Passing clouds

..as dear to me as are the ruddy drops..

2012-01-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

June 23, 2011
That's when i last visited and posted something here. 7 months passed by, and wrinkles started appearing on my body making me feel older. I suddenly realized that i have been kicking and alive for the last 24 years without a change in status. Everything but the marital status changed. I became tall. Put on bit by bit and became fat, and then obese, and then normal, and then slim. Became dark, and then normal. Grew hairs, and lost them too. Became irritatingly garrulous and then enigmatically reserved and then curt with candour. I started reading. Stopped reading. Started again.

I kept changing, evolving, a constant metamorphosis. The only thing that never changed was the fact that i was single. Not that i gave a damn, but a nut needs a bolt at some point for the fullness. And that was the moment, to be precise,10.45am, 25th Jan 2011, when i had a band sliding through my ring finger and a butterfly sliding through my food pipe which is flying happily in my stomach now ;). We were complete strangers a month ago, who now felt like we were waiting for each other all this while, who assured each other of lifelong companionship. And that was the moment i believed in destiny, the providence, and that marriages are made in heaven!

PS : If i do visit my blogsville in the next 4 months, readers (if any) can expect something on courtship :D.

PPS: I'm struggling to write which i didn't have to, 2 years back :(. I'm certainly becoming old..

PPPS : I didn't like the way Rushdie was treated in the backdrop of Jaipur Lit Fest. But i don't have the mood to vent my frustration in such matters right now. So, dear religion and controversies, see you some time soon.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Hope of a better day

2011-06-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

What drives me currently is sheer petulance, helplessness and frustration at the state of affairs my country is in. There seems to be no start or end to the saga. And the proportion of sham is bizarrely gigantic. IPL, CWG, 2G, the manipulative Radia tapes, Devas-ISRO deal, Adarsh housing, KG Basin,and what next? Every day we wake up to hear one or the other fiascoes of the government. And the unapologetic arrogant responses from people like Kapil Sibal and the irritatingly naive remarks from respectable people like Dr.Singh.

Who do we approach for succor. The very people who were chosen to protect and nourish us are oozing every drop of life out of us. When tons of food grains were found rotting, i thought it was just Sharad pawar. When Airlines started running in loss, i thought it was just Praful Patel. When IPL scam came, I thought it was just Shashi Tharoor. When Adarsh Scam was out, i thought it was just Ashok Chavan. Or at the most Vilasrao Deshmukh or Sushil Kumar Shinde. And then unfurls the huge list of Kalmadi,Raja,Maran,Kanimozhi,Murli Deora, and people who are yet to be known, or people who aren't known to me.

It's not just the UPA or the central govt. Look at Yeddyurappa. The shameless crook who clings to his throne in the most brazen manner possible. Look at Orissa, where the govt is more than eager to kick or wipe out the helpless tribals to appease POSCO or Vedanta. Look at Maharashtra where thousands of farmers suicide every year, yet all that the government does is manipulate the figures to show that the suicide rates are considerably low.

When Ambani brothers took to street their internal feuds, i thought Mukesh was the guileless one. The better in the beasts. "The Buck stops here tonight" made me an ardent fan of Barkha. The display of magnanimity to his employees during 26/11 made me genuflect at the broadness and integrity of Ratan Tata. But it came as a huge blow that they were nothing but creative creations of manipulative media. The omnipotent, which can make the most hated person out of today's most powerful and admired person with a dexterous turn of the pen, or a skillful tap on the keys.

Arundhati roy's statement that maoists were patriots and kashmiri secessionists were freedom fighters aroused uncontrollable fury in me. I felt like spitting on her face. But now i realise how true she is. At least to a great extent. One loses his faith in the system with such turn of events. If i were in the neglected forests of Orissa or Jharkhand or West Bengal, i would have become a maoist too. If i were cut out from the mainland in some north eastern town, deprived of all that should be rightfully mine,I would have joined NNC-F or ULFA. If i were in Kashmir, clouted and trampled by the govt of India over and over again, i would have turned into a stone pelter too. The only reason why I'm here, in an air conditioned office, tapping on the keys furiously is that i was blessed to be born into a safe and secure family in the relatively safe and secure God's own country. As per Hindu mythology, the quid pro quo of some good conduct in my previous birth.

Now Anna threatens the government of an indefinite fast. I don't compare him with Gandhiji. Neither do i call his, a second freedom struggle. I also agree with the government's argument that yielding to the demands of an individual or an undemocratic organization of individuals like Anna's team would undermine the stature of a democratic institution. But how else did the Blacks get to vote in the US but for Martin Luther King Jr? How else did Women's Suffrage come into existence but for the protests and rallies of millions of women demanding for equal rights? They were all show of power by random and loose collection of individuals, crying and clamoring for their rights at the democratically elected government which was happily comfortable to shut the ears and close the eyes.

I personally do not want Anna to be bigger and nobler than the Government of India. But let Government come up with a more accepted and better version of an anti corruption law than what the civil activists suggest. Arresting or gagging anyone who raises voice against the State is not acceptable. What distinguishes India from China or Myanmar or Pakistan is tolerance. And incidents like Binayak sen and Arundhati roy and Ramlila would only be a blot in the history of the nation. Success is transient and evanescent without healthy criticism. By gagging the intellectuals in the country, the government is setting the foundation to build a nation of insensitive people who have no balls to respond and resist..schmucks who wouldn't give a damn if the country goes to hell or heaven.

I'm still not pessimistic. Even when the 2002 pogrom is unforgettable, Narendra Modi is doing a commendable job in not just developing the state, but also curbing corruption of every form. Even when UPA is falling from one abyss to a deeper one, people like Jairam Ramesh and A.K.Antony still possess the respect and admiration of many. Nithish Kumar is doing more than an appreciable job in wiping out poverty and squalor from Bihar, and making it a state worthy of Indian Pride. As long as we have leaders like them, we can have hope.

I'm still not pessimistic. People are vigilant now. The recent polls, the election turn out being at a record high in some states, reveal that people have still not forgotten that the Government is By the people, and not by a few arrogant hollow headed people who believe that they are from from Mars or Venus and hold no accountability to anyone. I have hope. As Obama says,hope of a better day. Of breeze and sunshine.

Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
-Shawshank Redemption

PS: Baba Ramdev does not deserve a mention here. I personally believe his is just a publicity stunt for some ulterior motive, to be achieved sooner or later.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Another of my Blah Blahs

2011-02-26T22:17:00.000-08:00

Life is moving on without much of a change. Same old routine. The word 'old' is relative. When i said old, i didn't mean it to date back to 1993 when i started going to school, or even 2005 when i started going to college. Or for that matter, not even 2009, when i joined somewhere to get a payslip every month. It just dates back to 2010 Mar 18, when i placed my feet on Bangalore. The garden city. Well, garden city might be what it is known as, but frankly, I've never been to any gardens in Bangalore in the last one year of toiling. Perhaps, if you could count on a visit to Lal Bhagh 11 years back, then yeah, i will endorse the complement.

So, Mar 18 is the day. The day when we celebrate the first anniversary of our live-in. Bangalore and Me. I love that city pretty much. Not for the normal reasons, of partying, of pubs, of shoppers' shops, of restaurants.. I just love it. Unqualified love. Is that a right usage? I'm unsure. Unqualified love transcends tangible reasoning. Or so is what romantic poets have long succeeded in propagating.

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."

- Pablo Neruda

They left open one of the most profitable of all the markets. The anytime reliable theme for movies. Songs. Poems. Stories. Novels. For greeting cards. For Archies. Love is in the air. Like a hydrogen balloon. Sometimes in different flavors too ;)

The higher the balloon rose, the better were the chances of bursting. And by the time the girl is 23 or 24, the Break Up would be in the airs.

Well, I'm about to be 23(of course, the girlish fetish of not admitting that i'm growing old exists in my repertoire too :-D ). But I'm definitely not the protagonist. These are all general observations. Break ups. Deceptions. Heart Breaks. They are all fighting for a little space in the air, to rise higher than 'love balloon' ever was. Girls are all getting married back to back. Guys are all abandoning saloons, to uphold the age-old concept of an unshaven face on heart breaks.

Well, life is so funny. Had Shakespeare been alive, he could have written a Romeo and Juliet part II, by altering the climax of Part I slightly, with both the protagonists marrying someone of their family's choice, there by writing off the frail chance of uniting the feuding families. And in part II, they both take up the familial feud themselves.

Anyway, it was just a random post. Just to keep myself going.
"Every writer has to find a way of going on, of not drying up, of overcoming limitations. "
-A writer's people, Naipaul.

Jobless people may try Maher Zain. Amazing Arab music.

PS: Honorable readers of my shitty post are reprimanded from asking me the intention of this post. Instead, people are requested to look at my magnanimity, which forced me to write a bad post so that we are in a better position to appreciate the better works of others ;). If not for the night, how will we appreciate the day?

PPS : Can someone come up with a replacement for 'Blah Blah' ?
Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~

Filler!

2011-01-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

I was desperately thinking of what to post. A week after 'The Comeback' post, i was still stuck in the red ribbons of a real come back, for, i found the grey cells sucked dry to deliver anything readable at all. I typed a long political post, wherein i was bitching about the shitty condition we were in. With Andimuthu Raja and Ashok Chavan and Yeddyurappa and Kalmadi and the many other s.o.bs taking us on a ride.With so much fodder to chew,it shouldnt have been difficult to spit at least a paragraph. But i found it disgusting. Later I started a long diatribe on how i ended up being anti-congress with its agenda of dynastic succession from Nehru to Indira to Rajiv to Sonia to Rahul. Of how once again,the agenda seemed flawed with the king-in-making hand-picking the most efficient of all of his ministers,Ashok Chavan,Shashi Tharoor and Omar Abdullah.That post appeared trash too. Exhausted with all my failed attempts, i was like a couple who had to drop off without reaching orgasm. I was desperate to spot a write-able topic.I even thought of putting up a lot of thoughts.The passing clouds.

And then,one day, my dear dad wakes me up to say-"Your language is bad. You play with words. You concentrate on conveying message. But not on the structure of the sentences. Not on the basic grammar. Hence you end up having literature and not language. Work on it." .
And I wonder-Do i have to write anything more at all ;)!!
The best critic and critique ever!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

And Here I Come!!

2011-01-17T11:13:00.000-08:00

01/17/2011, 23:30

I was thinking.. My blogosphere has been empty for a long time. I open my page one day to see that i've shitted 87 times till date. And wonder what has become of my digestive system. I decide to try shitting again. To dump all that was rotting inside my tummy.. As a first step,i opened the loo. And kept staring at the closet for some time. The poor one which had complacently received all my droppings without a word back and still pampered me with silence whenever i wanted to shit more. Sometimes even twice or thrice a day. It did stink. Still it made me clean by holding whatever i had to shed.
My happiness.
My sorrow.
The frustration.
The bitching.
The flaunt of GK.
The empathy.
And of course, the cliche and trivia.

Had it not been for the untimely sleep on June 9,2008, I wouldn't have discovered a solace for all the digestive issues. Yet I ignored it for a long time. I blamed it on my work. I blamed it on my inaccessibility to net. I blamed it on my mundane life. I blamed it on anything but me. As much as i blame the mirror for it's crack at my reflection, i blamed my circumstances for the negligence i showed to my shit pit. I realize that i was rotting myself as much as it cried for one more bit of crap from me. And i try shitting desperately, only to realize that i've forgotten the art of excretion. The harder i try, the more constipated i felt. And finally it all comes out as a dysentry.. Shoooooo!! :P Hence lies this post. As dirty as it could be. To symbolically announce a comeback!! :)

01/18/2011, 00:36.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

The Reality

2010-11-13T15:20:00.000-08:00

It was around 19.15. And the bus was screeching to halt near the Mysore bank. My train was at 21.40,that was if IST meant Indian Standard Time and not Indian Stretchable Time.

Gone were the days when I could cover 50km in an hour. Gone were the days of 5th gear and 60kmph. And a safe margin of 2hrs had to be ensured if you were to be prompt somewhere. Vehicles in Bangalore were meant to be driven in 1st or 2nd gear,rest of them were all state of the art fantasies never to be used in real life. There would be a traffic signal in every furlong and if you are lucky enough,the signal turns red just as you approach the junction. You anticipate all that, and you start the journey well in advance only to find all the lucky stars shining in favor of you to turn everything green. Go Green,be that's to save earth or to see heaven! Hence you reach your destination well in advance only to find that you have the time to attend a 10km Marathon and still make it to your train.

This was one such day.And i looked at myself and told,"How lucky you are,now that you can sit and count the stars for the 2.5hrs".

If not for the Rava Dosa at Adigas,which I so ardently crave for the entire week,I may not get down at Mysore Bank and walk upto 2km to the railway station. But yes, the Dosa is worth the hassle.

The way upto the railway station is interesting. I should not perhaps call it interesting if i should be anything but a sadist,but you get the whiff of the real world.The real real world. The prostitutes,who line up near the posts en-route Majestic, under the bridge, in the subway, in the bus stand,wherever you turn to,in the kind of attire that imposes the fancy line,'one cleavage two tits', with their care-taker pimps taking care of which XY talks to them. The street vendors who sell anything ranging from cheap watches to local perfumes. The handicapped beggars who were forcibly handicapped to be marketed for sympathy. The porters who carry more than what they can only to trip every now and then. Kids who wipe the dirt off the hotel rooms at an age when they have to be dirtying their uniforms in the school.The local food stalls which remind you that 'it's the money that inculcates the sense of hygiene'.The people who sleep anywhere on the streets, the platforms,with the stray dogs.The Hijaras who come begging and robbing.

It all reminds me of the blessings i'm bestowed upon.The warm embrace of the family. The luxurious affection of friends. The cron job that refills my account every month end. The hot running water. The 3 meals a day. The books. What not. What more can i ask Him after seeing all these people,who go to any extent to make their ends meet? I may not be loving my job, but i love the fact that i have a job which keeps me away from begging or robbing or stripping to make a living.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Weirdo!!

2010-09-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

Play me Tribes of Babel as Baiju does..

Write me erotica with politics and history and sarcasm as Tejpal does..

Sing me Uyire as Hariharan does..

Narrate the winter as, "It came down in little white fluffs; you felt that a gigantic hand had punched a gigantic cotton wool sack open, letting down flurries of cotton shreds.
The streets were not covered,but the tops of the naked branches were white with it- a white that showed more beautiful because the limbs of the trees were in comparison stark black."- Naipaul..

Speak eloquently as Anand Mahindra does..

Talk endlessly about anything,
about anything under the sun including the sun,
about VVV-Veda Vatsyayana Voltaire,
about Freud and Pamuk,
about Balamurali and Niladri Kumar,
about Sainath and Kiran Bedi,
about the Brits and the Mughals..

Do any of these..and gimme the orgasmic pleasure..the goosebumps..

Others - are just ordinary!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

How long will we remain silent?

2010-09-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

How long can we feign ignorance and show our backs to them? Don't they have equal rights to at least food as we do??

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Jai Hind Choking with frustration and petulance!!

2010-08-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

Down the lane of history,at a midnight,63yrs back,not an Indian might have slept a wink.The moment his long-awaited,long-struggled-for dream comes true would not have allowed him to drown in the oblivion of slumber. To have a leader among his peers who he fought the Victorians shoulders at par with ,take Oath of Allegiance to a state which just took birth,would beyond doubt have given him goosebumps. The hope of a better tomorrow without having to be the foot-board of the White would have given him solace. The prospect of becoming an inevitable part of the system of governance in his country would have given him pride. More than all,the accomplishment of his swaraj andolan would have made him feel triumphant.

We witnessed 63 Independence days. Every year we witnessed a new resolution,a new promise,a better tomorrow.
We travelled a long way. Like a bird without its wings flanking both the sides were we,without the erstwhile East and West Pakistan. The communal riots that followed partitioning independence was not just traumatic,but left us amazingly resilient. We became a republic. Developed ourselves into the largest democracy in the world where we are governed by ourselves! We secured a strong framework of secularism which allowed a Muslim President and Hindu Prime Minister and Christian Defense Minister shoulder the responsibilities without communal feelings. We guilelessly practiced non-intervention,yet duly showing the empathy to the needy,thus helping the East Pak transform into Bangladesh and the Lankans get rid of their villain although loosing a PM as a scapegoat!

Now we are surging ahead in our way to be a Global Power,which no international cop can ignore,rightly as Nostradamus predicted. Yet,have we accomplished what we ought to have when compared to the other colonies of the 50s and 60s like China and Singapore. Are we any close to what Japan is,taking into account the crushing dilapidation that it endured.

We still have dirty roads,filthy streets,poverty and squalor,corruption and nepotism. Inefficient roads and under-productive electric grids. We have over a 110crore population,which would have made us claim ourselves to be the greatest exporter of human resource,yet making a Yankee call us a chop shop. We have Nobel laureates who brought us back nothing. We have great IITians and IIMians who left nothing but husk in pursuit of money and power abroad. We still uphold secularism,only to include a new clause of caste in the coming census. We still uphold equality only to widen the range of reservations in the educational instis. Have we accomplished what we aimed at??

In the backdrop of 63rd Independence Day and the hangover that Mr.Kelley's feedback on his visit to India left on me,i would like to post a conversation with a friend. Consider it an interview of an aspirant civil servant Y by a wannabe journalist X.Consider it the frustration and anxiety of the newer generation who would soon be given the wheel of administration. Consider it any shit,but give it a thought. Isn't the glass more than half empty??

X:
To begin with,i would like to quote the travelogue of a westerner who has travelled across the globe and happened to sweep across India twice. In that he criticizes mercilessly,though ostensibly with a pinch of bonhomie,dirt and filth that India bears. The inefficient rail-road services,the rickety buses,the pollution,the useless electric grids which consumes more electricity than it produces,.and more than all,the don't care attitude of the Indians.

He also gives innuendos on the natural and intellectual endowments that India has,yet rendered useless.The many Nobel laureates who brought back nothing.

