood..The destiny he chose,pulling someone else to tag along..
Was that into deeper shit or out of the hell?!

Khuda Hafiz


ZB said...

i think its initiation into deeper shit.I dont know if the marriage would stand the test of time.But since assumption is the mother of all F@$kps, but yet all i could is assume. Life is capable of turning abruptly, so could his life. Did i make sense?

Just a suggestion...for a short writeup, using intricate words are fine, but if you are writing long posts it would certainly tire the reader out midway. This is a Lovely post. :))

Akhil said...

Nice....every single word is clear now, after being sober. :P
Well u r extra-ordinary talents seems to be pushing its limits.. it would not be a flattering if i ask u to try ur hands at scripting short films, just a petty search for opportunities may be enough as u r already at Mumbai :P
But whats the cause of such a spurt of creativity ?

ZB said...

just to add..one never knows whats in store, future could be bright as well. i know a lot of men who have abruptly transformed after marriage.
one such example is yours truly itself( no i wasnt so bad though)...but my wife has really transformed my life.Mostly men are too egoistic to admit, but i admit it here.

this is a lovely writeup. keep writing. :)

sujata said...

marriage is nothing drastic as many assume..its like a river..it changes course but its slow and you get time to adjust and be with the flow..all that a marriage cannot take, is if you are against the flow..an open and straight man should not have any problems I think.

Thousif Raza said...

i think the last question had it all,

writing in this post was as superb as it can be gayu seriously, awesome yaar

really good

take care and keep writing............

Sucharita Sarkar said...

Enjoyed the post, although I agree with Sujata that marriage is a gradual kind of thing, not a once-in-a-life do-or-die thing that freaks one out.

Your writing has a lot of depth.

Destiny's child... said...

So does this continue or is it the end? I am sure it is not going to be happily ever after if it continues and if doesn't too. Nice, but I can't imagine why a hunk couldn't get over it. Ah...I've never been in love, so I guess its wiser to remain silent ;)

Nazish Rahman said...

U write well...i like your style!!
marriage is a change associated with some happiness n problems!! depends on the individual...

Jyothi said...

I agree with Sujata and Sucharita. You just need to go with the flow. But the person you described is right in thinking like that after a rejection. Have you had the opportunity to watch "Love Aaj Kal"? She walks out off a marriage, just like that!!!So much for being a modern confused soul.

Aparna said...

Marriage is something you have to continuously work on. This is no quick fix solution to anyone's problem.
I like the depth in your writing. You sure possess a maturity that belies your age.

ramya said...

Award-shaward! You have recieved a G-Rammy award, do check out my new post :-)

Sat_hi_sh said...

gr8 writing skills
i liked they way u presented it & will surely follow up :)

Nautankey said...

Wow!! Awesome..

Ms. Neha Gandhi said...

wow...wonder y would u write such a deep post..what must have triggered such a chain of thought

but anyways...ur expression is amazing ...

Gayathri said...

@ZB hmm..yeah,but there's still a glimmer of hope that the guy moves into a better life..
Intricate words??You of all the people say that???

@Akhil..mone dinesha,no more 'nice'!!
Not fully a spurt of creativity..my fictitious masala imaginations on a basically real incident..

Gayathri said...

@ZB yeah thats what i told,marriage and relationships are a vital turning point..We may change altogether into a new person with new perspectives..

@Sujata,yeah i agree..but it's not the marriage,but the way the guy lived till date that mattered..he drowned himself in a fantasy world for so long that he finds it difficult to come out of it..

Gayathri said...

@Thousif,so you read only the closing line kya??? ;)..just kidding.. thanks :)

@Sucharita,yeah marriage is defntly a gradual process of getting to know each other,of understanding and of love..the trust,respect and love takes time..
Thanks :)

Gayathri said...

@Destiny's child, i've seen hunks finding it more difficult to get out of love than the fragile beings..:) i've no experience either..so let's leave it to the rest of the readers..

@Nazish,yeah it varies from person to person..lets wait n see..
Thanks :)

Gayathri said...

@Jyothi,yeah but i feel the guy needs to give it an open shot than remain confused the way he's now!!
No i've not seen the movie..
I'm glad that you dropped by.. Thanks :)

Gayathri said...

@Aparna,yeah there's no quick fix solution..but there definitely can be a triggering factor or a catalyst or a mutant that changes the course of life..
Thanks :)

@Satish thanks :)

Gayathri said...

@Nautankey Thanks :)

@Neha A bit of realism,and a bit of filmy masalas :D.. Thanks anyway :)