But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Monday, July 20, 2009


"Chettaa,Be careful ok..eat properly ok..!!"
My ears had been honed to this monologue,every single day,by a lady,in a very seductive tone..So very seductive that the love and care literally overflows.. :P

To all those who aren't accustomed to,'chetta' is a word,used to address the husband, by his spouse,reflecting her reverence and love for him.. These days,not many do that though,which can be ratified by dhanya's post on the aftermath of her best cousin's marriage,in which the bride says,"Eat one more chappathi,daa"!!I was shell-shocked when i heard sanu,of all the people,calling her husband,who was 8yrs elder to her, a 'da'..Sanu in particular coz she was the one,the abider of male chauvinism if i were to opine,who used to advice me to restrain from expecting too much in a groom,to nod a yes to whichever tom dick n harry likes me..that was an exaggeration,but still,in her opinion,the girls have only a subtle say in the relationship,which is where i disagree vehemently..

To come back to the aforesaid 'mono'logue..it had been echoing in my ears these days so strongly that i've quite reached the apex of vexation.. Not that there's something at all wrong with that..but,when spoken by a lady,who toils hard the whole day to bring up her family,to a man,who is a 'velavatti' or 'dandasoru' in tamil,i.e the one who does nothing better than eat sleep n shit at the lady's expenses,is something really irritating to a person like me,who i don't think is very outlandish,who thinks respect is not for the post of 'husband'cy, but his intellect,or his care n protection which he exhibits in either kind or cash earned..The annoyance wouldn't have been this aggravated if he were just another of those harmless boneless bisexual husbands who chose to be jobless..But our hero is not the one,who is to be categorized into the like..He is The Man..who yearns and aches to have his royal testosterone looked upon with veneration,which in his idea,can be achieved only by bellowing! And to my surprise,she never retaliates to his pointless hollers..

I was even more surprised when i learnt that theirs was a love marriage,a rebellious one,which has not been acceptable to the Hero's family even after 25yrs of marriage..She's beautiful even at this age,which makes me awe at the thought of how she would have been 25yrs ago..And he's even shorter than her by 4-5cm,dark,and a not-very-handsome guy,if you find hideous an effusive term.. Everytime i see them together,i feel like comparing them to a powercut-generator duo by all means..
Another of those epitomes of blind love..

I wonder how he spends the whole day,eating his ass off and farting off every single bit of it..I've known of men who spend all those hard earned bucks for booze,.I've known of men who even abandon the family irresponsibly..But this had been a totally new experience..

PS:The family had been living for rent in our outhouse for the past 6yrs..With both of them highly educated with a 10th std 'degree',she works as a home-maid, which i request the readers not to read at par with a 'servant'..

Khuda Hafiz


Sandy (chek my blog!) said...

This is a common occurrence in our country, especially among the less affluent. The husband behaves like a spoilt brat who is totally dependent on his spouse for sustenance, and still insists on being addressed like a king by her.

As you have pointed out, this is mostly due to the submissive nature of the 'Bharatiya Nari'.

Hopefully, with improving educational standards, the situation will improve.

Cheers :)

ZiLliOnBiG said...

you know, all men, ladies who aint married have this awe and expectation about marriage and would be.We expect this and that , but if you are planning to have an arranged marriage( which i assume is the case) how on earth are you going to know his real character? he may be living in bangalore or mumbai or in US but fucking around, or drugging around.

In a way the old system of marrying your cousin( mamaas daughter) is a better way, since you know each other since long.

I am one of the luckiest to have married a woman whom i liked to marry, since long and the one i have been seeing since i can remember.we being very close family friends. My wife clls me Cheta- the moment we land in kerala, otherwise i can hear her call, koranga(monkey), badukoos( dim-wit), etc....Nicely written.:)

ZiLliOnBiG said...

BTW, you always come up with strange and out-of-this-world titles for your posts.

Is it that you find the title first and then write the post accordingly or the other way(like in film misic, before in old times, musicians used to read the lyrics and then tune the song)>:))))))))))))

ZiLliOnBiG said...

to tell you the truth, i proposed my wife when i was in the first year of college and she blatantly refused. Then i proposed again after a year and again she refused. I was behind her for almost 4 years with innumerable romantic proposals and trying to impress her in the most difficult of ways. Finally 2 years before marriage she nodded( not in one go, but the nod took 6 months)her YES, and i was on top of the world.

I asked her after marriage why it took so long, and she said, she didnt like me initially. She thought i was a big showoff, over smart, unintelligent(stupid) and rude.Now, after she has lived with me for 4 years, she finds me caring, loving, sensitive, emotional, and most important empathetic(AHEM). hehe:))

Anonymous said...

well, not a common experience. Had seen the same kind of family in Chandigarh. The lady was our house-maid. In this case, servant is at par with house-maid :-)
the lady is pretty and the man is ugly.. love is blind truly!

Dhanya said...

Nice post 'da'!

I don't think I will ever be able to call my future husband 'chetta'. Sounds really eww to me :P At most, like ZB's wife, I would address him as 'koranga' or 'kazhutha'. More than enuff..

Financial dependence of a husband on his wife is kinda sad really. If the guy can't take care of his partner, why get married in the first place ? If he is physically unwell, it can be understood. But in this case... sucks totally! Love is really blind...