As an aspirant civil servant,tell me,what are your ideas to tackle these issues. I know nothing can be solved overnight. But in your reign you at least ought to take one small step!

Y:
The criticism is acknowledged. An all India solution doesn't exist. It doesn't because of the proverbial diversity. I can take one or two examples. If i were to be handed the superintendence of a district in Bihar, i will make it a point to study the ground realities. In this hypothetical case, i am most likely to encounter a lawless, illiterate, reactionary, sensitive and under developed area.

1. Get in touch with the religious leaders, the local political personalities, the powerful landlords and other powerful people. A personal rapport can do lot more than a formal contact. Get to know the local dynamics. Who can be trusted and who cannot be. What are their concerns and commitments. What are they capable of doing. Who can be played against whom.

2. Use of media to force the hands of bureaucrats and people alike. Like making media report a khap panchayat's brutality which will force political forces to compel district magistrate to take strong action. Meanwhile the collector remains a helpless executor of the will of political class.

3. Develop a small army of loyal bureaucrats.

4. Close coordination with police. Now, all these form the prerequisite build up of forces that are necessary. The steps are to follow.

Steps.
1. Literacy. Here, massive investments from state and union governments cannot be expected. Nothing will change that way. Tweak local support and sentiments. Manage support from the local landlord by naming a new adult coaching centre in memory of his late mother or father. Make the religious and political busy bodies commit themselves for campaigning and for putting their personal weight behind the project. The collector should be able to quote Mark and Mathew while joining the Christians for Sunday mass and on being asked to say a few words by the vicar of the parish. He should be able to help some from his district to be on the government list of people who are sponsored for annual pilgrimage to mecca. He can derive huge local support from all these and perhaps make use of it, in making poor parents send their wards. He can talk to children in the local school and make them aware of a world beyond the narrow confines of a village. Let him tell them about the super 30, the coaching to become a chartered accountant , a lawyer , a journalist. Let the children come forward for college education. He can write letters of recommendation, can help them choose colleges after exams, help them get passports quickly for studies abroad. It takes just one generation of successful students to change situation. This is about studies.

2. Law and order. Have the communal forces under control. Introduce novel schemes like community policing. Make people aware of mechanism for quick disposal of cases.ADMINISTRATION- Establish computerization of district courts and usage of novel communication methods. . Call centre for registering complaints and sms to know status of an application. Tie up with postal department for issual of government certificates and approvals quickly to the needy. Popularization of right to information act. Usage of civil service clout to get government schemes in his district. For example, a request to include his district among those where unique identity project will be experimented. A speedy disposal of requests for loan waiver guaranteed by union government.

To improve infrastructure nobody has to unleash anything revolutionary. Ensure that quality is maintained while building roads under prime minister's rural roads programme. Perhaps a little bit of activism will help. It will be beneficial if the collector can successfully vouch for world bank funds coming in state's way. But, the horrible infrastructure is not the result of inactivity but that of gross impropriety and corruption. Then an active collector can do a lot of things. Banks are ordered to open rural branches and provide loans for agriculture and education. Telecom operators are ordered to maintain sufficient cell phone towers and maintenance facilities. Both never do that. They have redundant branches in Delhi and useless collection of towers in new mumbai. All that has to be done is enforce the regulation. Make them do what they are obliged to.

If civil servants can remain uncorrupted, all these and more are nothing but routine jobs.the men and women who have managed to traverse the corridors of LBSNAA are capable of pulling off any feat. It is a sad reality that 50 batches of amazing talent have gone waste.

X:
I understand and acknowledge. But taking into account the beastly population which still ardently practice honor killing and female infanticide,I'm afraid if the implementation of the suggestions is light years ahead!

Y:
A huge leap forward might be impractical.but a lot of that is down to earth and practical. Look at kerala. It is possible to convert one district in north India into something that has features of one in kerala. Kerala is not Singapore. Need not be. Do what Bhaskaran Nair, Jacob Thomas, Padmakumar, Babupaul did in kerala. They didn't make it like helsinki. But, they implemented national education programme, got some districts cent percent literate, reduced chances of communal disharmony. Helped achieve targets of medical coverage, universalised vaccination programmes. Et al. What we see as the human resource rich kerala is the baby of giants of men like them. Would you dare deny the stupendous success that is kerala? Kerala is eons away from being singapore. But, kerala is possible. And if kerala can be replicated in 200 districts in the north, we will enter a whole new era.

If the mental asylum that was kerala can boast of progressiveness in human welfare, distance of the order of astronomical units can be scaled.

X:
"Use of media to force the hands of bureaucrats and people alike. Like making media report a khap panchayat's brutality which will force political forces to compel district magistrate to take strong action. Meanwhile the collector remains a helpless executor of the will of political class."

This was your point. How far is media capable of ensuring law and order,say in today's case,curbing the honor killing?

Y:
We have laws that addresses such needs of criminal justice system. Implementation is found lacking. A police superintendent or district collector has his hands tied because political masters want to cater to demands of such systems and people for tactical gains. However, this tacit support has to remain outside the purview of cosmopolitan middle class, judiciary and concerned authorities at central level. They cannot support these measurers legally. They thrive on lack of awareness and lack of spread of information. If such news hit national media, they can't go against national human rights commission, the supreme court or a directive from union home ministry. They will the district authorities to take action and action they take against the accused can't be subverted because of the vigilance of media. They won't be able to sack the district authorities. They can't stop supreme court from de recognizing those who bend the laws for narrow gains. It will act as a watch dog. For in a parliamentary democracy with an independent judiciary, public opinion is essential for survival of political class.

** The conversation continues,veers,and gets totally attenuated. But the fire is still alive,ready to be flared up. What shall we do about it? Can we hope of a better India while we are alive or is that left for our great-grand children to witness??

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

A continuation..

2010-08-01T01:49:00.000-07:00

Reflections on India by Sean Paul Kelley.. It was pretty much of an interesting read in ZB's.. A westerner ranting and raving on how bad India is.. How vile Indians are.. Well,i could do nothing but agree with 95% of what he told.. Of roads,of electric grids,of dirt,of filth,of bureaucracy,of corruption.. The rest 5% accounts to the exaggeration.. The long queue in the railway station which made him wait for 30min was nothing but an overstatement.. Pro'ly he found no one to teach him how to book tickets online.. Well,poor soul,.had one heck of a hardship coming to India..

It reminded me of Slumdog Millionare which sweeped the academy awards.. We then berated on how manipulative and critical westerners are.. We still do that.. But jokes apart,is there anything we can do about it? Is there anything we can contribute by staying back to work in India and not oozing out its resources leaving the husk to pursue financial heights?

We rave of brain drain. But why do we have that? It's true that India still cannot afford the invaluable Indian brains.. But apart from that,there's definitely one thing India can provide,.recognition.. When we still have appointments based on caste and creed in this 21st century,and deny the most eligible candidates based on anachronisms,how can we justify ourselves in blaming the non-resident Indians,in being non-resident??

Frankly speaking, I'm frustrated,.and at the same time confused.. Which is the way ahead? Is there any way we can contribute to a better India? Is there any way we can shape an India which is beyond the dirty reproach of the westerners?

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

The T!

2010-07-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'd always wanted to be born a boy.. At least,being born a girl in India,that too Kerala,that too in a pretty much orthodox family,i'd more than once wished if only i were born a boy! (I used 'born a boy' only as a gag to those pricks who would come up with suggestions on Gender Reassignment Surgery!)..

Every time i found a boy having a nightout with friends,or a trip to Goa/Pondi or a bike tour, i whined on why the hell was i born a girl,.why couldn't my parents be one of those supporting a female infanticide(of course,that was a bit exaggerated!)..Another of those endless things i missed was a booze party,.of course not to booze myself,but to see how this liquid helped people overcome all the inhibitions,to see how people transform into someone totally strange,to some kind of a blissful existence at least for a lull!,.I'd even asked my dad once to find me a groom who would drink,and believe me when i say that he gave me one such sarcasm filled guffaw which i would never forget in a lifetime!! :D

But now,I'm highly grateful to God that i was born a girl in it's fullest sense and not as someone who can be termed neither or either!!Everytime i walk around a busy street in Blore,i get to meet the heavily built,yet deceivingly beautiful,people,who,even though they wish to be called so,are not women..People,who have not a definite gender,or a clear identity or existence.. People who are looked upon with utter aversion by every goddamn person.. People who wouldn't be hired,neither can they be self employed,thus being rendered helpless and left to choose among begging/looting for their existence.. People who wouldn't be admitted in any school or college,thus contributing themselves to the illiterate shits of India who hamper the growth of India into a super-power..

I'm highly grateful to God that i was born with a proper XX,due to which my parents are not a tad ashamed to bring me up and not abandon me in my infancy!I'm grateful to God that i have a home,and a loving family,and a proper education which didn't eventually leave me jobless,and not fend for myself when i didn't know the chromosomal difference between a male and a female!

Without an identity,they have no say in running the democratic process.. Without a vote,none of the political mavericks are interested in their issues,not that they are interested in ours..

Till date i'm not sure if LGB is a reality or fantasy like in dostana as i've never once come across one of the kind.. But not in the case of 'T'.. If i were to say,transgenders definitely need a better consideration than making them part of the LGBT resolution... Their problem is not one of dignity for their 'needs',but of existence,identity and survival..And an amendment in an article wouldn't help them be a part of our nation,.the attitude of the society of which you and i are a part,should change.. And it's high time we stop reservations based on cast,creed or religion,but devote in giving a helping hand to those who are in real need of it!

A nation remains handicapped so long as it ignores a,howsoever diminutive,part of it's citizens.. And so long as it ignores their needs,it's growth will only be a fallacy..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

A Chronicle of Fantasies..

2010-07-18T01:54:00.000-07:00

Fantasy stories have never been my choice.. Not when i was a kid,not when i grew up.. It was never tom n jerry or scoobee doo which entertained me when i was a kid,but the *dishyum dishyum* movies which i watched with my grandpa.. It was not the handsome-prince-crosses-seven-seas-for-the-princess stories that mom narrated,but mahabharata and ramayana.. Hence i was honed,to turn my back to fantasies..

When i was in school,there was a girl who told me of a lady who was turning tides throughout the globe,.and that was J.K.Rowling..She wrote one book,then the other,then another,..it went on until she became one of the biggest aristocrats in the world..What i could never understand was how/why people enjoyed such fantasies which didn't quite appeal to their sanity.. The 2hrs i spent in Hyd IMAX watching HP5,the one n only HP which i had to watch,was a torture to me,for,i rotated my head 360 degrees only to find everyone gaping with awe at the movie,the script,and the 3D!!

J.R.R.Tolkien was in no way inferior to Rowling,for he made every single guy speak in laudative tone about his Lord of the Rings.. If HP suffered from the wrath of muffling of the sumptousness when compared to the book,LOTR was bloody brilliant.. The 12hours that guys stayed hooked to the pc just to watch all the 3 movies at a stretch was inconcievable.

Next in the list was Stephnie Mayer,who presented every girl with the dreams of a vampire-sweetheart who could rescue them at the need of the hour.. I hoped she would stop with Twilight,but again,she was in no way different..

I'm unsure if i had missed any other mavericks who aced the field of imagination..But what stayed and still stays beyond my realm of understanding is,how people manage to enjoy the books/movies which they were sure to be challenging their lucidity.. Not that movies like transformers were believable.. But somehow,it was kind of watchable stuffs unlike the handsome-vampire-falls-in-love kinda storyline..

There would still be authors like Rowling who would keep questioning the acumen of a layman.. And there would still be people like me resisting them.. But an author becomes a prodigy,when he challenges the established norms of human imagination and transcends into weird realms.. Hats off to all those guys for their imaginative and narrative abilities!!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

The Black Book

2010-07-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

It has been about 2 months since i started reading this book.. Presented by a friend on my birthday,the reading crawls at snail's pace.. Coincidentally though,reading as well as blogging have almost come to a standstill ever since i turned 22.. Not that I'd ever been a good writer..but at least i was good at jotting down random thoughts..which is what i struggle at,now..

Anyhow,back to Black..

After My Name is Red,I'd this huge reverence to Orhan Pamuk,which was why my dear friend took all the pains of hunting down this book which was then not to be found anywhere in Bangalore.If My Name Is Red was one of those books which i enjoyed reading,which i hated putting down, The Black Book thoroughly decieved me all time.. Although the book was famous/infamous for its complexity,I'd a subdued impression of the extent of intricacy any book could hold..But it was far beyond my expectations..

The story is all about the ongoing search of Galip for his wife Ruya,who on a fine day,has disappeared,for her ex-husband or for Celal,a popular newspaper journalist who also happens to be her step-brother..Although Ruya leaves an obscure parting note,which lets out no reason on her adieu,Galip sets on an investigation primarily out of his uncontrollable and scarcely returned love,and partly due to his unabated doubt on the fidelity of his wife,rather any house-wife,.which glints in some areas like,

"In my view,an intelligent husband makes a point of forgetting every man who sends his regards to his wife. Because-well,just in case. Especially if the woman in question is a housewife. If you rule out relatives and shopkeepers,that luckless creature we call the housewife is unlikely afterall to meet any man other than her own tedious husband. So if a gentleman does take the trouble to send her his regards,it will make her think,and she has plenty of time for that too.."

As his investigation progresses,he finds that Celal has disappeared too.. And he dares to be the imposture of Celal,occupying his home,wearing his clothes,answering his phone calls,even writing his columns,only to transform almost completely into an ever envied identity..

There were occasions when the literary ace of Pamuk left me awestruck as in,

"When catastrophe strikes,there can be no happier way of facing death. So let me cry out in anguish to a distant love:My darling,my beauty,my long suffering sweet,the disaster is fast approaching;so come to me,come to me now;wherever you happen to be at this moment- a smoke filled office,a messy blue bedroom,an onion scented kitchen in a house steaming with laundry-Know that the time has come,so come to me;let us draw the curtains against the disaster pressing upon us;as darkness encroaches,let us lock ourselves in a last embrace and silently await the hour of our death."

I'm just half way through.. Although it's not an easy read,it gives a pleasure beyond words to decipher the intricacies hidden in the beautifully weaved words of Pamuk. Salutes to the literary genius!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

8035 Days!!!

2010-04-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Infidelity

2010-04-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

'He couldn't help turning back once again..surreptitiously though..

She was hot..different from what he ever imagined in his umpteen dreams where he crawled and lay entangled with some female..
The voluptuous body,and the pink sumptuous lips and the seductive eyes that glanced at him with a coy filled cue and the long artistic fingers with the beautifully crafted nails and the long slender neck and the short hair that heaved over her shoulders which fell more on the browner side unusually for a south-indian:he couldn't help himself from being aroused..

He had this unsuppressible urge to hold her,..kiss her..unbutton her shirt and lay naked with her..Everytime he looked at her,he went 20yrs down the memory lane when Mr.Athlete weds Ms.Damsel was all that he felt people talked about..Wherever he turned to,all he heard was a 'made for each other' remark..Unlike every other love marriages which sabotaged in a few years due to problems unidentifiable,theirs was the perfect combination of elements resulting in two other impeccable creed of compounds..

Deepak's was a happy family..as happy as it could be..with a wife,educated and austere,demanding reverence from who ever got to know of her..with the two sweet boys who always topped in school not just in acads but in extra curriculars,thanks to his wife's meticulous efforts..with a job giving him all kinds of satisfaction ranging from monetary benefits to the leisure factor,that he ever looked forward to during his days of pursuing a job..

Problems started when she started being repulsive at bed..Initially all he did was blame the work pressure..He pulled on,patiently,with hopes of a new sunrise..But all the more patient he was,more offensive she became..He even started doubting his manhood..doubting her fidelity..Until he got to know of the physical changes that she was undergoing..Menopause..the inevitable phenomenon in every woman's life..

Deprivation of a meal coupled with an offer of cake plunged him into the abyss of infidelity with his newly joined private secretary..He forced himself into oblivion,.of his wife..his children..his duties towards his family..all that appeared before him was his bodily pleasures which he no more could hold on..'

Bangalore shows me new ways of life that im unaccustomed to..of infidelity..of flings..one night stands..of fragile human relationships..Aren't we losing the values and traditions that we long upheld??Reminds me of Life in Metro,in dino..
I had a colleague narrate to me an incident which happened here..a group of friends,gals and guys,who were close enough to be found always together,..be at work place or parties or hang outs or treks..among them,a guy who escapes from bachelorhood invites others for a party at his home,which was a 1bhk..A booze party which left not even a single person even remotely close to sober..The couple sleep in their bedroom and everyone else in their gang in the hall..

Partying remains the mantra of their life for the next 3 months..together they were,as always..friends forever they called themselves..Until,one girl,a spinster,in the group had a morning sickness and ended up in a doctor's bed only to be diagonosed as pregnant..None of the guys know who is responsible,and neither does the girl..Alcohol just stirred every goddamn emotions out of every one there and now all of the so called forever friends are awaiting for the child to be delievered for a DNA test to finalize which guy will have his wedding bells ringing with the girl..

Nayi Bharat Ki Nayi Kahani!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Thoughts..

2010-04-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up the third time from the sleep which was already broken..I was not initially sleepy despite the clock ticking 1am..Lost in the thoughts,which veered from rejuvenating to tiring ones,eyes felt heavy and at some point in time,unknown yet,i slept..

I had weird dreams..

I was lost in a desert..With no one to talk..no one to help me out either.. I was on my my own,totally..Wherever i turned to there was nothing but the hot grit and gravel..I shouted..I ran..endlessly..until i could pull on no more..

I panted..searching for the bottle of water i thought i had kept by my bed..But no,it wasn't there..I strolled across all the rooms in the flat aimlessly and returned back to bed..

Slumber showered its blessings upon me again..

And this time what i had to endure was a train of advices..Ever since i landed in bangalore,i'd been constantly under the fears of,1)wrong place to live, 2)to board an auto 3)expenditure exceeding the income.. All the more stinchy i tried to be,i ended up spending more profligately..All my belongings,which lay astray in my room reminded me of my expenses in the past..Not that i belonged to the league of that 'spoilt kid' which bible stated..but bangalore makes me spend..either out of necessities or out of uncontrollable whims..

