Wonder Woman

Feminism and politics is back with a bang in me. It's been 9 months since my wedding and more than a year since my engagement and 3.5yrs since my job. And every single event had an impact of it's own in me. I had almost stopped reading newspapers, stopped watching and ranting about barkha dutta (Yes, i still watch her programmes due to her charisma, and i still feel frustrated about her being opinionated), stopped worrying about the nation.. It was like i had better things to attend to at the moment than worry over things which i had no influence on.

It was when i started losing sleep over the plight of India that i realized that i am now settled in my life, in my new role. Fitting in the role perfectly, playing it dexterously.

2yrs back, that was before my parents started the groom hunt in all these matrimonial sites and in relatives' wedding, my view of employment was that of time pass. I had a view that when marital responsibilities gets on the head, employment steps out of the caravan, which is not the case anymore.The sole person responsible for such a change is this woman who i always considered stupid. An aunt of mine. And i do not know where i picked that opinion about her from. It might probably be because her parents kept flaunting her schooltime grades to us when we were kids. Months before my engagement, over a small talk, she picked up my frivolous attitude on job. The trail of advices that followed changed my complete mindset. About how job is absolutely necessary to be an independent and dignified woman.

Coming to think of it, she was right. A job renders an individuality to a woman. If i wanted to assert my individuality as a Hillary Rodham and not Hillary Clinton, I had to be self reliant. Wedlock shouldn't be a license to lean on the husband completely.

My job has taught me a lot of things. It has taught me how narrow and how broad people can be. It has shown me different ways of sham and hypocrisy in people. It has shown me how people struggle to get a job. It has shown me the ground realities of life. Of loans and EMIs. Of savings and investments. Of stinginess and extravaganza. It has changed my outlook in ways unimaginable. From religious conservatism to gay marriage. And i am forever grateful to my parents for allowing me to be a woman before marrying me off, when most of my friends got married when they were still girls.

There's this guy in my office who has amazed me in a totally unpleasant way with his chauvinism. He had strong views against working mothers. He never looked at job for a woman as a need for assertion but as a demonstration of greed. His point was that we must respect our culture and tradition, the one which urges the woman to stay indoors to raise the kids and bind the family together. Any deviation from it can be tolerated until she has a kid, after which she should own up the responsibility of the kid.Men are allowed to have passion and commitment for their work ... a woman is allowed that feeling for a man, but not her work.

For some reason, he never revealed all that to me, and instead encouraged me to seek an onsite. I am still unsure if that was genuine or if he was measuring me. But his general views made him a strong contender to be an MCP*. He encouraged every one of his married teammates to make their wives resign. His chauvinism drove him even to ask me if my in-laws don't mind me driving a vehicle!

There was this incident that this guy narrated. One of his friends went to meet a girl, arranged by their parents of course.
Guy : Do you want to work or leave the job after wedding?
Girl : I want to work
Guy : Why?
Girl : Why means? I want to work.
Guy : Explain why you would like to continue working. I am earning enough and i am financially well off. Why do you want to work then?
Girl : I would like to save something to buy my parents an apartment. As you see, i don't have siblings, and i am completely responsible in taking care of my parents.
Guy : Ok. So i would work. You would work. To facilitate both of ours employment and bringing up our kids, my parents would work at home. And the sole benefit of all these would be an apartment for your parents. I do not wish to marry you.

All these were happening among educated and civilised youth in south india. It was totally unbelievable. I specify south india because the south has been comparatively welcoming on the issue of a girl child. At least in Kerala i had not often heard of anyone yearning for a baby boy or bargaining over dowry whereas that is all i hear from the North. Even the most educated people, like this lady i know from the capital through a friend, who did her thesis on women empowerment, needs only grandsons ; she herself has only sons. People fail to link this fetish for boy children with the increased rape incidents in the NCR. People fail to link the dowry system with the obsession for boy children.

There's this movie, Mathrubhumi, a nation without women. It assumes more importance than ever when we consider the criminally and sexually charged atmosphere in Haryana and Delhi. A vast majority of people do not women except for sex. In spite of education and exposure and modernity, a lot of them are still not able to grapple with the fact that women are an asset and not a burden any more. A lot of them like my colleague still do not want an independent and assertive woman who would demolish his supremacy. Why don't they realize, that it's the daughters who light up a home! As the saying goes, a son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.

