But, is it nothing to know when you are dying, when you are about to take leave of this world, of its joys and sorrows, when the past of your life is unfurled before you, when eternity opens wide its portals, is it nothing to know at that last awful,supreme moment of your lives, that you have not lived in vain, that you have lived for the benefit of others, that you have lived to help in the cause of your country's regeneration?

-Surendranath Banerjea

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Me..Myself..

I'm cringing and shrinking into myself these days..not being introvert..not being self-centered..but some kind of inertia holding me tight within the clutches of loneliness..kinda resorting to insightful introspection..

What do i have to muse so much about?I had never been a complex character to be dug and dissected..My life has always been simple enough to be cracked with an average savvy..But i'm switched into a thinking mode for pretty long..Trying desperately to topple it..but flunking each time..

I'm no more interested in hang outs,not in movies,not in parties,.Life is turning out to be a hide and seek with me choosing to hide each time..There are those rejected phone calls and unanswered messages and neglected chats..

Perhaps the new twists and turns in my life and the inevitable bafflement is all responsible for my state of mind..
Perhaps the advent of a new serious life plays the magic..

Reasons apart..
I have become all alone..
Perhaps not alone..but trailing from a sucking loneliness to the genial solitude..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

23 comments:

Aileen said...

way to spirituality????????
[:P]

Gayathri said...

who said solitude is a way to spirituality? i'm not learning to be "__",alright?don't have any such wrong notions!!

Aileen said...

k then go ahead u ll be next......

Gayathri said...

crap! i will never be! i'm not as stupid as him to fart behind someone and live in a fool's paradise!!

Aileen said...

i mean u ll be next naranathu pranthi hi hi............

Gayathri said...

podi!

ramya said...

Gawd! I have been the same! I thought that I dont like all the malls and movies because i am on my way to having a grown-up mind.. never thought that i was lonely! oh.. i am so silly!

ramya said...

REALLY... isnt that man on the horse moving? I really think he is moving.. or is it just an illusion?

hary!! said...

am sorry just came across yur blog...is this kind of some sequence or whats the reason why yu feelin dis way... any way the wonderful articulation!! except i didnt understand y yu felt dis way!...keep writin!

Gayathri said...

@ramya,it's just a phase dear..everyone has that kind of phases of aloofness..i'm just afraid if it's gonna be too hard for me to shudder soon..
And yeah,well,it's good if the horse is moving..moving ahead in the path of life..or wrt this post,moving ahead in the path to solitude..

Gayathri said...

@hary,well,not any sequence and all..just musings of all times..and some feelings would lack the rationale for an explanation..

anyway,welcome to my blogosphere..hope to see you around.. :)

Ninoy said...

Its good that you enjoy your company.

Some one said that's all the proof that you need that others enjoy yours.

Mad Blogger said...

You know what - there are times when you want solitude - run far far away from this maddening crowd of people around you. You try to run; but cant.. But I dont necessarily agree with cutting off ties with the rest of the world in persuit of solitude. look around you. There would be people who would want your presence... Its just a case of opening our eyes and looking out...

Gayathri said...

@Ninoy,yeah that someone is Henry Greber(if i rem right :D)..i'd read it too.. and those words are my solace :)

@Mad blogger,yeah i know there might be people around valuing my company..but then,only if i take some time for myself,will i be able to keep others happy too..
btw,welcome :)..hope to see you around :D

Dhanya said...

Hmmm... I guess all of us go through such times now and then. Believe me, this is just a phase and you will get over it! :)

Gayathri said...

@Dhanya,i understand..i've had such phases before too,but that it has been quite strong this time..

btw,Welcome :)

Thousif Raza M.B said...

join the club yaar, i too sometimes just feel the same

life sometimes takes bad turns, but u gotta face it by a smile on our face, i know i sound dumb, but try it that stuff called smile really works ;)

try it now...


see it worked rgt ;)


take care and keep writing....

Thousif Raza M.B said...

and the suprise i told you about is in my blog, friends corner, check it out, hope you will like it ;)



take care and keep writing.........

Gayathri said...

@thousif,yeah i know it's just 'a' phase,..but just being too attached and comfortable with it that im afraid if i'll come out of the clouds in near future :D

mon espace said...

Although ppl. make a big halaboo when someone turns into a temporary recluse, i think its very important to let the person be.

Dont roll around in it for too long tho :P that would require someone coming over and man handling you- that you dont want! ;)

here's a hug!! My theraputic hugs always work, even the virtual ones ;)

Gayathri said...

@veda,yeah man,i know it's just a temporary stuff..yet another passing cloud.. :D..
thot this post would go into oblivion..but look,it's the one which ppl wannna advice me the most on..how i should behave when i have this loneliness monster pricking me..lol..
anyway,thanks a lot for the hug buddy :)

AnjuGandhi said...

thanx for stopping by my blog. I value your opinion.
read your this post. this sort of mood swings are part of growing up. I speak with experience after all I have two almsot grown up children. As you grow the things which used to attract you earlier, the things which you considered to be your passion no longer gives you satisfaction and you desiret to try new pastures. So don't worry every one goes through this phase

Gayathri said...

@anju,yeah i know these are all the landmarks indicating that im really growing up..becoming a real woman and not a girl..
anyway,thanks for stopping by :)