This time i didn't jump out of the bed..Bearable stuffs you see..All i did was stay awake,for the fear of drowning in another dream..

Somewhere along,i slept again..

And yet,i was awake..awake in the thoughts..

Was that a tremor that i felt??I tried to concentrate..No,it was not..It was my mobile sincerely informing me of the endless stream of messages..I could hang on not any more..

I closed my eyes tight..and got out of the bed..walked like a kid with the help of the walls and switch boards which showed me the way..and finally i reached where i had to..

I switched on the light.. rubbed my eyes..and let myself dissolve in His glory..The innocent smile..The radiance..The fruits and coins and gold exhibited..(flowers were not available)!..And

Yes,it was vishu..The first vishu away from home..Without those 'kaineetams' and familial visits..Simple yet humble..we celebrated it as best as we could..

Happy Vishu.

PS:I'm constantly under this doubt of who to follow..my instincts and what my mind says is right,or what others,the formless,speechless society set forth..I prefer the former..and till date,had abided by what my mind asked me to..but the pressure that the people who i love,who love me equally,put upon me,keeping the social status at stake disgusts me,depresses me..
PPS:I especially want the moron Durga to reply!!!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Writer's Block!

2010-04-02T05:07:00.000-07:00

Apr 5th..
I complete a semester of successful career in software industry..
An advice that every tom dick and harry gave generously was never to stick to this field..
Do an MBA,someone says..
When are you getting married,someone else asks..
Start teaching in a college,another someone suggests..
Write PO tests for the banks,none other than my banker dad instructs..
Right since oct 5th did i start wondering what was so very wrong with this job that every single person i meet suggests me otherwise..Did it not pay handsomely..Did it not give job satisfaction..Reverential status..
All along the roller coaster training that lasted 6 months,which witnessed my terrible ups and downs like never before,i scratched my head trying to find reasons to prove that this was not a place worth showing just the backs to..

But by the time i finished the training to start the real work,divine intervention got into the play to make me understand that,software industry was like a shit-pit..no one likes it..but no one can do without it..
Not much of a clairvoyance is required to identify a software guy in the crowd,for mostly in cities like Bangalore,therez a probability that 70% of the people u bump into will be a s/w pro among which,a mallu is 90% probable to bump into another mallu ..a guy walking with a headset constantly in action and doesn't mind ignoring the balance from a street vendor would mostly zero to a s/w pro..

The salary account,that gets refilled by the end of every month,blinds you from getting out of the pit..and you toil,day in and day out,as if you would be awarded a khel ratna at the end of it,thus sacrificing whatever whims and fancies used to adorn your life and fill it with substance.. You keep murmuring to yourself the words of consolence and solace to pull on,saying it's how the flow of life is..But not until you are really crushed out of juice do you realize that it is the coffee that matters and not the make of the mug..

PS:Month end definitely does make me happy.. and I'm till date not that very frustrated about where i'm coz the kind of friends that i made during the training and the fun i had with them were not the least comparable with the 22 years of experience i had on the globe..Kudos to all of them..

PPS:I wanted to restart blogging..Thought for a while..Thought for a longer while..About what to write..or at least what to crib..But that was when i understood that i had to revisit the kinder garten to restart writing the craps again..Reminded me of Nikolai Gogol,the Russian writer,who starved himself to death on finding that he was into a perpetual writer's block from which he had no escape(Though he would suicide a second time on finding that i dared comparing him with me!!! :D)..And hence the crap!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

The Burden of Love..

2010-03-11T00:12:00.000-08:00

Preface:

THIS IS NOT MY WORK.I got it forwarded from someone..i just loved it quite a lot for the intensity of emotions in it.. And i felt like applauding the anonymous author by publishing it here..So please,no accusations of plagiarism!!

The burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life.

Ragging is fun. We always escaped from our seniors when we were in the first year of our graduation. Dancing infront of female seniors, hugging the trees and calculating the lengths of the buses with match sticks, yep, it was indeed great fun to get ragged. Personally I have gained many good friends too.

Now that I am in the second year, I started to rag. Screwing guys and flirting girls is the meaning of ragging in my dictionary until one fine day I saw her.

“Hey Shania... come here” I called one of the happening girl’s around. “I am getting bored... why don’t you accompany me to the canteen?” I asked her. The expressions on her face were changing. “I know that you have to catch a bus to your home town” I said. She looked at me pretending innocence and asked, “How did you know?”

“I have been to my home town many times before when I was also a junior, even though Hyderabad is my home town.” I told her. Knowing that she’s caught, she stopped giving me lame excuses.

Some prior knowledge about Shania and some lucky flukes, I pretended reading her face and ultimately I ended up holding her hands. Even as I rubbed her hand on the pretext of reading her palm, she listened to me with great interest.

I am a scorpion and henceforth the animal magnetism that draws the opposite sex towards me. I know how to handle girls. I had a very good name in my college, both academically as well as in extracurricular activities. And she knew all this. How did she? I made sure that she knew bits and pieces about me before I made the first impression. And now, Voila, I hit the bull’s eye.

One hour later, we were good friends. Shania fell for me. And I took the control.

“I will drop you at your home, Shania” I told her. She was initially reluctant before I successfully coaxed her. A hand slowly fell on my shoulder and I slightly lost control of my bike. My bike jerked a lil’ and Shania dashed to my back.

‘Grow up dear..’ I saw a guy standing infront of me and preaching. ‘Yes, sir’ I bade good bye to my conscience and I dropped her at her home.

Days passed by and then weeks. I was getting closer and closer to her. Is she gonna be the girl in my life? Should I propose her? Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind.

One fine day, she called up. “Sanju, I know I am losing myself to you. I know that you are reciprocating the same feelings to. I know you as a good friend. I know you as a great lover. Perhaps after my dad and mom, you are the one who’s most important in my life. I guess I can’t live without you. I.....” there was a pause for a minute.

All the while she was speaking, I was holding my breath to hear those three words. ‘Come on say it Shania’ I thought in my mind.
“I don’t know where this is gonna end. My parents are way too orthodox to agree for our marriage. Why don’t we end this here?” she continued.

“But I still love you....” she said and there was a pause for a while. Tears trickled down my cheeks. Had she told me the last phrase alone, I would have been the happiest soul in this world.

What’s the point in saying an I love you which is not gonna sustain. Whats the point in being in a relationship which is not gonna last?

And I decided to breakup with her even before I could actually reciprocate her proposal.

One year passed, and whenever our ways crossed, she gave those blank glances at me. And I just bent my head and avoided her.
One day, it was late night when I was returning home when I saw a girl show her thumb hitching a ride. ‘Shania?’ and I stopped my bike. She stepped onto my bike and asked me to drive to this certain place where there was no one.

I pulled the stand and my bike rested on it. She held me by my shirt and shouted out loud, “why are you avoiding me? Why are you looking at me as if I were an enemy? Please, I do love you, but I am frightened of my parents. I just can’t live without you” and she started crying as she held my shirt and hugged me.

A woman’s heart is too deep to be understood. But that time I felt that I saw her true feelings towards me. I knew she loved me from the depths of her heart. I saw how much she cared me.

“Don’t worry baby, I will take care of it. I will see that we get married,” I said even as I kissed her on her forehead.

They say that a guy who often prays when in a relationship is damn serious about the relationship. I prayed too often. More than often, I prayed, each and every minute. I prayed to god that she and I should get married, that too with the blessings of our parents. Little did I know that I was asking for something which would never be granted.

Two years, we were in love. I watched movies with her, I have dined with her and I have walked down the roads hand in hand with her. But more than the fact that I enjoyed her company, I was always frightened that this wouldn’t last long. I never knew when we would be separated. I never knew when this relationship would come to an end.

The only thing that I could do was pray. And I never neglected my career too. After all, if our parents agree, we should be self sufficient at least.

For a few weeks, I couldn’t contact her. One day she called me up on my mobile. She said, “I am sorry Sanju. I revealed our story to my parents. My mom was about to consume poison, when my dad and me stopped her. I love my mom so much. I don’t want to lose her. I love you too. But I am frightened that my mom may kill herself. I don’t want to build a memorial of love on the grave of my parents. Please do forget me Sanju. I am sorry” she said and cut the call.

I always anticipated such an answer. It was shocking indeed for me. All these days, I have imagined her to be my wife. I have been to places of worship along with her. I ....

And now she called me saying that she’s succumbing to her parent’s pressures?

Parents are very selective about the marriage of their kids. A sense of social status is more important to them rather than the life of their kid. At least what right do they have over some one else’s child. Isn’t my life spoiled? I am not the kinda guy who just lets things go off his head and go on with life.

She always said, “I love my parents and you” and I said “I love you more than my parents”. What could she have done if I were also to threaten her or blackmail her by saying that I would consume poison and commit suicide? She would have still stayed with her parents. It was my mistake to fall in love.

And from the very next moment I started to drink and smoke. Few habits which I detested throughout my life. A few weeks later, I came to know that she married another guy. And the burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life....

I closed the diary. I understood the pain which my son must have undergone when he lost the lady whom he loved. I felt a stinging pain in my heart. I have never been I love. I loved only four people. My parents and my wife and the last but not the least, my son. But after reading his diary I was in his shoes for a while. I could understand his feelings.

If he had told me about his love, I would have talked to the parents of the girl and persuaded them to get these young hearts married. But I came to know later from one of my son’s friends that he had done all that, he could. He spoke to the girl’s parents. He fell at their feet. He begged them. But of no avail.

Her parents might have had the right to spoil her life. But what right did they have to spoil that of my son? Citing some caste and social problems, they rejected his love.

“Sanju, my darling....” I closed my eyes and opened them wiping the tears from my eyes.

And I saw the past unfold infront of my eyes. The day when the nurse told me that I had a baby boy, the day when he kicked on my chest with those cute little feet of his, the day when he learnt to walk on his own, the day when I admitted him to school when he held my shirt pleading me not to leave him, the day he brought home the prize he won in his KG level drawing competitions, the day when I kissed him when he showed me the progress report, the day when he won an essay writing competition, the day when he secured an engineering seat in a reputed college and finally.....

Finally the day when he jumped from the top of the apartment unable to bear the pain and the suffering and committed suicide.
The burden of losing someone whom you love is too much to be carried with your heart for the rest of your life.

PS:I'm well aware and guilty that i deserted my blog for greater ambitions and aspirations for quite a while.Hoping to get back on the track soon.Soon means pretty soon.See you all.

Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~

Busy..

2009-12-20T03:51:00.000-08:00

PI:It's been really long since i even visited blogspot.Been very very busy with training,and the meager time i get to visit my family can't be wasted being online.I really miss blogging just as i miss the blogger friends,and their interesting life.Take care.

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Alive

2009-10-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

I'd been away for a while..and so will i be again after this lull..I wanted to call it a siesta..but i literally had the siesta even before i ate..Pun apart,I was finally into corporate world joining the league of those infinite poor innocent souls waiting for the month end for the pay slip..

I'd been a day-schii throughout my life..hostels were not something i liked,coz i appreciated a bit of privacy and a lot of freedom..hostels provided neither..And to someone who had never been away from the home,the comfort zone,this definitely was 'an experience'..Howsoever people lauded the combination of money with freedom when it came to working somewhere away from the hometown,there are times,when your mind reiterates the fact that there's nowhere on earth more heavenly than the home..there's no one on earth more caring than the parents..

It's just been a fortnight since i joined,and it already feels like years..I missed my home like hell..Not that i had any worries there,but it's just like that..i missed my mom,my dad,bro..my room,pc,.my courtyard..my honda activa..my friends..What not..How i wished every morning,to find myself wake up out of just a dream,into the real world being my home,which obviously was just a hope hopen..To even think that i would be in a place where i wouldn't see my dad and mom get back home tired from the office,or to find my bro snoring before the heap of books,or to find myself busily smsing a friend was all hurtful..Every evening i wished for that cup of coffee my mom gave..and those cookery shows i performed at home..and those long enlightening discussions with my dad on topics varying from current ones to personal stuffs..and those wacky talks with my bro on his crush..

I knew this was life..This was how it was destined to be,and this was my time to earn,and accomplish all those long cherished dreams in life..But the emotional self keeps peeping out..I might sound weird or crazy or soppy..May be i am..Life is a bigger picture than just a courtyard or a cup of tea..but I still find it difficult..even with those friends around,and even with those 5 star facilities i'm provided with,all i wish for is,an endless today,so that my diwali holidays don't end,and i don't need to return tomo..

PS:I know this is nothing more than a short sulking post..do bear with me,if not empathize..

Note:Life is good as of now but for these bouts of home-sickness..I'm kinda in an isolated world where laptops are not allowed..and the company provides a net which has almost all those useful sites,(to be read as gmail,yahoo,facebook,orkut,twitter,blogger) blocked..And hence i can by no means read your blogs until i find some proxy..So I apologize for my absence!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

What next?

2009-09-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

She was violent with fits..With all my fortitude,i asked Dr.Ravi to pay special attention to her..
It's been 18yrs..

It was my first day at college..The euphoria of standing under the limelight being the 1st ranker in state medical entrance added to the excitement of the long awaited medicos life was clearly visible in my face..I couldn't just be composed..

Long speeches on the nobility of medical profession,the ethics to be followed,the service to be rendered..It was the freshers addressing,by the principal..Speeches can be rapturously spellbinding as well as effing boring..this belonged to the latter..not coz he was speaking any bullshit..but becoz words were flowing not as a river but as a waterfall!! You capture attention when you speak from your heart,being pristine clear about what next to speak while at the same time put your point candid and succinct..

I was tired of yawning..and that was when she caught my glimpse..The tall one in red salwar with a long black hair beautifully braided..with a gleaming spotless face and a small bindi just between the perfectly curved brows..the long dark eyes and carefully carved nose..the slightly pinkish gluttonous lips..I was jolted out of my dream world when i realized it was no more the raspy harangue i was listening to but this girl's song..i couldn't fathom if her looks added grace marks to the voice,but it definitely was sweet..

That was Padma..Did i ever have a clue while ogling at her shamelessly that she was gonna be my classmate and labmate and one of my best friends in the next 5 yrs..
I couldn't take my eyes off her everytime she spoke to me nodding her head slightly..showing least of all nuances..Neither could i help admiring her..for the compassionate way of dealing with every tom dick and harry around..for the dexterity with which she spoke 6-7 languages..for the gracious dance performances..

Since when did we become friends is unknown..not that i took any undue interest out of the reverence for her..but somehow we ended up being in the same group in the 1st year..and later on ended up being in the same gang,fooling around as well studying the ass off together..
The 5yrs were the wondrous age of my life..the happiness and enjoyment is beyond articulation..I couldn't thank god more..

"Das,I need to talk to you.."

"Yeah sure.."

Our final exams were done with..And that was padma..with an unusual coy and preface..

"It's been 5.5yrs we had been knowing each other..Not that i claim to know you in and out..your past and future..but i feel i can keep you happy,and more,i cannot be happier if i'm yours..I love you with all your strength and weakness.."

This is what i call the irony of life..Ever since you identify the masculineness in you,the wish,the ache,the urge to have a love blossoms..And it is when you seriously have someone knocking at your door,that you understand that it was not love but a fling that you wished for..

"Listen padma,not that i have anything against you..not that i dislike you..But to me,my career is most important,at least at this point of time..Marrying at 23 may be feasible for a girl,not a guy..moreover an MBBS is not at all sufficient to be an established doctor..i have my aim and vision,and i cannot veer from it,and neither can i get distracted for another 5-6yrs..I know you would wait if i ask you to,till then..But i canot get committed or ask you to be expectant of my return to you..So i would request you forget this conversation,and we remain friends forever"

I'd pondered over my words over and over again the entire night..My state of mind,my actions in the past which could have been a wrong cue for her..I couldn't read anything from her face..As always she never gave away her mind in nuances..I didn't know when i slept off amid the flurry of thoughts..but only when i woke up to ravi's nudges at 4.30am that i knew i was long asleep..

"Man,padma OD'ed herself with insulin,propenelol and phenol barbitone.."

"What the fuck!! When? And where's she now??"

All i can remember now i seeing her in the ICU,and later comatose for a very long time..

Time passed by and public memory is very short..I wonder if anyone remembers her even..But can i forget her just like that??The one,whose life i sabotaged,if not intentionally though..

I'm married,happily of course..and I'm now an established cardiologist in the city..But does the brightness in my life succeed in overshadowing my dark past??I prayed for her life,when she was in the ICU..I prayed for her death when she was left half dead..Now she's alive..no more comatose..But in a more despicable pathetic condition of lunatic-ism..Can i sleep at least a wink without the prick of guilt and contrition before i die? Why would god be this cruel!!

Appendix: As far as i know,an overdose of insulin reduces blood sugar to precarious levels so that oxygen supply to brain is blocked and brain is rendered useless.. Phenol barbitone reduces blood pressure,an overdose is equally dangerous to hypertension.. Propenelol is sleeping pills.. So the combination of all the three is worse than cyanide..

PS: STORY

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Musings..

2009-09-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

'..The capacity to laugh at oneself is a sign of an individual's strength and wholeness.The inclination to discover grievances where none exists on the other hand,is a sign of emotional or psychological ill health..
..The disposition to be immoderately upset by even innocuous situations or statements should get us all deeply concerned..
..We must tolerate,indeed encourage and celeberate, the spirit of humour even if it is likely to prove vexatious at times; for the alternatives to humour are cruelty and weariness.Living as we do in grim and cheerless times,we should not exile the spirit of humour, just because we feel insecure about the irreverence that is germane to it..'

-The Hindu,22/09/09

Sometimes or rather most of the times,i feel,I'm one of those non-humorous mundane beings who doesn't even know to crack a joke..not that i categorize into those people with some attitude problems who restrains a smile..
Humor is a talent which not everyone is blessed with..But appreciating,everyone can..Cracking a joke,or at least a chuckle to ease the tension,is something that most find difficult..
After all life lasts for not more than 65-70yrs,at the most..and we spend it brooding over trivia,fuming ourselves at frivoulous stuffs,regretting on retrospection..Why so serious..