*Male Chauvinistic Pig.

Khuda Hafiz
~gayathri~

Hello World

It's been a really long time since i visited my space. I had given up hopes on jotting down anything at all. I found in my earlier posts, a spur of immaturity. I found them nothing more than a play of words, a showcase of vocab. My words did have the honesty that revealed my ignorance of the world. Somewhere along the bubble burst. I had to answer the knock of reality. I started growing. Got a job. Got out of home and lived on my own. Got married. Tried to fight certain conventions, but fell down exhausted. Gave up to the age old nose poking tradition of the society. I became a wife, a happy one at it. And i was nothing but that. After running for 7 months, i realized that i had forgotten things which were once my passion and obsession. I stopped singing or listening. I stopped reading or writing. I stopped trying new things at the kitchen {other than the 3 meals a day}. I became a pathetic person but a happy one at it. "Here I am, lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses"
And here i am. Decidedly to resume scribbling/ranting/puking.

#Yet another insignificant inconsequential post. But as always, content. 



Khuda Hafiz
~gayathri~

:-|

Another vishu went by.

I hate to think that this would perhaps be the last vishu when i can rightfully claim to go home. I seriously hate this male chauvinistic patriarchal society where you're expected to merge into husband's family, attach husband's surname, and give up your individuality totally. What's this? Some Merger acquisition?! I would rather be Hillary Rodham than Hillary Clinton, or even Hillary Rodham Clinton.

I'd lost my hope in malayalam movies and indian politics. I don't want to deliberate on the latter. But seems like it's the renaissance period for the former. Lately, there have been a lot of good movies,most of which i watched during vishu, with quality, variety and freshness.

Pranayam, indian rupee, salt n pepper, chappa kurish, traffic, best actor.. we did have more than just a couple of good movies.. Initial reviews of 22 female kottayam are also compelling. At last, i see a better future for malayalam films, which extends beyond the nonsense heroism of prithviraj!!

PS: i know there's nothing legible in this post. Please discard.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

..as dear to me as are the ruddy drops..

June 23, 2011
That's when i last visited and posted something here. 7 months passed by, and wrinkles started appearing on my body making me feel older. I suddenly realized that i have been kicking and alive for the last 24 years without a change in status. Everything but the marital status changed. I became tall. Put on bit by bit and became fat, and then obese, and then normal, and then slim. Became dark, and then normal. Grew hairs, and lost them too. Became irritatingly garrulous and then enigmatically reserved and then curt with candour. I started reading. Stopped reading. Started again.

I kept changing, evolving, a constant metamorphosis. The only thing that never changed was the fact that i was single. Not that i gave a damn, but a nut needs a bolt at some point for the fullness. And that was the moment, to be precise,10.45am, 25th Jan 2011, when i had a band sliding through my ring finger and a butterfly sliding through my food pipe which is flying happily in my stomach now ;). We were complete strangers a month ago, who now felt like we were waiting for each other all this while, who assured each other of lifelong companionship. And that was the moment i believed in destiny, the providence, and that marriages are made in heaven!

PS : If i do visit my blogsville in the next 4 months, readers (if any) can expect something on courtship :D.

PPS: I'm struggling to write which i didn't have to, 2 years back :(. I'm certainly becoming old..

PPPS : I didn't like the way Rushdie was treated in the backdrop of Jaipur Lit Fest. But i don't have the mood to vent my frustration in such matters right now. So, dear religion and controversies, see you some time soon.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Hope of a better day

What drives me currently is sheer petulance, helplessness and frustration at the state of affairs my country is in. There seems to be no start or end to the saga. And the proportion of sham is bizarrely gigantic. IPL, CWG, 2G, the manipulative Radia tapes, Devas-ISRO deal, Adarsh housing, KG Basin,and what next? Every day we wake up to hear one or the other fiascoes of the government. And the unapologetic arrogant responses from people like Kapil Sibal and the irritatingly naive remarks from respectable people like Dr.Singh.