Thousif Raza M.B said...

i totally agree (again) maybe he is just damn lucky, damn him, some people just take things for granted, which i hate the most, people like those should be hanged drowned and quarterted, but still love goes a long way, you just dont think abt anything else but the person and it kinda on the overdose with the so called 'degree' guys......

and abt the second statement whats wrong in calling a person elder than one 'da', i think it shows more love and its cute, things like this are one, which make life all the more lovely, watch the film 'good will hunting' and you will know what i mean

take care and keep writing......

ZiLliOnBiG said...

hey, i saw you comment on my post and then saw your photograph, was wondering which GAY3 is this, then i landed here.

So that's how you look,huh.Wow, you are gorgeous, no wonder your parents dont want to wait and marry you off. Pretty daughters are always a liabilities. So are handsome sons. hehe, ahem,ahem that's why they married me off when i was 26. :))

Aw.S.M said...

Its sad aint it..i guess thats how the lady has been raised - to obey and listen to her husband..yes she maybe a house-maid but in her own home she def is the "Servant".

Its sad that the guy doesnt have the balls to work his ass off and feed the family..it really is..

I dont even know the lady but still i feel for her..


Gayathri said...

@Sandy,yeah true..this is very common in the lower strata..and i dont think it's just the 'bharatiya nari' thing..but a lady,at least in the country side,has protection,at least morally,only if she is with her husband..which obviously makes the woman submissive to her husband..

Gayathri said...

@ZB it's not abt the expectation part..it's really cool when the couple is so much into each other that the 'da' becomes a token of affection and playfulness..but the girl i mentioned about in the post is someone who always advices me in a be-submissive-to-male-domination tone..not that i'm any feminist..but this domination part effs..in my opinion,we do get the equal status already,but it's these conventional ladies who deny their privilege..

Gayathri said...

@ZB contd..
yeah,true,to an extent,the old way is good,but that sometimes we may not feel like looking at someone who was ur childhood frnd in a diff way..
Yours was a love marriage>?!! cool..icecool!!! reading all ur posts,i'd a feeling it was an arranged one..and hardwork always pays!? wow!! She though u were 'stupid'??You were an NITian ryt?and still? hahaha!!

And regding the title..hehe..well,i agree the titles are out-of-the-world type..but dont ridicule me by asking if i write a post based on the title! do i sound that cheap?? :P hehe..i love to have titles which doesnt give away what i'm gonna talk abt..thats all.>!

Gayathri said...

@Ramya,yeah,sadly,love is blind..i would like to quote durga,'love is blind..but make sure one eye is open..':)

@Dhanya,'da' 'da' 'da'..lol..
Abt chetta part,we dont call our husbands 'anna' at home..so i dont have to worry abt that :D
yeah it's sad :|

Gayathri said...

@Thousif,yeah love goes a long way..it has to..but then,why dont u end up loving a beggar then? i would never agree to 'blind love' phenomenon..It doesnt just happen! What we feel are divine blind love,are nothing but deception to be revealed sooner or later..

@ZB,whoaa!! you say i'm gorgeous!! i'm flattered.. ~blush~ :D

Gayathri said...

@Amit,the lady is really very smart you know..the way she manages the house is laudable..i wonder why she still stays silent..

~ manish ~ said...

I couldn't understand the point u wanted to convey. Is it that its cliche to call ur husband "chetta" not branded for todays free woman or that husbands r becoming equivalent to MCPs??? U cant brand the whole lot of us as MCPs seeing a few. Too bad we don't have any equivalent for MCP. We've to be satisfied with bitches!

And love is blind on some occasions but marriage surely is the eye-opener!!! I didnt say this. This is also cliched. We also oyu

Amrit said...

I completely fail to understand why a female should be submissive and should not have much say in selecting her life partner!! Well, infact now in India..a lot more females are now following their heart! :)

I hate men who lives off their life on wife's hard earned money..and more when they still feel that they should be trated like God. I mean marriage is not about who is superior..its like holding one when the other is falling!!

When our folks will understand this!!

ZiLliOnBiG said...

Humm, not just NIT, i am an MBA from Symbiosis Institute, Pune,( sorry, i am a certified showoff) yet she thinks i am Stoopid.
And she tells me, so many men lined up in front of her house, to marry her, and she did the wrong choice. When will i finally woo her successfully.women are so difficult.:((

Gayathri said...

@ZB,lol..you couldnt win her yet?? lol..pathetic!! didnt know u were an nit=symb combi..sheay,why did u marry so soon??could have waited ryt.. :P..
just kidding :D

hary!! said...

I'd agree with ZB, i think its better to get married to some one of yur relation, rather than going ahead with any kinda arranged marriage as we hardly know what he/she is upto though our folks have an immense belief and faith that marriages are made in heaven!
Either that or do what ZB did, love a gal crazily and get married to her!! and coming to the chetta...ya i still adore when some one calls their spouse like that or even a "da" , "ya" , it sounds so cute... cya as usual sweet write..tc


♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

oh my teacher calls her husband chetta! :P
great post!!! loved it!!!
great blog too... first time im visiting you.. :)

Thousif Raza M.B said...

as your statement of loving a begger, well when you see the person first there is no love, there is just pity, that he doesnt have what we have so we give him what we have in excess

but in love as much as you give you recive, even sometimes if you dont, you expect that today there will be something, that today there will be something, yeah i know it sick, but still you expect good things to happen to you everyday dont cha???

thats what life is all abt expecting good things in life, i hope you agree, if not lets keep the argument going on :), no worries from my side

take care and keep writing......