It's not that the humorless me suddenly found herself guilty and decided to redeem..No,.not that i don't want to,but that's not something i could achieve overnight..for I'm one of those vulnerable ones,finding it comfortable to chastise and crucify the self rather than laughing at the situation..worse is when i don't forget my mistakes howsoever small,and keep reminding myself with guilt to the extent that i find a grip of tormenting jinn over my body which makes my life less happy..it sometimes appears to me as if i find a pleasure in incriminating and incinerating myself,which ultimately has to change if i happen to look forward to the prospects for fullness in life..

May be i should overlook my mistakes as well as others',for,to err is human..

PS:Congress spokesperson,on dynastic succession: You appreciate 4th generation of lawyers,and 5th generation of doctors in a family,then why not a 2nd or 3rd generation in politics????
Reliving the caste system,eh??Potter's son becomes a potter,and sweeper's son,a sweeper..

PPS:Really proud of Yugratna Srivastava..The kid gives me goosebumps!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Pity..

2009-09-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

Black Effendi : "Since I had,in my childlike naivete, no doubt that my love would be reciprocated,I grew exceedingly assured and came to regard the world as a good place. You see,it was with this same earnestness that i involved myself with books, and came to love them, to love the reading my Enishte required of me back then, my religious school lessons and my illustrating and painting. But as much as i owed the sunny, festive and more fertile first half of my education to the love I felt for Shekure, I owed the dark knowledge that poisoned the latter time to being rejected; my desire on icy nights to sputter out and vanish like the dying flames in the iron stoves of a caravansary, repeatedly dreaming after a night of love that i was plunging into a desolate abyss along with whichever woman lay beside me, and the notion that I was simply worthless-all of it was furnished by Shekure"

Esther : "Every idiot assumes there's a pressing circumstance about his love that necessitates particular haste and thereby lays bare the intensity of his love,unwittingly putting a weapon into the hands of his beloved.If his lover is smart,she'll postpone the answer."

-Orhan Pamuk

I'm still flabbergasted at the intensity and repertoire of this feeling called love.. To some,it's a motivating power,a driving factor,an energy capsule,which penetrates into the hardest shells,and consumes it fully revitalising it.. To some,it's just a degrading aspect plunging the already satiated soul into an abyss.. More or less like a nuclear fission n fusion reaction taking the form of the destroyer or the sustainer..

What makes it a subject of contemplation now,is the fate of a very dear friend,who plummeted into shit from the state of reverence..A genius he was,spiritually enlightened,intellectually elated,remarkably poised.Somewhere along he lost himself over to a girl who filled his heart,which then he felt to be void till date.."My love,in its fullness and purity,is for none other than her..not even my parents or siblings shall dare stake their share for it..",were words that escaped his mouth..

For reasons obscure,she denied..the more she ignored him,the more persistent he was..and the more determined he was to prove his credentials.. His crucifixion didn't really last any longer than 6 months when she nodded a yes.. If you, the glorified reader, supposed it to be the end of the story,you are wrong..for it was only the beginning of a fall..

Friends he lost,for she consumed him totally,eating up his money n time..priorities changed..it was not symbiosis,but parasytism..

An imbecile she was,when it came to studies,and he was pride to take up her tutilege..The more he sacrificed himself to bring her up,the more he lost himself..Law of conservation of marks stood ratified,coz every single grade she earned was visibly lost by him,to the extent that she was at par with him in the penultimate sem,and surpassed him towards the end,when he was still grappling with the backlogs ever since his lovelife flourished..

Very few campus romance sustains forever..and sometimes we fail to understand that it's only the grades and the friends we earn in the college that stay by you perpetually..He earned neither..and ironically he lost her too..a mutual break up they call it..whatever it was,he lost himself,his values,his friends,his academic credentials,every goddamn thing for her,only to prove worthless in the end..

Was it worth that?

Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~

Free Tutoring!!! :(

2009-09-09T00:46:00.001-07:00

"Will you please teach me this chapter..My maths ma'am this year is no better than a crap..none of us understand a shit"..This has been a plea i dread ever since i graduated,aka been joblessly loitering at home...from none other than my brother..

"I can't teach you an entire chapter and all..I aint any professional..May be,i can clear a couple of your doubts"

"But,i understood nothing to have doubts..Don't you get my point?"

"But how would i dexterously TEACH??"

So there goes my 'tutoring' in maths,despite all my cribbing,out of which he scores 39/40,and i earn the name of a naturally skillful teacher,which otherwise should have been something i could gloat over..But as in spiderman,'With greater powers,come greater responsibilities'..If it was just maths that he claimed not to have understood,physics and chemistry were no better thereon..On thorough interrogation comes his excuses,"You know,none of the boys are attentive in the class..What dumbass are you..Had you not been studying in co-education for 16yrs,and still you dunno the basic psychology?"

Now i look dumb,just as he called me..and i realize that he wouldn't relent unless i at least clear his doubts..And hence i ask him to read the text book aloud,and there comes 'spectroscopy' in physics..First doubt!!.."Check dictionary,what the meaning of the term is..If you are still not satisfied,just Google it..that's the modern way of studying"..That's none other than me! I'm truly grateful to the most wonderful of all inventions,Google..

But doubts seldom pertain to just the terms..but encroach to the tougher realms of problems in laws of motion,which can be solved using differential calculus..I start solving the problem,and there comes the next doubt,"What's differential calculus?What's d/dt??"Obviously,the kids have not been taught calculus yet,and physics needs calculus..Screw the syllabus..and i'm doomed,and i teach calculus,to no avail..i ain't any good teacher as my impression is..

"You can use calculators in the college??How lucky you are,we need to do all the big calculations by ourselves!!",poor guy..to which i shower my sympathy asking,"Why don't you use Log tables??"

"Yeah..you so well read my mind!!! I was about to ask you to teach me Log!!! We don't have it in the curriculum you see!"

Oh shit..Stercus Accidit..Shit happens..over n over again in my case..

Those are the times i revere my school teachers..those angels from heaven,some of who appeared to be witches then..who very well cleared my stupider queries without being the least annoyed!

Those days when i was equally non-attentive in the class,with pamela ma'am,not pamela anderson,my chemi teacher,calling my name without raising her head from the book she was reading from,to wake me up from the deep dreamy slumber i was in..and yet be so loving and caring..

Those days when i used to ping on my sanskrit sir with utopian questions,until he would say,lemme refer and let you know later..

The days when my maths teacher,preetha ma'am,the tall,fair and beautiful teacher with impeccable features and sweet voice,and an equally promising brains,burn people with her acid tongue.."Better get married off than getting screwed in maths exam..But beware,married life is tougher than maths exam" used to be her ultimatum..
Those days when my physics ma'am,who was the university topper,would swear at us with words that were unheard of during those days.."Idiotic monkeys" was the commonest and the most decent one..

The only exception being the biology teacher,who people never chose to approach with questions,thanks to her marathon classes which reminds us of hitler's concentration camps..If he knew of her then,he could rather have used her lectures as a better way of torturing..

How did they manage to infuse such knowledge into we block headed nitwits is something that baffles me now!!..If i were to say,teachers in the college,if not all most,need not be included in the list,for i've long realized that we students are a lot more quick witted than they are..People who manage to do not even a single proof without the aide of the books..

"Hey,i have an exam tomorrow..You are anyway jobless right..Just read this chapter in chemistry and get me the gist of it..I'll revise in the morning"

WTF! Do i appear to be some foot board to be stamped by everyone??

PS:Yet another product of my boredom!! :D

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Phew!!!

2009-09-08T00:03:00.000-07:00

Marriages are a pain in the ass..Well,not literally..
Yeah it's a wonderful stuff where,to be put in the C language,
if(Things are all spic and span)
{
Two souls merge and unite into a single entity..
}
else
{
To quote a fellow blogger,"Marriage is like a bodyspray.It is fresh and nice in the beginning.But very soon the scent mixes with your sweat and combined effect is bad."
}

Yeah, it is a conditional clause..like a controlled reaction wherein,provided the stipulated temperature and atmospheric conditions are maintained,with the right amount of catalyst,the reaction takes the right course of action..A sheer negligence might prove catastrophic..

XX + XY --> xx/xy
(at aK,B torr,in the presence of C catalyst)
K-Kelvin(Temperature),torr-Pressure

Given the mediocrity in occurrence of the reaction,it's quite plausible for the mortal souls to assume that initiation is pretty cheap,which obviously is worse than a misconception.. But it is quite a fact that only one of the reactants needs to bear 75% of the cost..XX to be precise..

The enzymes required being money in the liquid and solid form..Money in the transformed versions of the grandiose scheme of ceremonies.. Money to be invested in banks and real estates for the secured future of the newbies..

Yours truly was lucky enough to witness a couple of such grand events recently,where the bride was to wear about 10 silk sarees,(5 being compulsory in the custom,which i suppose has been grossly manipulated,misinterpreted and mutilated in favor of the subject),each amounting to a minimum of 7k..and 2.4kg gold,after which the bride might have even had a cervical spontilitis..with marriage ceremonies lasting for 2 days,and a reception as an embellishment..

The queer characteristic of such a reaction is that,the source of XX needs to not only initiate the reaction,but also keep providing the required impetus for the reaction in the form of periodic visits with fortunes,bear the expenses of maintaining the product of the reaction in the amicable conditions aka bring out the progeny..

I was not intending to make it a bawl post.. So i swerve away..
There i was,in the auditorium..With vidya,my childhood friend..
Marriages are boring but for one thing..the handsome and beautiful people showing up..They are the only means of entertainment without any age bar..There were these guys,who ostensibly were the groom's friends..one being tall and handsome by my yardsticks..Not that we were being one of those cheap and silly oglers..but rather subtle beholders..I was particularly curious about this guy's status,for i had seen him with a girl the day before..And so were we,comfortably enjoying the new-found obsession,when suddenly i hear a male voice next to me..

"I suppose both the guys are in the market..And one of them just had his mom ask for you..You want me to proceed or what?",that was my honorable manufacturer..

For once i felt i was doomed..all my feuds at home to push away my marriage for 2yrs,were all to be futile..Oh My God..I looked around with embarrassment..But without much ado,there was this lady heading to us..I couldn't concentrate on her talks with my dad,coz the embarrassment had made me almost deaf,dumb and blind..

And then i heard,"No,she's not gonna get married for next two years.."

Praise the Lord..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Give.. You get more..

2009-09-06T10:57:00.001-07:00

The test turned negative today too..
I'm fed up.. Fed up of everything..my career,family,friends,life..Everything seems so grey and monotonous..as a portrait made in prosaic colors..

The life,which i once was thankful to god for,now seems to be ridiculous..as if living has become totally absurd and worthless..as if there's nothing to surge me ahead,..as if there's no purpose for my existence..

Never had i found my bosoms aching so much to hold her tight..feed her..feel the divine pleasure of motherhood..
Never had i been so desperately wanting to watch her grow..listen to those murmurs and whimpers..hold her tiny arms making her walk..
Never had i been so desperate to kindle the joy of learning and playing in her..To savor her transformation from a chubby chweetie infant to the cute little kid to the pretty girl to the mature woman in the bridal suite..

I remember those numerous times i asked my mom about the pain of pregnancy and the reason why she endured them all to bring me out and later bring me up..those umpteen sleepless nights of hers,when my unreasonable sobs and whimpers woke her up..the kind of pleasure she found in my stupid jokes and berates during school and college days..the patient way by which she taught me in my initial years..the enthusiasm with which she infused all those religious values in me..And i all the more remember those days when i asked her why she did all those,paining herself..

But now i understand..the depth of her pleasure..which makes me a desperate freak..
The realization that I can't gift my man his progeny is sickening..making me constrict into an atom..And the disappointment which is all i had for my loving parents and in-laws fork to more than self-chastisement..
The education,career,money..The friends and family..All that i considered most important till date now seems to be nothing more than a sheer glimmer..

My prayers..The infinite medical treatments..nothing seems to come for aide..Unexplained infertility they call it..what is that supposed to mean??Does it keep at least a window open,if not a door???

My eyes no more glints the love for him,for i'm rendered incapable to look into his..The feeling of having failed him miserably rankles..The feeling of being an infertile land to sow the seeds makes me degrade myself into nothing better than a piece of shit..

Is there gonna be a new day??

**3Months**

We named her Nanditha..
The one who infused new meanings to our life..
Who changed our life from the prosaic portrait to a colorful postcard..
Who took our world into new realms..

I'm grateful to St.Mary's convent to help us bring this little angel to fill our empty hole with light and substance..darkness i was in,with the notion that a child can be mine,only if i were the one giving birth..children are like flowers in the garden..seeds don't matter..land doesn't matter..they are always beautiful,filling happiness in every spectator..

PS:Although the post is a mere imagination,i dedicate it to the lady i met during my visit to mumbai,in my relatives' circle..The one,who despite having been very highly educated and royally employed,adopted a girl child to fill the void in her life..My ovation to Priya :)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Stupor!!

2009-09-04T05:24:00.000-07:00

"Hey.."

"Hows holidaying?",smiling,as she always did on hearing his voice..

"It's going good..now we're heading to a beach,thats 50km away"..

"50km?Is it that worth?Whats so special about the beach?",mysterious,eh!

"We get the little drops of heaven there.."

"Shit!!"anguish!!

"**No response**"

"Don't do that yaar..",voice almost frail..

"**No response**"

Ever since her conversation with him in the afternoon,she had been restless,deprived of peace of mind..Turbulence rankled inside..tears fluttered and peeped out,ready to burst..Restlessly she wandered around..There was nothing she found which could distract her..

She prayed for long,unusual in a usual day,as if in search of those 'drops of heaven',which she always found with god.. She tried straining herself with every possible way until she was exhausted..But with every quantum of exhaustion,her exasperation and self-chastisement spiraled..There was nowhere she could turn to for solace..music,books,nothing extended their arms in support..

His arrogance and balls that she found attractive,seemed a ridiculous pain in the ass now,for she knew he wouldn't comply by anyone but himself..She always loved him for the way he was..the arrogance,shamelessness,defiance,.there was not a single quality she found nauseating.. She enjoyed his theories on booze,fag,dope,girls, with the pinch of optimism that it was the age factor..Every passing day she hoped,alas prayed for him to redeem..

'I will stop fags once i get employed',was his word,which he never lived upto..
'I've stopped doping ceremonially',was his declaration after graduation,which he never respected..
And every single time he left for holidaying with his friends,she despite being happy for his happiness,couldn't help shuddering out of agony,over his abysmal life..

Strangled between the conservative upbringing which held her back from accepting things as they were before and her blinding love for him which made her all the more optimistic was she..Blanched and baffled..

Was her hope to be unrequited or genuinely answered?

PS:I'm thankful to ZB for the exercise he conferred on us..I really enjoyed the foray into story writing.. I may not be very good at fictions..but do bear with my fragile imaginations..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

A dip into diaries..

2009-09-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

28 April 2008
I'm the happiest man today..i keep wondering if god has ever been so profligate in blessing me..3yrs back,if i were to say,i would have called myself the most pathetic being i ever knew..Not that i was that pathetic in real,but when compared to the ecstasy i'm in today,i was pitiable and lonesome..

With immense gratitude,i would for sure,acknowledge that i always had a smooth life..loving parents and caring friends..a promising job that paid me handsomely..But in spite of all that i had a voidness within which nothing or no one could fill.. I was happy outwardly,but somewhere deep inside,i was in search of something,which was then a wild goose chase..I felt none of those friends or family would suffice to make me happy..my prudent self asked me to be satiated when my emotional self did not relent..

I still remember the day i met priya..like a cool breeze on a dry sultry day..
Aeyy...i'm being cheesy..which i choose not to be.. :D
She was not the 'yet another beautiful customer service executive with a sweet voice'..She infused a difference right since i met her..Her indifference intrigued me..She was an enigma..But the more she pushed me away,the more i felt closer..I increasingly felt that this was the one i was searching for..

I transformed into one of those dreamy romantic heroes,lost in the thoughts of his heartthrob..the image i so well despised ever since..I found myself cooking up excuses and complaints to dash into her office..I wanted to look into her eyes,the deep ones which conveyed a message which i couldn't decipher..I wanted to hold her tight and say aloud that,this is my girl..the feeling was ecstatic..yet overwhelming..

Asking her out was my mistake..or so it turned out..for it broke my heart,at least for a while..only to transform into a new realm later..Her denial was meted out to me with a shock..i was certain that she was the one..staunch believer of the Almighty i'm,and my intuitions have always served me right..But i couldn't understand why i was rejected..

Perseverence had never been my forte..but with her,everything was the first..
God is great..He has always been..
My absence was gripping her tight,just as hers was to me..And in a week's time,i had this glorified visitor at my reception desk,with sunken red eyes..I felt the wind flowing in my direction..But not favourable altogether,for again i committed the mistake of proposing her..

She was the one..My mind ascertained..for inside the hard periphery,i knew,there was a vulnerable kid,trying to veil inside the shroud of mystery..

We became friends..getting closer everytime we met..She opened up with me the way she did with no one else..for wary she was of everyone..Every single man reminded her of her dad,the ruthless man who abandoned his family in her childhood..the dire jeopardy out of the treachery was more than hysterical..To her men were deception personified..some ruthless..some chivalrous..but deception was not something to be sifted from their blood..trust was not something to be associated with them..beau and beast were more than mere synonyms.. Every single man meant the same to her..reminding her of the person she despised being born to..abandoning her mom,making her life nothing better than a shit pit.. Determined she was,not to repeat her mom's mistake,of being naive to give her life and soul to the undeserving.. Wary she was,to get associated with the other half of the mankind..

Love has this power..of infusing even into the strongest hearts..
We were meant to be one..
Nothing could disentangle us anymore..
If she was to be transferred to Bangalore,I was destined to pursue higher studies in the same city..God is great,so has He always been..

