8035 Days!!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Infidelity

'He couldn't help turning back once again..surreptitiously though..

She was hot..different from what he ever imagined in his umpteen dreams where he crawled and lay entangled with some female..
The voluptuous body,and the pink sumptuous lips and the seductive eyes that glanced at him with a coy filled cue and the long artistic fingers with the beautifully crafted nails and the long slender neck and the short hair that heaved over her shoulders which fell more on the browner side unusually for a south-indian:he couldn't help himself from being aroused..

He had this unsuppressible urge to hold her,..kiss her..unbutton her shirt and lay naked with her..Everytime he looked at her,he went 20yrs down the memory lane when Mr.Athlete weds Ms.Damsel was all that he felt people talked about..Wherever he turned to,all he heard was a 'made for each other' remark..Unlike every other love marriages which sabotaged in a few years due to problems unidentifiable,theirs was the perfect combination of elements resulting in two other impeccable creed of compounds..

Deepak's was a happy family..as happy as it could be..with a wife,educated and austere,demanding reverence from who ever got to know of her..with the two sweet boys who always topped in school not just in acads but in extra curriculars,thanks to his wife's meticulous efforts..with a job giving him all kinds of satisfaction ranging from monetary benefits to the leisure factor,that he ever looked forward to during his days of pursuing a job..


Problems started when she started being repulsive at bed..Initially all he did was blame the work pressure..He pulled on,patiently,with hopes of a new sunrise..But all the more patient he was,more offensive she became..He even started doubting his manhood..doubting her fidelity..Until he got to know of the physical changes that she was undergoing..Menopause..the inevitable phenomenon in every woman's life..


Deprivation of a meal coupled with an offer of cake plunged him into the abyss of infidelity with his newly joined private secretary..He forced himself into oblivion,.of his wife..his children..his duties towards his family..all that appeared before him was his bodily pleasures which he no more could hold on..'

Bangalore shows me new ways of life that im unaccustomed to..of infidelity..of flings..one night stands..of fragile human relationships..Aren't we losing the values and traditions that we long upheld??Reminds me of Life in Metro,in dino..
I had a colleague narrate to me an incident which happened here..a group of friends,gals and guys,who were close enough to be found always together,..be at work place or parties or hang outs or treks..among them,a guy who escapes from bachelorhood invites others for a party at his home,which was a 1bhk..A booze party which left not even a single person even remotely close to sober..The couple sleep in their bedroom and everyone else in their gang in the hall..

Partying remains the mantra of their life for the next 3 months..together they were,as always..friends forever they called themselves..Until,one girl,a spinster,in the group had a morning sickness and ended up in a doctor's bed only to be diagonosed as pregnant..None of the guys know who is responsible,and neither does the girl..Alcohol just stirred every goddamn emotions out of every one there and now all of the so called forever friends are awaiting for the child to be delievered for a DNA test to finalize which guy will have his wedding bells ringing with the girl..

Nayi Bharat Ki Nayi Kahani!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Thoughts..

I woke up the third time from the sleep which was already broken..I was not initially sleepy despite the clock ticking 1am..Lost in the thoughts,which veered from rejuvenating to tiring ones,eyes felt heavy and at some point in time,unknown yet,i slept..

I had weird dreams..

I was lost in a desert..With no one to talk..no one to help me out either.. I was on my my own,totally..Wherever i turned to there was nothing but the hot grit and gravel..I shouted..I ran..endlessly..until i could pull on no more..

I panted..searching for the bottle of water i thought i had kept by my bed..But no,it wasn't there..I strolled across all the rooms in the flat aimlessly and returned back to bed..

Slumber showered its blessings upon me again..

And this time what i had to endure was a train of advices..Ever since i landed in bangalore,i'd been constantly under the fears of,1)wrong place to live, 2)to board an auto 3)expenditure exceeding the income.. All the more stinchy i tried to be,i ended up spending more profligately..All my belongings,which lay astray in my room reminded me of my expenses in the past..Not that i belonged to the league of that 'spoilt kid' which bible stated..but bangalore makes me spend..either out of necessities or out of uncontrollable whims..

This time i didn't jump out of the bed..Bearable stuffs you see..All i did was stay awake,for the fear of drowning in another dream..

Somewhere along,i slept again..

And yet,i was awake..awake in the thoughts..

Was that a tremor that i felt??I tried to concentrate..No,it was not..It was my mobile sincerely informing me of the endless stream of messages..I could hang on not any more..

I closed my eyes tight..and got out of the bed..walked like a kid with the help of the walls and switch boards which showed me the way..and finally i reached where i had to..

I switched on the light.. rubbed my eyes..and let myself dissolve in His glory..The innocent smile..The radiance..The fruits and coins and gold exhibited..(flowers were not available)!..And

Yes,it was vishu..The first vishu away from home..Without those 'kaineetams' and familial visits..Simple yet humble..we celebrated it as best as we could..