Who do we approach for succor. The very people who were chosen to protect and nourish us are oozing every drop of life out of us. When tons of food grains were found rotting, i thought it was just Sharad pawar. When Airlines started running in loss, i thought it was just Praful Patel. When IPL scam came, I thought it was just Shashi Tharoor. When Adarsh Scam was out, i thought it was just Ashok Chavan. Or at the most Vilasrao Deshmukh or Sushil Kumar Shinde. And then unfurls the huge list of Kalmadi,Raja,Maran,Kanimozhi,Murli Deora, and people who are yet to be known, or people who aren't known to me.

It's not just the UPA or the central govt. Look at Yeddyurappa. The shameless crook who clings to his throne in the most brazen manner possible. Look at Orissa, where the govt is more than eager to kick or wipe out the helpless tribals to appease POSCO or Vedanta. Look at Maharashtra where thousands of farmers suicide every year, yet all that the government does is manipulate the figures to show that the suicide rates are considerably low.

When Ambani brothers took to street their internal feuds, i thought Mukesh was the guileless one. The better in the beasts. "The Buck stops here tonight" made me an ardent fan of Barkha. The display of magnanimity to his employees during 26/11 made me genuflect at the broadness and integrity of Ratan Tata. But it came as a huge blow that they were nothing but creative creations of manipulative media. The omnipotent, which can make the most hated person out of today's most powerful and admired person with a dexterous turn of the pen, or a skillful tap on the keys.

Arundhati roy's statement that maoists were patriots and kashmiri secessionists were freedom fighters aroused uncontrollable fury in me. I felt like spitting on her face. But now i realise how true she is. At least to a great extent. One loses his faith in the system with such turn of events. If i were in the neglected forests of Orissa or Jharkhand or West Bengal, i would have become a maoist too. If i were cut out from the mainland in some north eastern town, deprived of all that should be rightfully mine,I would have joined NNC-F or ULFA. If i were in Kashmir, clouted and trampled by the govt of India over and over again, i would have turned into a stone pelter too. The only reason why I'm here, in an air conditioned office, tapping on the keys furiously is that i was blessed to be born into a safe and secure family in the relatively safe and secure God's own country. As per Hindu mythology, the quid pro quo of some good conduct in my previous birth.

Now Anna threatens the government of an indefinite fast. I don't compare him with Gandhiji. Neither do i call his, a second freedom struggle. I also agree with the government's argument that yielding to the demands of an individual or an undemocratic organization of individuals like Anna's team would undermine the stature of a democratic institution. But how else did the Blacks get to vote in the US but for Martin Luther King Jr? How else did Women's Suffrage come into existence but for the protests and rallies of millions of women demanding for equal rights? They were all show of power by random and loose collection of individuals, crying and clamoring for their rights at the democratically elected government which was happily comfortable to shut the ears and close the eyes.

I personally do not want Anna to be bigger and nobler than the Government of India. But let Government come up with a more accepted and better version of an anti corruption law than what the civil activists suggest. Arresting or gagging anyone who raises voice against the State is not acceptable. What distinguishes India from China or Myanmar or Pakistan is tolerance. And incidents like Binayak sen and Arundhati roy and Ramlila would only be a blot in the history of the nation. Success is transient and evanescent without healthy criticism. By gagging the intellectuals in the country, the government is setting the foundation to build a nation of insensitive people who have no balls to respond and resist..schmucks who wouldn't give a damn if the country goes to hell or heaven.

I'm still not pessimistic. Even when the 2002 pogrom is unforgettable, Narendra Modi is doing a commendable job in not just developing the state, but also curbing corruption of every form. Even when UPA is falling from one abyss to a deeper one, people like Jairam Ramesh and A.K.Antony still possess the respect and admiration of many. Nithish Kumar is doing more than an appreciable job in wiping out poverty and squalor from Bihar, and making it a state worthy of Indian Pride. As long as we have leaders like them, we can have hope.

I'm still not pessimistic. People are vigilant now. The recent polls, the election turn out being at a record high in some states, reveal that people have still not forgotten that the Government is By the people, and not by a few arrogant hollow headed people who believe that they are from from Mars or Venus and hold no accountability to anyone. I have hope. As Obama says,hope of a better day. Of breeze and sunshine.

Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
-Shawshank Redemption 

PS: Baba Ramdev does not deserve a mention here. I personally believe his is just a publicity stunt for some ulterior motive, to be achieved sooner or later.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~