There's no more any barricades between us..not anything physical,nor emotional..She is my other half today,the one without which my life would be grossly incomplete..and now,when i'm into journalism,the career i so well have been passionate about,with her beside,i have no words to hail Him..for God is great,so has He always been..

-Arun

28 April 2009
Now mom is gone too..I'm dubious if its sadness that's engulfing me.. Because,death is no more something i fear..Last one year was like a roller coaster to me..as if i were caught in a hurricane..And it was the darkest age in my 24years on the globe..

A year back,i was the happiest one in the world..Love was pouring into me with compounded interests..it was as if God was paying me the compensations for my 22yrs of pitiable life..World started seeming to be a wonderful place altogether..and every human being appeared to me loving and caring and genuine..I never knew being in the aura of a person you love could infuse a totally different perspective in you..With arun,everything was different..everything was better..

Life is an arena,where there's this survival of the fittest ringing sharp..In a competition between me and death,as always,i was the underdog..She snatched arun from me..Without him,my life was an empty hole..Without him i was in an empty pit..With him She snatched every euphoria i ever had in my life..Life started seeming different altogether..the days of vulnerability and hurt recurring..It was as if those wonderful days and Arun were part of a dream,out of which i woke up,to find myself in the same pitiable lonesome condition..

I could no longer take in any more grief..Reality was hard..and i was too comfortable being unrealistic..If not in life,i wanted to embrace him in death..A blade costed less than 10bucks,which i could afford easily..A tick on wrist and dripping blood was all i wished,for if not in life,i wanted to embrace him in death..But life is not always the way you want it to be..Men are not always the masters of their fate,and i wonder what made Shakespeare say they were then..

I loathed every effort of my neighbors to salvage me..When i wanted to live,death did not let me live with the one..When i wanted to die,life did not let me die.. But no more was he the mortal soul in my life,i could shudder off and move on..he was my other half..my life and soul was blended perfectly with his..And a sheer victory of death over me in the chase wouldn't ever separate me from him..For i still live in his aura..No more was i to be the squeamish flimsy girl..I had a purpose in life to fulfil.. I had parents to look after,not just mine,but his..I had his passion to take up..

Now that when mom is gone,i feel jealous..for she meets him up earlier than i would..
But i have parents to look after..They lost their son,only to have me as their daughter..
I have a career to pursue..for Journalism had been his passion,which he left for me to take up..
I have him,to live with..For it's not just his life,but his soul that's interweaved with mine..
May be i sound a schizophrenic..May be i sound silly..But never had i felt myself so sober before..Never have i found myself a purpose in life..

-Priya

This is my version of the story for ZB's plot for short story competition..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Journeys..

2009-08-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

Train journeys have always been a pleasant experience ever since..be thats in a crowded stinky 'general' compartment or the posh 'ac' coach..every single journey had been an experience worth relishing..I still remember,if not all,some of those fellow passengers in the past..the sweet lady from Delhi with short hair,who advised me to use almond oil on the hair..the family from Nasik,with a bubbly kid..the gals who i howled with inside every tunnels in Shimla..

If not perceive fully,it at least made me understand or witness the plights of being born a poor..the small kids who come around cleaning the floor or polishing your shoes for the meager pennies you throw at them..children who sing 'raja ko rani se pyar ho gaya' drumming on their empty tummy for a bit mercy..blind and handicapped crawling before you.. They did annoy me in the past..i hated their songs..i loathed their pleas..i despised even a sight of them..not because i was some ruthless shylock,but my small mind was so confortable believing that world was a safe haven where every human being could live comfortably..I chose to believe that poverty was not a big affair.. And when you are gloating in some non-disgusting thoughts,you find yourself demonstrating Newton's first law of inertia.. And so was i..

Until,i came out of the nest..where you are nestled and pampered by your parents,who pay for every goddamn request of yours(of course not all of them!)..ratifying the unwritten law that,dad is your banker by nature..

Being granted the laissez faire to spend a stipulated amount of money is definitely a wonderful thing..for you don't have to turn everytime over your shoulders for approval..you can shop or party around as and when you wish..and you find the glut of edifices for the money gushing up..theatres,malls,restaurants,..

And that was exactly what came to my mind too,when i was to embark on a journey alone,to Mumbai..i thought of the umpteen times, i was rejected a request for an ice cream or snacks in the train..Lays and Bytes blinded me..the flocks of colorful magazines i couldn't buy.. And i thought this was my time..my hour of profligate spending..

But it's when you start spending yourself that you understand it was a lot better to have someone spend for you than letting you act judiciously..the responsibility is painstaking..And the old celebrated skinflint in me resurfaces.. And every time i was to spend,the dwindling money in my account pops up inside the mind..and the thoughts of people who toil the whole day to make their ends meet blur the sight..the slums on the side of the highway haunts..

It was in my return journey that i met this woman,.the principal of a school in mumbai..Without much ado,we became quite friendly..and i was bemused by her craving for snacks..bananafry, vadas, vadapav from chiplun, cashewnuts and groundnuts.. reminded me of how i was..58 she was,8 i felt..

By the end of the journey,she n her hubby quite liked me as a daughter,blessing me and hugging me..i'd always made it a point not to inquire people's personal details during journeys,and hence,even after 28hours together,i had no clue of their names.. Getting down at my station,i felt a tinch of grief..coz i quite liked them..flimsy i may sound..but i either get too attached or remain totally detached..either of those extremes..

Turning back,last two days seem to have happened ages back..Meeting these people,..the elderly brahmin couple,who explored almost the whole historic india,panchavati,hrishikesh,haridvar,kailas,muktinath,and lot more..,the french-german lady who out of her love for india was on her 8th visit,..i quite liked them all,for their care and affection for me,obviously as i was travelling alone.. And the thought grips me tight that i would never meet any of those people i met during such journeys..and still every one of them did mark at least a trivial brush in my life portrait..

Ain't life the same way..a train journey..where each of us have different destinations..sooner or later you part..some stay with you till the end..some get down in the earliest station..still everyone of them contributes to complete the jigsaw..

"You are not the child of the people you call mother and father,but their fellow adventurer on a bright journey to understand things that are.."-Richard Bach

PS:I began saying something..veered long..and ended up saying something else..flurry of thoughts i couldn't sift through..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Moira

2009-08-20T03:16:00.000-07:00

Playlist had been inundated with Bhageshri, Yaman,Bhupali,Jhinjinoti,..Even at this unearthly hour of 2.30am,there was this zest and zeal with tingling euphoria overflowing in everyone..for it was no ordinary wedding..aristocracy was at the edge of effusiveness..money and power definitely acted impeccably..

Amid all these frantic ecstasy,he sat reminiscing..Unlike every other groom,it was not happiness,but glum that filled his thoughts..for this day was not meant to be this way..at least not to him..Not that he whined on fate..he forked out his way himself..But there was this gut feeling of being depleted of everything in life..

Life was not a roller coaster to him,.to an exemplary genius born to an extra-ordinarily rich dad,life was certainly not meant to be.. His handsomeness and chivalry made girls swoon over him..'Teacher's pet' was a sheer understatement..Rocking reeling yo yo guy he was,with an unrelenting charisma and friendliness..his pals wondered,if god could be this gracious to someone..repulsion was not gals' forte,when it came to him,the guys thought,with a tinge of obvious jealousy..the thought was left unchallenged,until they knew of this girl..

The girl..who shared his every dream..who made him crave for something crazily..who made him feel as if globe spun just for him..who made him feel like the king of the world..and for the first time ever,made him feel the pain of rejection..

He could never fathom her denials..nor could anyone.. He pursued on..until it became unbearable..until his perseverance dented out completely..until he realized five years were insanely long to carry on a simplex relationship..

As Danny Oceans opening statement,'My wife left me,and i went on a self destructive pattern'..so was he..on the self destructive pattern..loathing every single woman..He found the sadistic pleasure in them..the pain he infused in them was his way out of agony..but the misogynist in him could never despise the one,who once filled his thoughts..every lip he felt was nothing more than a dirty sip..for it was that perfect curve that still blinded him.. He savored his obsession about her,.reading her sms,checking the tiny photo in his wallet..

Brains he had..but not the right attitude..and it was not long before he proved himself unfit for technical education..Neither could he concentrate on the familial business..T-shirt captions kept changing from, “SHAME ON YOU GIRLS, I AM STILL A BACHELOR” to “FLIRT, BUT BE ALERT” to “NO MORE PAIN” to “DON’T TRUST GIRLS” to “SICK OF CRYING, TIRED OF SMILING, BUT INSIDE I’M DYING”..it was when the metamorphosis in T-articulation reached those alarming levels of “GOT GRASS?”, “FEED WEED”,and “GET ME DRUNK AND ENJOY THE SHOW” that people started poking their nose seriously into his life..glut of ideas,most of them weird,from all those loved ones,at last made him choose one..the one he felt sensible..

To share his,now pathetic,life with someone,.to have a companion in the lonely pitiable life,was not afterall a bad idea..the thought itself seemed rejuvenating..but with every progressing day,he increasingly felt the memories of the past haunting..entangled feelings of pain of rejection and pleasure of rejecting pushed him into abysmal levels,from which he had no escape..

There were no more any exits..no more any turning back..For this was his last night of bachelorhood..The destiny he chose,pulling someone else to tag along..
Was that into deeper shit or out of the hell?!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Is A always for Apple??

2009-08-17T00:40:00.000-07:00

When mumbai is afflicted with the bloody swine flu virus,which literally puts me in house arrest,with all the malls and theaters virtually closed,comes the tag virus..the glorious virus which survived ages of quarantine pulling hordes into its grip..the one that proved beyond a thwart..the one which i perpetually ignored/avoided/feigned busy to attend to..this time from Durga(aka Joe)..

Not that i was always scathing towards it..i did fawn upon some of those less harmful ones..but the ones i ignored outnumbered the ones i attended..among those i brushed off were ramya's and hary's 'fours',which i covertly avoided,coz i had nothing to say,and not because i was some enigmatic historic figure :D..and in the list were those umpteen tags of amrit,the favorite books tag,the five lesser known things,the one profligate spending,etc which were pushed for the same reason..And i made it a point to isolate myself when i was inflicted upon by any of those and never passed on those tags..

But here was this tag..by the one i'd been friends with since those formative ages,i.e since '93..and the one i 'fear' for those verbal exchanges to the extent that i'd even removed her from my FB list for the fear of she suing me for putting up a pic in which she looks as if she had a stroke..

A:Arrogance..something i'm misunderstood to be associated with..

B:Beauty and Bitch..though at times i find the terms symbiotic..

C:Care and concern,which i shower upon my loved ones to the overwhelming levels that at times ventures to those annoying realms.. :D

D:Dedication..yeah,i'm!

E:Eccentricity..no i'm not..

F:Friends and Family..the most most important part of my life..

G:Gayathri..thats me!
George Clooney..i don't have to specify :D

H:Hitler!!..not that i worship him..but he's a great leader!..just like Winston Churchil..the negative tinted leaders!

I:Intelligence,a term controversially attached to me in the college..

J:Joy..don't worry be happy :)

K:Kalla krishna...
Krishnaa.. Guruvayurappaa...

L:Linkin Park..I'm a die hard fan :)

M:Mofo,a word i used in place of moron,accidentally,without knowing what it was,only to feel embarrassed and regretful for a hell lot of time!

N:Nostradamus.. needs an intro kya??

O:Oceans!!

P:Prayer..
Pride and honour..nang and namoos..

Q:Queue..i hate it when people don't respect the queue..

R:Ryan Oberoi,..yeah the same one in FPS,who i loved for a long time..

S:Shini,my best best friend..
Satyam:Where i got placed first time in life,and became the vanguard in my batch..yeah show off intended :D..and no,i'm not jobless currently :D

T:Thumb!!!

U:Reminds me of a caption.. F CK..all i need is U!!

V:Vivacity..

W:What and Why..questions i can't live without..

X:XX..duh!

Y:Yankees!!..the superpower!

Z:Zip.. ;)!!

PS:@Joe,you could better have lashed me than this!!

PPS:@ Poor Innocent Souls who stopped by,Sorry for the horrible time !!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Copyrights duly paid!!

2009-08-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

In the bathroom i went to soak..I realized i cant find my soap..
Every single moment consumed me with hope.. But I found the stealer...It was the pope..
I found someone with whom I could elope..But where can I go without my soap..
She took my money and I became broke.. And got admitted to the hospital coz of a stroke..
I always thought life was fun with dope..But its not you see...coz I lost my soap..
Then I started a new life..Had a gal for a kickass wife..
Life went on with a lot of strife..In the end she took a knife..
She stabbed me in the heart where I bled..Not a single tear did I shed..
Now how can I earn my butter n bread..Coz I was this close to being dead..
Where I say...Where is my soap.. Let me clean the sins of a lifetime and be a good bloke..
I now work in a factory..People think of it coz its mockery..
To me degree from an esteemed NIT is all crap if you ask me.. Coz they wont let me be me..And in the end there is nothing free..
I paid for my soap some fifteen rupees..
And now i live with my soap and life is as tasty as cheese..

me: coool

!!!

ANAND: thank u

taaliyaaan

taaaliyaaan!!

This is a poem or whatever you call it is,by Anand,a close friend ,in live version,during one of those thousand gtalk conversations,which i demanded to put it in my blog,despite his repeated abuses of plagiarism..'nimishakavi' we call it in malayalam..instant-poet?!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Encrypted?

2009-08-14T02:45:00.000-07:00

She sat beside him..
Silently..
Fighting her uncontrollable urge..
To hold his hands..
Caress the palm..
Lean on his shoulders..
Instead she just stared at him..
Her eyes beseeching..
Speaking a tone of helplessness..
Her unconditional love reaching those painful realms..
Leaning forward she waited..
Without the slightest nuance..
As if reading her mind,he says..
"I don't feel the way you do..
I'm ready to switch into detachment..
I stay by just so that you overcome..
Overcome whatever it was..
Whatever was troubling..
Whatever was blinding..
Not because i feel the way you do.."
She just stared at his eyes..
Hoping to convey her mind..
And without another word,walked out..

I dreamt this scene yesterday..Didn't understand why or what it meant..But i couldn't shudder and get up..Felt myself tight and tied..And when i woke up in the morning,i felt severely dehydrated,with traces of tears on my cheeks..

PS:Wake up news:A girl,who seems not to be a resident, jumped from the 18th floor in the neighboring apartment..again another suicide!

PPS:People pls don't ask me if i was trying my hands at poetry,I WASN'T!

PPPS:As i mentioned in my previous post,i truly have no peace of mind..hence have not replied to any of your comments in a couple of posts..pardon requested..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Gibberish..

2009-08-11T03:23:00.000-07:00

'Plants are lucky no,that they dont die of a swine flu!!',says my 10yr old cousin,.i was quite amused coz i wasnt this aware of global affairs or pandemics when i was of his age..added to which i hadn't perceived the seriousness quite as well the boy did..

So that was my first day in mumbai,after my foray into lone travels..Not that it's a big deal to travel alone but when the whole world is swirling in the pandemic every loved one of mine was in the jitters asking me to be careful..msgs and calls were overflowing barring me from mingling with strangers..

So there was this kid,who ate every chunk of the newpaper devouring every complicated word with the help of a dictionary and making himself aware of global affairs..I was impressed for both me and my bro held arch-rivalry towards newpapers and books in the childhood..even when i was forced to read the newspaper by my grandpa aloud,i did that just for the heck of it..there was a time when i believed BJP was comprised of arabs and sheikhs.. there was even a time when i thought USA had a primeminister with a 5yr in the office..

But if at all there was a side-effect of being aware of everything,it was totally tangible here..coz knowledgeable and all the guy was,about the capitals,biggest countries and airports and waterfalls,about the types of govts in diff parts of the world,about sports..but just as the virtuous news made a positive impact so did the negative ones..

The kid doesnt stay alone in a room,coz he's afraid accomplices of Kasab might dash into the room with AK47..
He doesn't feed on raw vegetables coz he fears the tapeworm reaching the brain n rendering it inactive..
He doesn't receive balance 500rs notes from a shopkeeper coz there are chances of the note being fake..
And a lot more..

PS:I have no peace of mind to come up with something good,if at all i did earlier..felt i had to feed the blog..so please bear with this crap..

PPS:The hero is blogging now(i was the inspirer it seems :D)..I would request all the jobless people to stop by his..http://myworld-vignesh.blogspot.com/

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Legacy..

2009-08-08T11:37:00.001-07:00

The logic behind 22 people running for a single ball,is something that's left me flabbergasted ever since..I grew up hearing my dad lauding n (kinda) worshiping Maradona,bitching about the undue prominence for cricket in India..It was not onam or vishu but football worldcup that was the big celebration at home,with dad ringing up every now n then for updates..

The football matches irritated me,.and it irritated my dad even more when football and cricket were scheduled simultaneously,my granpa being an ardent fan of cricket,if u even call someone a fan of a sport..As my bro grew up,he under the influence of granpa,was up for cric..playing,watching,dreaming cric..cric fever always..and he started becoming a threat to dad,the opposite league becoming strong day by day..and he,in the hope of having someone for support,started educating me the art of kicking n heading..I being the all time imbecile when it came to sports,understood every goddamn thing,that i rather absconded from the front room at the sight of a ten sports or espn running..

My bro grew up,developed his caucus in the neighborhood,and became a sports guy..the interest consistently being cric,leaving dad disturbed..Kid grew out of the nest and spheres of influence widened..the physical changes coincided with changes in interests,with dreams of a goal replacing the dreams of a 'sixer'..but the worst part was,his kicks i used to get amid deep sleep,out of some glorified dream in which he shares the field with ronaldinho and beckam,which earlier were some screams of a catch..

It became easier for me to buy him gifts,for anytime n everytime,all i had to do was buy a jersy or a football..Gloating and all my dad was,but that never made him refrain from yelling at the kid for the umpteen no: of CFLs he broke during the 'practice' sessions in the courtyard..