Happy Vishu.

PS:I'm constantly under this doubt of who to follow..my instincts and what my mind says is right,or what others,the formless,speechless society set forth..I prefer the former..and till date,had abided by what my mind asked me to..but the pressure that the people who i love,who love me equally,put upon me,keeping the social status at stake disgusts me,depresses me..
PPS:I especially want the moron Durga to reply!!!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Writer's Block!

Apr 5th..
I complete a semester of successful career in software industry..
An advice that every tom dick and harry gave generously was never to stick to this field..
Do an MBA,someone says..
When are you getting married,someone else asks..
Start teaching in a college,another someone suggests..
Write PO tests for the banks,none other than my banker dad instructs..
Right since oct 5th did i start wondering what was so very wrong with this job that every single person i meet suggests me otherwise..Did it not pay handsomely..Did it not give job satisfaction..Reverential status..
All along the roller coaster training that lasted 6 months,which witnessed my terrible ups and downs like never before,i scratched my head trying to find reasons to prove that this was not a place worth showing just the backs to..

But by the time i finished the training to start the real work,divine intervention got into the play to make me understand that,software industry was like a shit-pit..no one likes it..but no one can do without it..
Not much of a clairvoyance is required to identify a software guy in the crowd,for mostly in cities like Bangalore,therez a probability that 70% of the people u bump into will be a s/w pro among which,a mallu is 90% probable to bump into another mallu ..a guy walking with a headset constantly in action and doesn't mind ignoring the balance from a street vendor would mostly zero to a s/w pro..

The salary account,that gets refilled by the end of every month,blinds you from getting out of the pit..and you toil,day in and day out,as if you would be awarded a khel ratna at the end of it,thus sacrificing whatever whims and fancies used to adorn your life and fill it with substance.. You keep murmuring to yourself the words of consolence and solace to pull on,saying it's how the flow of life is..But not until you are really crushed out of juice do you realize that it is the coffee that matters and not the make of the mug..

PS:Month end definitely does make me happy.. and I'm till date not that very frustrated about where i'm coz the kind of friends that i made during the training and the fun i had with them were not the least comparable with the 22 years of experience i had on the globe..Kudos to all of them..

PPS:I wanted to restart blogging..Thought for a while..Thought for a longer while..About what to write..or at least what to crib..But that was when i understood that i had to revisit the kinder garten to restart writing the craps again..Reminded me of  Nikolai Gogol,the Russian writer,who starved himself to death on finding that he was into a perpetual writer's block from which he had no escape(Though he would suicide a second time on finding that i dared comparing him with me!!! :D)..And hence the crap!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

The Burden of Love..

Preface:

THIS IS NOT MY WORK.I got it forwarded from someone..i just loved it quite a lot for the intensity of emotions in it.. And i felt like applauding the anonymous author by publishing it here..So please,no accusations of plagiarism!!

The burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life.

Ragging is fun. We always escaped from our seniors when we were in the first year of our graduation. Dancing infront of female seniors, hugging the trees and calculating the lengths of the buses with match sticks, yep, it was indeed great fun to get ragged. Personally I have gained many good friends too.

Now that I am in the second year, I started to rag. Screwing guys and flirting girls is the meaning of ragging in my dictionary until one fine day I saw her.

“Hey Shania... come here” I called one of the happening girl’s around. “I am getting bored... why don’t you accompany me to the canteen?” I asked her. The expressions on her face were changing. “I know that you have to catch a bus to your home town” I said. She looked at me pretending innocence and asked, “How did you know?”

“I have been to my home town many times before when I was also a junior, even though Hyderabad is my home town.” I told her. Knowing that she’s caught, she stopped giving me lame excuses.

Some prior knowledge about Shania and some lucky flukes, I pretended reading her face and ultimately I ended up holding her hands. Even as I rubbed her hand on the pretext of reading her palm, she listened to me with great interest.

I am a scorpion and henceforth the animal magnetism that draws the opposite sex towards me. I know how to handle girls. I had a very good name in my college, both academically as well as in extracurricular activities. And she knew all this. How did she? I made sure that she knew bits and pieces about me before I made the first impression. And now, Voila, I hit the bull’s eye.

One hour later, we were good friends. Shania fell for me. And I took the control.

“I will drop you at your home, Shania” I told her. She was initially reluctant before I successfully coaxed her. A hand slowly fell on my shoulder and I slightly lost control of my bike. My bike jerked a lil’ and Shania dashed to my back.

‘Grow up dear..’ I saw a guy standing infront of me and preaching. ‘Yes, sir’ I bade good bye to my conscience and I dropped her at her home.

Days passed by and then weeks. I was getting closer and closer to her. Is she gonna be the girl in my life? Should I propose her? Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind.