Burden of studies increased,and the stereotypical dad pressed the guy to concentrate on studies..10th being the most important year,kid was abstained from the ground..'Lemme play dad please,else i would be plump,..pleasee..PT Master says i can be in the school team..please appa..' became a popular plea,with the even more popular denial statement,'Study,..a second lost is lost forever'..Pleas gave way to demands,paving way to tiffs and verbal exchange..The scions finally reaching a conditional consensus decided to leave the fate to the board marks,90% being the threshold..

The otherwise 11th hour server,studied seriously and ended up scoring a 92..Not that it was something of a great mark..but it empowered him to play..get into the school team..realize all those dreams without compromising with the studies..

And so it was..
KV Thrissur comes out Champions in the zonal matches today,thus qualifying to play in the Regionals,in Chennai Region..
Sarcastic and all i am,to him,without really appreciating on the success..but i feel happy for him..truly :)..

PS:My bro comes home,elated and excited,wearing the jersy,the orange and black one..Dad smiles and says,'the same combination as ours in my 10th std'..

Pedigree!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Lampoon..

2009-08-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

Terrorism is in the limelight again,in the crucible,getting chastised for those precarious operations in the past,or rather for the flaws in the planning i would say,coz the meticulously planned operations are yet to be reproached..afteral your weakness is others' strength,and the flaws were their weakness..

Though it still took 6yrs to be done with the adjudication,i feel it's pretty quick when compared to the in-built latency of the Indian Judicial system,which is rather ratified by the '93 blast trial..and it was nothing but the 2003 Mumbai twin blast case i was referring to where all the 3 convicts are awarded a death penalty..Not that i believe they would all be executed,especially when Afsal Guru is still alive,in a country where human rights activists are more concerned of the lives of the fugitives and ruthless convicts than those of innocent citizens,especially when capital punishment is under crucifixion even when the safety of the laymen is not ensured..

I seriously don't understand why there's such a hue and cry about the validation of capital punishment..May be a human being has no right to plunge the right of a mate to live,but not when the person has proved himself detrimental to the mere existence of others..The reason why we have greater number of Indian terrorists,and barely any American peers identified,i feel,is this serious breach in delivering punishment..It is the fear of getting castigated that abstains people from committing a crime..And this,is why i feel Pak still remains the safe haven for most terrorists,for even the Pakis agree that it is quite difficult to incarcerate someone in Pak,even with ample evidence,thanks to the fragile law structure..

I'm reminded of Hashmi's and Shabana Azmi's charge on denial of an apartment on the basis of their religious identity..Not all the muslims are terrorists is what i acquiesce in too..but the disturbing fact is,every goddamn culprit in a terror strike reveals an Islam identity,and people like Hashmi,resorting to vituperative remarks on other communities,tarnish the guileless muslims living in harmony with others,thus disrupting the secular unity of the nation..

If those few jihadis and suicide bombers who claim tutelage of the entire muslim community,are responsible for the terror instigated,not all the muslims are to be held culpable..Sadly,those few manage to capture attention by looming themselves large,even when their lives are at stake..

Kasab still languishes in the prison,but since it is India,he can still hope of getting out for another Al-queda or LeT operation some day,with pro'ly some Indian President sympathizing on his plight.. May be those 3,of 2003 blast would also join him for the next operation..who knows..no possibility can be expunged in India!

PS:I give a heartfelt ovation to Japan,on this 64th Hiroshima day,for that is the only country that i feel has nudged itself into development than a vindictive retaliation after a hulking blow..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Do i ace the test?

2009-08-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary defines the word Sabbatical as a period of time when somebody, is allowed to stop their normal work in order to study or travel..so i doubt if that would justifiably describe my absence from the virtual world..Still,i was on a sabbatical..Just like i'm nocturnal,just like i'm a veggie,I'm a 24*7 online junkie..and my existence is so entwined with being online that a state of being aloof from net is vexatious..yet,i endured the pain of parting.. :D..reason,being a bit hilariously stigmatic,i stay reticent..

So i missed a hell lot of posts,which i'm trying trying n trying to patch up,still remains painfully long.. :D,so i apologize to some of my friends here if they missed my comments,just like akh,shibin,n srm felt fb was no fun without me :D..

When i'm back,i'm greeted with ZB tacitly avoiding me from the list of people he officially tags.. x-( ..hark!!But owing to the fact that i'm running out of topics to spit here,i shamelessly decide to take up the tag which is not fully unsolicited,since i'm mentioned somewhere in the footnote or nail-note,as a friend puts it..

Not that i'm a tag freak,.i guess ramya and amrit noticed my apologies firsthand,for i'd promised to take up their tags,and yet couldnt live upto my word..I would..insha allah! But this one was interesting,especially,with the help of one of the best inventions ever known to man,the Google..I'd always wondered how my life would have been without it..I'm and would always be grateful to Larry Page and Sergey Brin,the masterbrains..

Creativity is something which i'm devoid of..but ironically,this is a creativity test..
1. What is your name: Gayathri,undoubtedly..which some fools manipulate as GAY3 :P

2. A four Letter Word: Geek..despite being a consistent and comfortable back bencher,despite having struggled my bum off to cross the min internals in ac and de labs,Mr.Nice still pampers me with this word :D

3. A boy's Name: George (Clooney it is!!)..boy,i fall in love with him over n over again,everytime i hear Danny Ocean say,'I knew what i was doing'!

4. A girl's Name: Gandhari..the character i've truly admired and adored in mahabharata for her selflessness and sacrifice..

5. An occupation:Gynecologist,the one who we are all grateful to,for delivering us out safely..

6. A colour: Green,colour of prosperity.. shyam sundara kera kedara bhoomi..The colour of God's Own Country..

7. Something you wear: Gloves,it need not be necessarily a dress that u wear right..

8. A food: Garlic Bread..whoaa..i love garlic.. :D

9. Something found in the bathroom: Gel,hairgel i mean..if not mine,my bro's..yeah he's finally sassy..

10. A place: Germany,the land of Hitler!!

11. A reason for being late: Got up late would be my reply,whereas guests would be my mom's.. :D

12. Something you shout: Get lost and go to hell!..irreplaceable!!

13. A movie title: Good night and Good Luck..yeah,i love anything n everything of Clooney :D

14. Something you drink: Guinness..not me of course..

15. A musical group: Greenday,..i dislike that band though.. :|

16. An animal: Gorilla

17. A street name: Gandhi Nagar,2nd Street!! Mohanlal rocks!!

18. A type of car: Gallardo Cesam,Lamborghini

19. Something scary: Ghost!!!

20. Ice cream flavour: Guava Icecream..wiki answers,..i seriously have no ice cream savvy..

I'm done!!
Whichever poor innocent soul finds this tag interesting,may take it voluntarily..It would be more than welcome.. :D

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Remarks..

2009-07-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

It was utter blanch and disbelief apart from rage n fury,that was meted out to Ajmal kasab's brazen revelations and plea for guilty of charges on the 26/11.. What's the big deal about him revealing all those now, is something which i don't understand..He has been long accepted a convict with the adduced evidence more than enough for a layman,if not the court..Of course,the court has its own procedures,which i feel is shitty in this case becoz it's been about 8months since the catastrophe and the lone surviving culprit still enjoys the whiff of air..Indians,for sure,need to be proud of our tolerance and meticulousness in delivering justice to every human being.. But since it is 'Abalanam Balam Kshama', i fear if we are considered 'powerless' owing to its converse..

The fear is ratified when the racial attacks on Indians in Aus is taken into account,and is reinforced when the frisking of our ex-president at Delhi airport is pondered..I'm definitely of the opinion that every individual must be treated equally when human lives are at stake,and no VIP must be exempted from a security check..But the double standards of the western system deserves more than mere reproach..If they exempt Mr.Bush from a security check,then frisking of Kalam is nothing less than breach of diplomatic ties which needs to be dealt with strongly..But what was even more shameful was the reaction of some of our politicians,Yechuri's,if i need to quote one,who asked the govt to clarify if the frisking had something to do with his muslim identity!He must at least have given the past episodes a thought when George Fernandas and Somnath Chattergee had to undergo similar procedures..India is a secular nation and religious sentiments is one of the most fragile ones..When we are grappling with a state of affairs when many of the Indian muslims are replete with the feeling of insecurity in their homeland,such remarks would prove detrimental..People with public profile should at least be cautious of what they speak,if not act..

Speaking of detrimental and shameful speeches reminds me of Rita Bahuguna-Mayawati catfights..it was really stigmatic of these so called 'representatives of people' trying to gain mileage with filthy toungue on a rape victim's chagrin..And what was even more obnoxious is the aftermath when the congress almost extended full support to Ms.Bahuguna,and BSP allegedly reacted violently with an arson attack towards Ms.Bahuguna's residence..

Equally obtrusive is Mr.S.M.Krishna's statement on 'bargaining with the sovereignity of the state' ,in the context of the ENR trade with the US,which invited diatribes from every nook n corner..There has to be a minimum dignity of speech that must be maintained,especially when pertaining to matters of The State..

Speaking of dignity,i'm forced to mention Ms.Karat's remarks on the language of the CBI charge sheet against the accused,in the Sister Abahaya murder case,which has been an unsolved mystery for about 1.5 decades..She warns the CBI to mind the words,and maintain the minimum respect for a woman whosoever it be..I don't understand what kind of a 'respect' a woman,who was dangerously audacious to murder a nun, deserves..If it's the 'feminism' thats playing the tone of outrage,there are a plethora of more important matters to look into..

PS:
'..Who would have thought that there are people who think it is a sports body whose job is to organize the Commonwealth Games every few years! Or that it is headed by US President Barrack Obama(oh,the poor queen)!..
..Ignorance apparently runs deep with many Indians being under the impression that it is some sort of a UN outfit whose boss is Kofi Annan!'
Courtesy:The Hindu,24/07/09
I couldn't laugh more.. !!

PPS:50th Post!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Pique..

2009-07-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

"Chettaa,Be careful ok..eat properly ok..!!"
My ears had been honed to this monologue,every single day,by a lady,in a very seductive tone..So very seductive that the love and care literally overflows.. :P

To all those who aren't accustomed to,'chetta' is a word,used to address the husband, by his spouse,reflecting her reverence and love for him.. These days,not many do that though,which can be ratified by dhanya's post on the aftermath of her best cousin's marriage,in which the bride says,"Eat one more chappathi,daa"!!I was shell-shocked when i heard sanu,of all the people,calling her husband,who was 8yrs elder to her, a 'da'..Sanu in particular coz she was the one,the abider of male chauvinism if i were to opine,who used to advice me to restrain from expecting too much in a groom,to nod a yes to whichever tom dick n harry likes me..that was an exaggeration,but still,in her opinion,the girls have only a subtle say in the relationship,which is where i disagree vehemently..

To come back to the aforesaid 'mono'logue..it had been echoing in my ears these days so strongly that i've quite reached the apex of vexation.. Not that there's something at all wrong with that..but,when spoken by a lady,who toils hard the whole day to bring up her family,to a man,who is a 'velavatti' or 'dandasoru' in tamil,i.e the one who does nothing better than eat sleep n shit at the lady's expenses,is something really irritating to a person like me,who i don't think is very outlandish,who thinks respect is not for the post of 'husband'cy, but his intellect,or his care n protection which he exhibits in either kind or cash earned..The annoyance wouldn't have been this aggravated if he were just another of those harmless boneless bisexual husbands who chose to be jobless..But our hero is not the one,who is to be categorized into the like..He is The Man..who yearns and aches to have his royal testosterone looked upon with veneration,which in his idea,can be achieved only by bellowing! And to my surprise,she never retaliates to his pointless hollers..

I was even more surprised when i learnt that theirs was a love marriage,a rebellious one,which has not been acceptable to the Hero's family even after 25yrs of marriage..She's beautiful even at this age,which makes me awe at the thought of how she would have been 25yrs ago..And he's even shorter than her by 4-5cm,dark,and a not-very-handsome guy,if you find hideous an effusive term.. Everytime i see them together,i feel like comparing them to a powercut-generator duo by all means..
Another of those epitomes of blind love..

I wonder how he spends the whole day,eating his ass off and farting off every single bit of it..I've known of men who spend all those hard earned bucks for booze,.I've known of men who even abandon the family irresponsibly..But this had been a totally new experience..

PS:The family had been living for rent in our outhouse for the past 6yrs..With both of them highly educated with a 10th std 'degree',she works as a home-maid, which i request the readers not to read at par with a 'servant'..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Adieu

2009-07-17T02:19:00.000-07:00

I grew up in her music..
Hailing the DKP -DKJ duo..
Admiring the MLV-MSS-DKP women trinity..
Listening to her mellifluous songs..
She created history,being the first woman,who otherwise were forbade from giving a public concert..
She melted away the hurdles of being a Brahmin,who was not supposed to be trained in a gurukula..
She proved herself invincible in ragam-thanam-pallavi which was earlier men's forte,if not their bastion..
The prodigy in her,who was blessed profoundly by Him was too overwhelming to be suppressed..
The elegance in her delivery along with the unique timbre,and clear diction,surged her way into an irreplaceably prominent role in the world of Carnatic Music..It was owing to that singularity that Pkd Mani Iyer,who outrightly rejected accompanying a female on stage,was ready to play for her..
She bids adieu as a trailblazer,with her descendants taking up her path..
At this moment,i pay my tribute to the great soul..
May her soul Rest In Peace..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Conversation..

2009-07-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

Me:
You spoke a lot on me,based on my horoscope.How do you scientifically ratify all those statements and revelations?May be all you told were true in my case.But how does that happen?There is no experimental proof nor do we know the reason why a person born on a particular day behave in a peculiar way,which cannot be quite quintessential?

HE:
Astrology is a science.Do you ask for a scientific reasoning for a science?What's the scientific ratification for the laws in physics?They are simply the laws,the unquestionably established ones.

There are two kinds of sciences-tangible and intangible ones.

Physics is tangible.When you demonstrate Newton's laws,you can 'see' what is really happening.

In chemistry,you have physical as well as chemical studies.You learn about the various physical interactions between electrons and protons,using an electron-microscope.But we perceive the reaction between O2 and H2 to 'create' water.Water is tangible or visible.But the presence of O2 and H2 is 'felt'.

So is astrology.It's linked closely to astronomy which deals with the visibility of stars and planetary motion.Astrology deals with the ramifications of the particular position of the celestial bodies during one's birth.It's to be felt,just like you feel God.You don't see Him,but feel.
When you first start believing in The Providence,you feel His divine power.

In Gita,there's this classification on people as,Satwika,Rajassi,and Thamassi,based on the way of living.The excellently pious,honest and sincere Satwika,the not-so-good but not-bad Rajassi and the incorrigibly bad Thamassi.In every person there's this goodness and evilness residing,in either of those patent or latent stage,based on which you tag the man to be good or bad.How do you decide whether a man is good?From his words,from the behaviour,and the actions.You percieve that.Not necessarily see.So believe that there's this intangible goodness and evil on the earth.Without the evil,the integrity loses prominence.Accept that there are stuffs beyond our understanding.

Astrology requires that divine blessing.Not everyone can be a good astrologer.You need good intuitive power.Sometimes you feel your intuition serves right.But once you realize that it's the presence of the divinity inside you which gives you that far sight,your ego and pride sheds away and give way to a better understanding of the intricately weaved complexities of nature.

First start believing strongly in God,then have faith in the science abidingly.Attune yourself to it.If you ask me who's the master of Astro,its none but Him,who blessed the eminent seers,the sages,with the deep knowledge or gyana.

Me:
So what's this horoscope match about?I find people increasingly showing their backs to horoscopy these days.So whats the upper hand in the discourse on whether marriage is made on earth or in heaven?

HE:
Every horoscope is based on the motion of Sun and Jupiter.And written according to ganitha-shastram or vakya-shastram.. So an astrologer,first decides if a horoscope is valid or not, based on some yardsticks.Every horoscope has a rashi,or say a house.And how we arrive at a match is based on the compatibility between the houses and house owners,i.e rashi porutham and rashi adhipa-porutham.. We might even consult more than one astrologer dubious on the credentials resulting in contradictory verdicts leaving you baffled. When you bend the judgements for your favour with a compromising match,life becomes disastrous. Astro still holds good,it's the manipulations and misinterpretations that led you wrong.

PS:The interlocutor is a very reverential person,with immense knowledge on anything n everything ranging from music and astro to management and science,who happened to be the relative of this poor ignorant soul.I couldn't articulate stuffs half as good as he told,though i settled with an abstract.

PPS:The post has a lot of garbage,to fill the space,according to a friend..i would request the honorable souls reading the post to activate their filters :)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Pedigree..

2009-07-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

Long since i was born,i had been hearing a you-are-a-hopeless-decadent-piece-of-shit-not-worthy-of-being-an-iyer rants from my grandpa..Ok now,don't get me wrong..me and grandpa had been the best pals in my childhood,thanks to the endless hours of cards and carroms..But that doesn't exempt me from earning his disapproval..if u've been digging into my previous posts,it wouldn't be much difficult for you to conclude that i'm a sleepyhead myself..a nocturnal one i am..but i love sleeping when everyone's awake,and stay awake when everyone springs into slumber..zzz..and that's been the earliest of all the reasons to gain a hopeless image..
I wake up late,point no:1!..
And when i wake up late,i will still be sleepy,that i would bathe late,point no: 2!..
And when i don't bathe early,i wouldn't pray on time,point no:3!..
And on and on goes the intricacies of an intertwined vicious network..Alrite,not nasty..still,at one point of time,when i wasn't accustomed to dictionary i.e. when i was a kid,i had even asked a teacher at school if the word 'hopeless' meant something good,like,pretty/intelligent/sweet or something of the like..

So goes my plights of enduring the tag of an iyer..i enjoy that tag though..quite proud if u ask me..proud to be a veggie in particular..Now you may ask me what's there to be so proud of..but that feeling can't be quite articulated..the kind of feeling of self respect you have when you find amid a horde of drunk pals,you,totally sober..Self-respect!omg..am i the one speaking!! :O..

So what's it like to be an iyer..there are quite some quintessence you find in every iyer home..
#Tamil..!!
And if you happen to be in kerala,especially if you are somehow linked to palakkad,it would definitely not be a tamil that your tongue would be,but a talayalam=talli+mallu..For a real time experience,'Nala damayanthi' or 'Micheal-madan-kamaraj' is prescribed..

#At any function that you attend,the guy you bump into,would somehow turn out to be your aunt's father-in-law's nephew's grandson or the like..everyone would seem related..which i guess is the reason why there's a lot of out-of-caste marriages in the community,.afteral,marriage inside the family is not very appreciable you see..

#Everytime you meet another Iyer/iyengar of the opposite sex, most pro'ly parents would be busy thinking, "what a cultured boy/girl...marriage potential?"!

#Learning carnatic music or bharatnatyam,being one of the mandatory stuffs!!yours truly has been 'trained' in classical music until she was eligible to vote..

#Mathssss and sanskrit were the only subjects whose marks my grandpa was interested in..as a result of which my sanskrit sir used to mock me a walking dictionary..

#Fridays..gaya3333,go and bath di..you have thengayennai(cocunut oil) and manjal(turmeric) in the bathroom..glorious day to get me dressed up in a litre of oil and paint myself yellow..

#♫kousalya supraja rama♫..=>>5.30am,.and dad nodding and humming an aaha...

#Thair sadam and oorga(curd rice and pickle)..to all those who is yet to have a taste of that scrumptious food,you are missing something ambrosial..

There are a lot more which i would obviously find it hard to put it in english,like the 'etcchal pannathae' dialogue you hear when you eat..

Sarcastic and all i sound..But,brahmin brains are regarded highly efficient world over..(and i'm still wondering which part of my brain went adultered!!)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Seppuku..

2009-07-04T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'd been into this terrible state of voidness lately,when i'm least bothered about what's happening around or how people are..
But somehow i was nudged from my reclusive comfort by this incident..
There was this guy,an orthologist..Who lived in my vicinity..Who i never met..Who i never knew..Not until he died..or rather,until he decided to end his life..
I was shocked..so were many who stayed around..
It'd been a week since the incident,but i still find me lost in his thoughts..
If education was about bringing up a horde of socially and morally responsible individuals,has it been successful in its mission?
Suicide is a criminal offence in itself..
Moreover,the guy had a family,the wife n kids who depended on him..How could he have been so fragile and flippant as to abandon them..
May be i have not much experiences in life as to see how difficult life on earth is.. but is that this difficult as to end it abruptly without being least conscious of its ramifications or effects on others life?
I was frustrated..rather highly petulant..I'd always thought people of respectable social status would never do something this stupid..Pro'ly it took him a hell lot of courage to do something this grave..Still,couldn't he have fought that moment of hopelessness and stayed his family's bastion..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Danke schön! Danke!

2009-06-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

Ahem ahem..i'm so stuck up with words now.. although there are these words jolting their way down my fingers into the keyboard,i'd already had this word clot which seems hard to melt.. Mind is overwhelmed,but brain fails to express the joy effectively..I'd never done this in my life..all along,throughout my school and college life,for every prize i won,there was no adjoining speech..prize distribution was just about running into the dias and collecting the award from the princi and hence i honed my way into a thankless brat..

Anyway,
Thanks to ZB,i've been awarded by this guy who i admire a lot for his writing style,for the stuffs he puts up,for the wit in a self-degrading manner,for his responsiveness and broadness in encouraging each of his fellow bloggers by timely and zestful comments.. Thanks a lot man,..it does mean a lot..

Now,this is something i never did before,..this acknowledgement part.. when i read his award winning speech,i felt myself a thankless moron,who never made it a point to express her gratitude to people who regarded her while delivering an award..

I apologize for the delay and i thank Thousif, for he was the first one who gave me an award.."Making a difference".. it even made a friend change my name in his contacts from GAY3 to 'mbMAD',master blogger making a difference,albeit all he meant was to pull my legs.. i thank thousif not just for the award,but for all his comments..i'd desperately wished to see a comment in which he actually criticises with an acid tongue which has never happened till date..he always makes it a point to appreciate and encourage others sincerely..thanks a lot man..

I also thank our cute Ramya for her awards..she's been one heck of a writer herself inviting heaps of appreciations and admiration from the peers..

I don't know who to thank for the BOTDA..the guy who delivers it?in which case,i thank the stranger,Bill Austin,who on a fine day commented on a post saying i won BOTD,. :)

Unlike the earlier awards,this one is not an unconditional one!!! It has it's own rules and tag,which i must obviously abide by!So here it goes,
The tag Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Copy the image above, the rules and the questionnaire in this post.
3. Post this in one or all of your blogs.
4. Answer the four questions following these Rules.
5. Recruit at least seven (7) friends on your Blog Roll by sharing this with them. (Here i bend the rules,i tag only 4! :D)
6. Come back to BLoGGiSTa iNFo CoRNeR (PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THIS LINK) at http://bloggistame.blogspot.com and leave the URL of your Post in order for you/your Blog to be added to the Master List.
7. Have Fun!

Questions & Your Answers:
1. The person who tagged you: ZB(I still don't know his real name,and i doubt if anyone in the blogsville knows that!!)
2. His/her site's title and url: Zillionbig
3. Date when you were tagged: 30th June 2009
4. Persons you tagged: Here,i go by ZB's yardsticks of giving away the award,i.e,based on the frequency and madness factor,i would like to tag,
1)Arun Philip(i really love this guy's posts,every one is goddamn too good and witty!!)
2)Thousif Raza
3)Durga(My dear Joe!)
4)Ramya

Thanks again guys :)
(PS:when i say guys,it means both M and F,just in case someone has such a doubt!)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Life (?)

2009-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it was my joblessness or my boredom or the adieu to my friends that made me contemplate on it.. I don't think it was pathological.. Neither do i think it was out of a single reason.. May be they indicate the elimination of all the vestige of adolescence..(it's been 2yrs though!).. May be they indicate a new state of maturity in me..

Whatsoever it be,.i was terribly caught in the swirling thoughts..making me helpless to shudder and get out of the hurricane..brain cells tied hard to focus on none but a single topic..

What exactly is the meaning of a life?
Not that I'm the first one making an attempt on it..there had been a lot of people,who in search of it's gist,lived a life,.one, that was not worthy as they thought it would be..

What is the soul reason we live for?Knowledge?Career?Fame?Recognition?Money?Family?Sex?
And where do we end up..in a six foot grave?? Is all the fuss worth that? A lifetime of misery and fray,ego and false-pride?

We meet people,end up being friends or foe,some make our day,some break the heart,some stay with us in our onward journey,but ultimately we end up being on our own..we return with the same solitude as in the womb..

The movie 'The father of the bride' left me crying towards the climax..it was a happy ending,but on a serious note,i started wondering how my reaction would be on leaving my home to whichever-heaven it be..leaving my people,spending each night without seeing my parents,without scratching my kiddo-bro..but ultimately i gotto leave.. So why the heck did i have to be attached to them..to cry my ass off on a parting? Why on earth do we love people if one day we need to leave? Is life as simple as that?

Gita says,'Living should be about fulfilling your responsibilities with utmost integrity,yet without emotional attachment.Be that's a favor or a loathe,you give it irrespective of a kinship.. And when you do,you join the eternal soul.'
So are we bound to live a robot's life?Or is that the real life and ours a farce?

I'm confused! Terribly!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

The pestiferous contagious Tag virus..

2009-06-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by ZB last week..to enlist at least 10 of those stuffs thats annoying or crazy or at the most making me furious!! 10 would grossly be an understatement coz I'm a very short tempered person,not apparently though..now ppl,who have never seen me red-faced,dont gape at me,i'm one,but you need the royal blue blood to identify that..still,listing them out is a tedious job coz u take an insight about yourself,and redefine all your diminutive emotions to be articulated..

So let's not categorize the post into something abt craziness or fury,but random nuances..
Contemplating on what and how to write is something i hate..i hate that kind of planning in life..it's wonderful being impulsive,right from blog posts to romantic kisses..spontaneity adds to the zest for life..so without giving it much thought,i put up whatever comes first in mind,unlike how Thousif epitomized ladies to be spic and span about all those minute details that make them the veteran story tellers,in his post!May be that's what makes those guys,my friends,say im less girlish,or as FB says,0% girlish,..but 'a real woman feels feminine only with her man!'-Rage of angels..lol..i prefer real ones to the fake! :P

Getting back to dissecting the virus,
1)Liars.. I believe in Khaled Hosseini's words,'When you lie,you steal someone's right to truth'.. Bitter guard is a lot better than sweet poison.. All i need is the reason,not those cheesy toppings that manipulate,twist,and mutilate the truth..

2)It gets on my nerves when people say they had no time to reply or return a call.. They had time notice that the food was salty,but not the fone ringing indefinitely.. It's better to say straightly if you don't wanna talk rather than bluffing around..

3)Hypocrisy.. Gee,the most important of all my abhorring stuffs.. I love it when people say something straight on face.. A killer smile with a background bitching is what i would wanna find the least in people..

4)Judgments.. It's better when people don't put on the judge's attire and give away,'I never thought,'..,'How could you,.." comments,.. C'mon,don't confine people to a stereotype.. Everyone has a unique way of living..

5)MCPs!!!! damn,..i hate those p**s.. what on earth do they mean by saying men are superior to women? men and women are different physically,mentally and emotionally,..even the brains are hardwired differently..what's the point in a comparison even?

6)Thinking about my earliest of all embarrassments,i remember the day when i was five,.i was at the temple with grandpa when that doubt popped into my mind..'Thaatha,whats this kamasutra about?Is that some epic like Ramayana or Bharatha'??? I saw him sweating and looking around at people passing by,with a perplexed face.. My doubt was genuine in that,i was enlightened about all those hindu epics,even when i was a kid,..and this being an obscure one i found in some tv ad,which was not even mentioned at home,aroused my curiousity..Later i found him telling my dad about it and letting out a guffaw.. After some years,i identified what the ad was about!

7)Around the same time,i.e 5yrs,i had my aunt conceiving her second child.. It was when my pompous cousin boasted that her mom was gonna 'produce' a child that i understood what was inside the potbelly.. i felt like a loser to have nothing to retaliate,and my ignorance in biology took over,and found myself saying that my dad was gonna manufacture a kid at my home! I was indignified when she laughed,..but now it not only makes me lol,but i pity my dad,who then had perfect fitness,to have fallen prey for my stupidity..

8)Again,all my crazy stuffs are linked to obscenity,though not because of deliberation..
I was in 9th when Manikandan sir was teaching a sanskrit poem on a conversation between Yudhishtira and Droupadi.. The lady was highly glorified in the beat,as the most beautiful,intelligent,charming,blah blah lady,who was a pativrata,the detailed definition of the adjective following.. When sir elucidated the term pativrata to be,someone who held a single husband physically as well as mentally,i was jolted up without a second thought,.."Sir,how could you then possibly call her a pativrata when she has 5 husbands even physically!"..(not something to be asked in a class where all those teenage boys gape at u with the emotion-mix of kick and incredulity) The query was an innocent one from a non-perverted mind.. But it was late by the time i realized the gravity of my question,and found myself captioned by this comment.. But there's an inexplicable joy in being shameless to speak out what's in your mind..afterall we don't always need a filter or beeper in our mouth..

9)It was when i was in 12th that the power game between the two bio-teachers in the school started,.'A' being super cool and popular among us,and 'B' being a mundane schizophrinic dork.. When the fray was at the peak,'B' wanted to check up with her students if she was really palatable or not,and started approaching each of us individually for the survey of 'A' vs 'B'..When everyone acted against their will to appease 'B', i couldnt help saying upright that i love 'A'!!..the price i had to pay was to sit in all her remedial classes :(..penalty!! But yeah,i was proud that i had the balls to stand upto my conscience!

10)As i said in the beginning,it's hard to list them..i prefer paragraphs to points even in my answer papers..it's hard reminiscing and encapsulating the umpteen craziness that you did when you were a teen diva.. i had been a bit more mature girl at college,but school was my empire,to piss others and get pissed.. but this will do for the time being..

I'm not really interested in passing on the tag.. If so ever someone is interested,please don't hesitate volunteering.. :D

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Exams in the Air..

2009-06-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Man,is there something terribly wrong?? I mean, 3 out of the recent 4 posts were romance-related.Are you obsessed in romance or some 'prince charming',or you joined the losers' league??"

When I received such an sms from a close friend,i couldn't really blame him,for he was partly right,coz the posts were all related..anyway,it had nothing to do with me..just random observations and bitching..

Enough of paradooshanam..
Lemme get back to 'my life'..
Whats been happening at my end???
Yeah,..
Monster Dragon strikes again after long six months of dormancy..
The only difference being,this time the monster gave more than enough time to be prepared for a retaliation..this being the final sem and classes having ended ages back..

Lemme enlighten all those holy souls who are ignorant about the great heritage and tradition of my university..
If it was sheer luck when a guy passed all the papers in a sem exam without even having appeared for one,it was catastrophic when a stud girl had her results witheld and later found her papers missing from the uni(seems it was fed to some cattle!)..no idea what happened next though!

When the classes travel in Ferrari F1 to reach the destination,theory exams come in horse-cart,and lab exams rely on a snail.. by the time we are done with all those,the results of the previous sem would be out..

After all those pain-staking efforts to learn the whole so called 'important and recurrent' topics,the profs would find them interesting not anymore..and we would be awfully awestruck at the exam-hole,oops hall!

Just as some fwd sms says,."Brain is the most outstanding object in nature.It functions 24hrs,365days,right from the day we are born,and stops only when we enter the exam hall!"
How true..
With the brain lobes serving the academics being numbed,the artistic and creative ones reach out for aid and serve the purpose with highly imaginative and creatively elated answers appearing in the answer sheet abiding by the rule of the thumb,'the more you write,the more you score!'

Enough of preface,..
So thats it about the university and the exams..

With my final sem having ended a couple of months back,i was redefining and inventing different meanings for the term 'joblessness' when my exam schedule was suddenly published out of nowhere..
What should i have done?
Either jolt myself straight into studies..
Or relax for a while for the reality to sink in and start studying gradually..
Anyway,i chose neither of the extremes,and ended up touching and caressing my books for a good one week when at last i decided to start studying seriously..

Exam time is quite weird at my end..
With my nocturnal self surfacing strongly,every day would begin with my dad's hollers..
My room being all shabby with photocopies of all those text books lying here and there,..some on the table,some on the bed..(what would i have done but for the invention of the great photocopier!)
PC running 24*7 as a jukebox with some rock playing constantly,just to abstain me from a slumber..and an active gtalk window with frequently changing status msgs..
With the newspaper left untouched for ages,I would rather stay isolated from the rest of the world during the entire period..
(You may not believe if i said that i had no idea abt the racist attacks in Aus,until someone put a related status,lol..)

So exams is in the air again..
Sometimes sweet,if u ask me for it keeps me busy..
Sometimes sour,for i can't be relaxed..
Sometimes bitter,for i have no escape from it's clutches until it decides to relent on its own..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Looks can be deceptive,but most are happily gullible..

2009-06-03T04:36:00.000-07:00

Men are the most aesthetic beings if you ask me..unlike how the widely accepted notion is..
The ones who truly abide by the theory," Pay attention only to the form; emotion will come spontaneously to inhabit it. A perfect dwelling always find an inhabitant."

So the girls around have two options,
Either trust your looks,(you can rely on a boy anytime,if you have a promising guise..it doesn't matter even if you are a bitch!)
Or rely on your 'self'..

PS:'If it's the visual stimulus that excites a man,it's the actions of care and concern that arouses a woman!'-Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

PPS:You would have seen Cheeto still sharing a friendliness with Arshi if she were the one cheating on him,unlike how she reacted..there wouldn't have been any emotional explosions and detonations,may be a 'Lets be friends' tag..- You are here

PPPS:I don't believe in this 'Love at first sight' stuff.. Neither does the 'Love just happens' appeal to me..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Metamorphosis

2009-05-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

Adolescence is a very interesting period..with all those visible and invisible changes,with all those increased consciousness of the self and pronounced importance for the individuality,with all those elevated concerns on the savoir faire,with all those recurrent mood swings and mental storms,it marks the great grand transition to being recognized an adult,to being valued as an individual and contributes profoundly to one's character formation..You try experimenting stuffs,develop the kind of craving for stuffs which you otherwise despised,get yourself f***d up umpteen times,yet laugh at it sportively..Yeah,teens is the best part of one's life..

Observing the kind of metamorphosis impassively is quite easy,funny actually..but being a part of the change is one heck of a hardship,if u ask me..

I was in fact amused when my bro started getting tantalized by all those accessories,perfumes,costumes, which otherwise never perked him up and invariably ogling at the opposite sex.. We had always been quite friendly despite the 5yr gap.. More than friendliness,there was this care and affection taking over.. And he in return kinda respected my words,and gave me immense say in his stuffs.. And suddenly i was confronted with his 'self' peeping out demanding a lil more prominence.. He was no more to be taken for granted.. And he and his words were to be treated with a lil more regard..

The confusion and imbroglio amid us were evident from the frequent verbal exchange and cold wars.. I always thought it were his extravagant and escalating needs which brought me into tiff with him,..i thought he was being incorrigibly arrogant.. I thought he was becoming a brat..But deeper contemplation reveals my fault.. My mind still doesnt accept and adapt to his new grown-up state.. He still remains to be a kid in my mind who needs immense care and protection when what he really needs is support and guidance.. My ego holds me back from respecting and accepting his opinions on issues..everytime he comes up with one,the word rankling at my mouth would be to shut up and mind kids' business..

When i were on his shoes,me and my words were dealt with a lot more heed by my parents and yet i demanded more..and ironically, i fail to regard my bro with the same reverence as to a peer.. Sometimes my affection comes out as maternal and becomes pretty disgusting.. May be he deserves a better treatment..

PS:To all those who stopped by,my post might seem nothing more than some whimpers ..but i'm getting overwhelmingly involved with all those unrest..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Love Shits again!