One fine day, she called up. “Sanju, I know I am losing myself to you. I know that you are reciprocating the same feelings to. I know you as a good friend. I know you as a great lover. Perhaps after my dad and mom, you are the one who’s most important in my life. I guess I can’t live without you. I.....” there was a pause for a minute.

All the while she was speaking, I was holding my breath to hear those three words. ‘Come on say it Shania’ I thought in my mind.
“I don’t know where this is gonna end. My parents are way too orthodox to agree for our marriage. Why don’t we end this here?” she continued.

“But I still love you....” she said and there was a pause for a while. Tears trickled down my cheeks. Had she told me the last phrase alone, I would have been the happiest soul in this world.

What’s the point in saying an I love you which is not gonna sustain. Whats the point in being in a relationship which is not gonna last?

And I decided to breakup with her even before I could actually reciprocate her proposal.

One year passed, and whenever our ways crossed, she gave those blank glances at me. And I just bent my head and avoided her.
One day, it was late night when I was returning home when I saw a girl show her thumb hitching a ride. ‘Shania?’ and I stopped my bike. She stepped onto my bike and asked me to drive to this certain place where there was no one.

I pulled the stand and my bike rested on it. She held me by my shirt and shouted out loud, “why are you avoiding me? Why are you looking at me as if I were an enemy? Please, I do love you, but I am frightened of my parents. I just can’t live without you” and she started crying as she held my shirt and hugged me.

A woman’s heart is too deep to be understood. But that time I felt that I saw her true feelings towards me. I knew she loved me from the depths of her heart. I saw how much she cared me.

“Don’t worry baby, I will take care of it. I will see that we get married,” I said even as I kissed her on her forehead.

They say that a guy who often prays when in a relationship is damn serious about the relationship. I prayed too often. More than often, I prayed, each and every minute. I prayed to god that she and I should get married, that too with the blessings of our parents. Little did I know that I was asking for something which would never be granted.

Two years, we were in love. I watched movies with her, I have dined with her and I have walked down the roads hand in hand with her. But more than the fact that I enjoyed her company, I was always frightened that this wouldn’t last long. I never knew when we would be separated. I never knew when this relationship would come to an end.

The only thing that I could do was pray. And I never neglected my career too. After all, if our parents agree, we should be self sufficient at least.

For a few weeks, I couldn’t contact her. One day she called me up on my mobile. She said, “I am sorry Sanju. I revealed our story to my parents. My mom was about to consume poison, when my dad and me stopped her. I love my mom so much. I don’t want to lose her. I love you too. But I am frightened that my mom may kill herself. I don’t want to build a memorial of love on the grave of my parents. Please do forget me Sanju. I am sorry” she said and cut the call.

I always anticipated such an answer. It was shocking indeed for me. All these days, I have imagined her to be my wife. I have been to places of worship along with her. I ....

And now she called me saying that she’s succumbing to her parent’s pressures?

Parents are very selective about the marriage of their kids. A sense of social status is more important to them rather than the life of their kid. At least what right do they have over some one else’s child. Isn’t my life spoiled? I am not the kinda guy who just lets things go off his head and go on with life.

She always said, “I love my parents and you” and I said “I love you more than my parents”. What could she have done if I were also to threaten her or blackmail her by saying that I would consume poison and commit suicide? She would have still stayed with her parents. It was my mistake to fall in love.

And from the very next moment I started to drink and smoke. Few habits which I detested throughout my life. A few weeks later, I came to know that she married another guy. And the burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life....

I closed the diary. I understood the pain which my son must have undergone when he lost the lady whom he loved. I felt a stinging pain in my heart. I have never been I love. I loved only four people. My parents and my wife and the last but not the least, my son. But after reading his diary I was in his shoes for a while. I could understand his feelings.

If he had told me about his love, I would have talked to the parents of the girl and persuaded them to get these young hearts married. But I came to know later from one of my son’s friends that he had done all that, he could. He spoke to the girl’s parents. He fell at their feet. He begged them. But of no avail.

Her parents might have had the right to spoil her life. But what right did they have to spoil that of my son? Citing some caste and social problems, they rejected his love.

“Sanju, my darling....” I closed my eyes and opened them wiping the tears from my eyes.

And I saw the past unfold infront of my eyes. The day when the nurse told me that I had a baby boy, the day when he kicked on my chest with those cute little feet of his, the day when he learnt to walk on his own, the day when I admitted him to school when he held my shirt pleading me not to leave him, the day he brought home the prize he won in his KG level drawing competitions, the day when I kissed him when he showed me the progress report, the day when he won an essay writing competition, the day when he secured an engineering seat in a reputed college and finally.....

Finally the day when he jumped from the top of the apartment unable to bear the pain and the suffering and committed suicide.
The burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life.


PS:I'm well aware and guilty that i deserted my blog for greater ambitions and aspirations for quite a while.Hoping to get back on the track soon.Soon means pretty soon.See you all.

Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~