2009-05-28T08:43:00.001-07:00

Appendix:
A-Female
B,C-Male

Prose
2005-2006
A-->C=Brother
A<-->=Going out
A is deeply,passionately and crazily in love with B..of course full duplex..
Hours of text-msging followed by well planned and scheduled late night fone calls..lol,..B used to take real hardship in sleeping as early as 9pm just to wake up at 2am to squat under his blanket and attend her call,which included pulling out the choke of the tube in his room so that no one in the hostel disturbs him..
While floating and gloating on all those sweet romance,A on a fine day cheats on B(details obscure to me as well!!)

2006-2008
C who was a 'brother' to A takes over and they fall in the divine hurricane of love..
And after a good 1.5yr of loovee,C brings up the matter before his parents,which is outrightly rejected,despite the fact that A had been their family friend for a very long time..

Anyway,C feels bad that he abandoned A for his parents and sends her an sms,"I can't leave my parents or disobey them,but,just let me make it quite clear that whoever i marry,you'll be the only one i love,now and forever"
(!!!)

Zindegi Migzara

2009
On a fine day,A gets engaged,formally,arranged by her parents..
And suddenly she feels an irresistible need to befriend B and tries every goddamn way she knows which B evades smartly..
After flunking at every possible ideas she had,she resorts to a final way,

Beep Beep..

B receives a msg from A,"I can't leave my parents or disobey them,but,just let me make it quite clear that whoever i marry,you'll be the only one i love,now and forever"

(!!!!!!!!)

Reply,"Will you ever stop disturbing me and leave me alone!?"

Lol..Never knew B could ever be so strong at words!!

PS:Don't by mistake sympathize at B,coz this is yet another episodes rewound with different casting in B's life,..pro'lly he who usually enact the culprit,got cast into the victim this time..

Disclaimer: The post is out of the fictitious imagination of yours truly.. Any resemblance whatsoever,to any living or dead person,is fully inadvertent and the author denies culpability of any character assassination!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Romance Shits!

2009-05-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

It had become long since i've really enjoyed attending a function outside my close family..I hate dressing up like a puppet and squander at a place where i have none to at least jovially schmooze with..the scene waiting for me would be some old maamies competing with each other to ask me when i'm gonna get married..goddamn that question!i loathe it..even if that's not a brahmin function,i'll have some 'wellwisher' asking me the same..
What i hate even more is the feast that follows.. not that i hate the food,but i hate the waiting time,i hate the messy sounds and i hate the dirty surroundings which is inevitable after the first round of the food..

Every time i see an invitation card lying fresh on the table,the first thing i would do would be to fix myself an engagement to evade attending that function..and my proclamation of a busy schedule would be invariably followed by a long advice of social etiquette and social commitment and social craps which shouldn't be shirked by either or both of my parents..And in a community where anything right from birth to death,engagement,marriage,sheemandam,shashtipoorthi,shathabhishekam,blah blah blah, is an 'occasion', it has become a nerve-racking venture to be safe every time..

Now that i'm having vacations,i'm made to go through all these shitty stuffs myself..Although i didnt agree upon every single invitation,one or two local ones were unavoidable which otherwise would cost me a court-marshall..and i started wondering why can't these people have a register marriage and avoid all these fuss with the wealth..huh!weird right,..even i'll have to be a part of this game in a couple of years..
The bride all dressed up like a mobile jewellery shop in all those glittery silk sarees which would be like being in a blast furnace during this peak summer..The groom will have the stereotypical cream silk dhoti..The relatives would all be running around showing off their robes as well..funny i should say..

Anyway,there were these two marriages which fell into the unavoidably important creed..
One was of a girl from my neighborhood,with whom i was told to have played some games in the childhood..not that i forgot those days,but that there's not even faded footprints left of those days in our relationship..the only remaining mark is the smile we never fail to pass each other..
This girl was not that pretty and all,but had some attraction..dark and all she was,but there was some kind of magnetic aura around her..flirtish and all she was,but she never ran out of words,at least to beat upon the bush..So when i heard she was getting married,i was not totally blanched,at least because i had that cynical mindset about this girl that all she was living for was this day..But what was a blindsiding blow was to know that she was marrying a taxi driver she met when she was in 10th std..roflmao..i couldnt help myself..I didnt even have that kind of feelings when i was of that age..lol..since she was financially well off,i had the feeling that she could have secured a better alliance,but for this guy somehow made it to the Gulf(no idea what and where in the Gulf!!)..anyway,that was a love story ending up in a comedy..thanks to her fortitude and determination..

There was this second paradoxical marriage which was of a close pal's..this one was something i was looking forward to attend,just for the heck of meeting my old friends..even the thought was exhilarating.. :D..this bride was also a romantic heroine,who fell in love as early as in 7th std..pretty,fair,financially too strong,and the scion of a very reputed family..but sadly ended up being a loser..practical problems demanding compromises..

Anyway,the two marriages within a gap of a couple of days kept me contemplating..what was the driving factor behind love??Looks?Money?Brains??or is there anything at all??or is that a feeling just out of nothing which can be bestowed upon any tom dick or harry that u meet??huh!!Love at first sight..rofl..!!
I was baffled at how people end up falling for someone who on a serious note would certainly not be a working model..why end up exhausting all the energy on a project which definitely wouldnt work on the evaluation day..and what was even more queer was the feelings people develop even before attaining puberty..huh!!atrocious!!ain't marriage a lil more serious affair to be thought of after having a more matured outlook about life?

Disclaimer:The post was not meant to be offensive to anyone..and may be my views are not appealing to you,in which case,just ignore and move on..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Träume

2009-05-17T11:42:00.001-07:00

"Appa,i saw a dream yday!"

"HUH!not the least for a surprise!!Now whats it this time?"

For all those who don't know me,i'm one heck of a dreamer..not the usual kind of a day-dreamer,but there wouldn't be a single night spent without a trail of dreams..sometimes sequels,sometimes random..sometimes intuitive..sometimes even close to clairvoyance..sometimes just another of those weird ones..but most of the times, i end up with stuffs good enough for a laugh or a guffaw..

There was this night,when i woke up sweating and panting,blanched by a dream,me idling around on a holiday,which i later found out to be my pro-evaluation eve when a friend rings up enquiringly,and that was when i realised that all the tools were yet to be manufactured,my ppt,my reports..huh!!I started fainting,blood oozing out of my face,and mouth longing for a drop of water..and that was when I suddenly jolted out of my bed..I started rubbing my eyes so hard to get back to normalcy just to remember that all those evaluations shits were long done!..I slept off blissfully the rest of the night..Getting back to college,much to my surprise,our pro-results were published the same day!

There was this incident when i dreamt of a friend shaving his head completely,when in a couple of days he pops with his head mowed perfectly to be compared to a cricket ground..

Date with madhavan(sure,he's not an enticement any more! :P),letter from Hrithik,were all those queer impossible ones which blazed in my school days..

"I dreamt of a day when i was forcibly put into a burkha,with all those guns laid against my head..there were bomb blasts and cries of pain everywhere..there was none around who i could recognize!I was thirsty and hungry,but there was absolutely nothing..sheer squalor..I was totally alone,dismayed thoroughly!! :O "

"OMG!! It's the Talibans this time????? You got nothing better to dream??Anyhow,I'm saved of those expenses for opera tickets!"

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Memoirs revisited..

2009-05-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone hates summer..it's one heck of a whore which manhandles you leaving you weighed down to ground sultry,the t-shirt sticking on to your body,all drenched in sweat,the sun shining and glazing at you sucking every remainder quantum of energy..and here at kerala,the kseb flaring up the heat with its powercut once in every hour..water shortage with an increased water requirement is a paradigm of this period.. With all those fingers crossed for at least a drizzling,there would be rain by the middle of the summer,emanating the fragrance of the fresh soil..

But for various reasons,i love summer..
Not the heat,
Not the mugginess..
Not the powercut..
But there was a time when i longed hard for the advent of summer..school days..and my summer vaccations..
It used to be like i live the whole year just for these 2 months of vaccation..The time when all we had to do was play play and play..well of course,the deep unperturbed slumber till about 9am..

With all those queer timings of my school which chose to synchronise with its north Indian peers,i always had to leave by 6.30,and so sleep was a valuable and rare commodity..

Mine being the ancestoral home,almost all of my cousins would report on time for the blast..Those were the days when i played cricket,I being one of those species close to extinction with the males dominating the numbers, i had no other way but to resort to these stupid outdoor games,stupid coz it woos me not anymore..

Thinking of summer,i'm reminded of mangoes,cards,carroms,and yeah multiplication tables!!Uh-huh!!that was the most vexating part..caligraphy and learning multiplication tables were madatory among the time pass when i was a kid..i used to try different ways to evade them,including trying to sleep before dad gets back from office,but i was always a bad fugitive..

Projects were the next pricks..We used to have class for a month during april and then left for the vaccations so that we don't essentially waste it out playing some crappy games,but utilise it effectively by doing the 'important' home works and projects to be submitted duely on reopening..Afterall who cares!

Summers remind me of my grandma's death..which i couldnt really mourn for at that time when the reality failed to sink in..

It reminds me of 3 birthdays,mine,my bro's and a cousins..Everything a party in itself..
The picnics we had to umpteen places with a batallion of my family,aunts,uncles,cousins..

Huh!
Summers bring up a gust of emotions and a gush of memories..sweet,sour,as well as bitter..

But even contemplating my eventful past on this dogs day,i swear at it,at the heat,at the sultriness when i had just bathed for about the 3rd time right now..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-'14

2009-05-16T04:01:00.001-07:00

Alright,so the curtains have almost risen..and the UPA is back with a bang proving them invincible..It definitely was a pathetic performance by the BJP especially when they had 5 long years to reach into the people..

But i guess,the parliament is gonna be a getto for the Gandhi family with all those family members getting elected!!

All the while,i totally rejoice at the shameful failure of the Left at West Bengal(not to mention Kerala),coz it had been their fort all these years fitting themselves into the cloud beyond the democratic process..At least we proved once again that everyone is bound to respect the prudence of the electorate(reminds me of Indira Gandhi and her failure after the Emergency)..

Despite all the hullabaloo of the Orissa riots,BJD still rankles at power,although ostensibly coz of the heave-ho given to the BJP..
Nithish and Modi sweeps their respective mandate!And these politicians at last realize that our political savvy is not for sale and efficient administration will no longer be left oblivious of!

Also,the way mafia don Mayawati was thrashed was just superb(of course not personally,but her monopoly has at least diminished)!Gotto see how many of those f***ing criminals got into power this time!
I did wish Chidambaram won,but it was just a hope hopen,or so i thought,until when he won in the recounting..

I dislike Manmohan Singh in all the reverential tone for his brains coz he is not a representative of the people..He gets into power through the back door(just like Shivraj Patil who stung to power for about 4.5yrs without having cleared a loksabha election! )..In spite of all that i wish him best of luck to take decisions without having to turn to Mrs.Gandhi everytime..

The most remarkable aspect about this elections is that 1)The already existent govt is empowered to carry on whatever developmental process was in the offing, 2)A particular alliance scoring least majority implies they become least dependent on all those parasitic mushrooms..

I wish UPA becomes free from blindly worshiping the Nehru family though,.it simply disrupts the democratic set up and reverts to dynastic succession!

With all the due respect and accolades to the chosen alliance,I wish them all the very best to carry out an outstanding governance..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-05-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Begum Noor Bhanu,"She is a woman i really respect and who's excellent in her job.If i were to act,I'm sure i cannot do it as good as she does.But she cannot do my job too.It would be good if she restrains to her job and me to mine!"

Begum Noor Bhanu,who is a scion of the Nawab Family of Uttar Pradesh,to Jayaprada,the sensuous bollywood actress contesting against her at Ramnagar..

PS:If i were to say,she couldn't have commented in a more dignified way,without being the least insolent!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-05-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Withdrawn..
Reclusive..
Lonely..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Me..Myself..

2009-05-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

I'm cringing and shrinking into myself these days..not being introvert..not being self-centered..but some kind of inertia holding me tight within the clutches of loneliness..kinda resorting to insightful introspection..

What do i have to muse so much about?I had never been a complex character to be dug and dissected..My life has always been simple enough to be cracked with an average savvy..But i'm switched into a thinking mode for pretty long..Trying desperately to topple it..but flunking each time..

I'm no more interested in hang outs,not in movies,not in parties,.Life is turning out to be a hide and seek with me choosing to hide each time..There are those rejected phone calls and unanswered messages and neglected chats..

Perhaps the new twists and turns in my life and the inevitable bafflement is all responsible for my state of mind..
Perhaps the advent of a new serious life plays the magic..

Reasons apart..
I have become all alone..
Perhaps not alone..but trailing from a sucking loneliness to the genial solitude..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Burlesque!

2009-05-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

I'm increasingly losing my faith,which was otherwise staunch,in our judiciary..especially beholding the Kasab trial which has become an utter farce..With people like Afsal Guru enjoying the whiff of freedom even after masterminding the attack on our prime-most institution,I'm afraid if there's ever gonna be a fair verdict..Although the trial resembles that of Saddam Hussein at times,i doubt if we have that kind of a conviction to see the guilty,punished..And it simply makes me feel that Indian Judiciary is an 'ass'..

Justice Delayed is Justice Denied..
We dare not overlook the innocent civilians who were haunted to death on 26/11..neither can we be flippant about the martyrs who gave up their lives to defend the country..5 months since the attack and if there's gonna be any further ado in a fair judgement,it would have serious ramifications and the cost we would have to pay will not be small..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Redeem India !!!

2009-05-07T04:17:00.000-07:00

The fourth among the five phases of elections'09 is at last done with today!Yet another one as far as i'm concerned coz it didn't really make much difference to me than the 2004 one,but that if i was not rightfully eligible to be part of the electoral process then,i decently denied it this time!The Polling percentage being just around 50% in most cities explicitly shows the lack of faith in the democratic set up for the youth.

Despite holding accolades for the best democratic set up from all over the globe,why do we have such internal unrest?Why does every single literate have that kind of an aversion to politics,to governance,to even casting their votes!?

Ain't this video incomplete?
Alright,setting benchmark for the candidate's educational credentials,work experience is all unavoidable yet brazenly ignored stuffs..But as far as an ever 'developing country' as India is concerned,the mandatory aspect has to be made the criminal background.How many among the 545 MPs have a clean chit when it comes to a background check?If not having served a sentence,most have at least been charged guilty firsthand,although the highly corrupt investigative forces as well as judiciary chisled them guiltless in most cases.

Isn't politics becoming increasingly a refuge to the fugitives and criminals?If 14th LS had 120 criminal MP's,I'm afraid if the no: is spiraling with every term of governance..If almost every MP had at least corruption charges against them,it was blanching to see someone like Shibu Soren who has gala time in and out of the prison for serious crimes,woo the UPA with his 5 MP's,all convicted for crimes.

With Sanjay Dutt,who has allegedly been part of the Mumbai twin-blast of the '90's,Dhananjay Singh,the mafia leader from UP,being some of the most prominent ones,2009 is not gonna be any better to 2004..

If this situation persists,the acme of Indian democracy is gonna be filled with the worst of all the gangsters,who has no adherance to the responsibility of safeguarding a layman's interest or protection..If this is gonna be the case,who's gonna scratch the head if more of 26/11 recurs?

If we,who have the history of gratifying the murderers and assassins like,Phoolan devi,Pappu Yadav,Sheikh Shahabbudin,do not redeem,are gonna portray ourselves with a group of illiterate schmucks and the mafia in the power centre,even while advancing for the status of global power!

When we have a situation when we cannot even dream of being a govt servant with a charge of an offence,even a fake one,and when we have a situation when we are offered the pink slip on being proved guilty,we have no such regulations when it comes to politics.How fair is that??

Isn't it high time we adopt a system as in the US where only those who've served the military gain the candidature?Isn't it high time we set an academic threshold?Isn't it high time we conduct pre-electoral debates to measure how well a candidate would serve the citizens' needs?

Isn't it time for a change??Isn't it time we stop resorting to the "Shut up and Vote" strategy and make ourselves heard????

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-05-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

My friends are all dating accidents these days..(i would be inviting a hara-kiri if i mentioned the names!)
Wonder why they have such a poor choice when it comes to going out.. :P
Some of them even have those aberrations,contusions,bruises etc..
The discolouration in PV's cheek had been positive coz he's developed being fairer that way,but unfortunately only on one side.. may be he could apply Fair and Handsome on the other cheek selectively for some 2 weeks to have a uniform texture..
Ms._ is ok now i guess though she had puked even most of her intestinal fluids,out of shock or whatever :P

I wish they all get well soon..(to have another fresh date :P!)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-05-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

Let us imagine a bidirectional buffer for which You and I serve as the input and output..
C'mon,it's neither a voltage nor current buffer..but the one which keeps track of the vexatious signals being transmitted..
The status flag indicates which of the two users are active..let's say me now..
The directional flag when set transmits the signal from left to right,i.e from me to you..
The receive_rdy flag(active high) indicates if the other user aka you are ready to receive..
Now that the ambiance is all set for a successful transmission,i start irritating you..
The receive buffer in the receptive side indicates if you are totally god-damned or you have the fortitude and stoicism to bear more..
Once your receive buffer is full,the signals do not get transmitted any more..

The reverse happens too when all the flags are in the vice-verse condition..

From the description it has to be obviously clear that there's no full-duplex transmission..Only either of us dominate the irking..

PS:Humans with XY have the knack to irritate others.. and the ones with XX have whining dominating their repertoire..So there's less of signal transmission when the users in question are of the same gender..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Helplessness..Frustration..Aggression!

2009-04-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

Elections is still in the air..With the 3rd phase of elections yet to come,and the campaigns officially wound up today,the hot discourses are at every nook and corner about who's gonna snatch the power center..

Power lobby is still obscure..but i feel the fidelity to one's own ideologies is not seen anywhere..It's been more or less like,what theory to oppose,and not about which to uphold..
The one believing in atheism finds it comfortable to pair up with a religious fanatic to oppose another of the kind..The one ostensibly upholding secularism,furtively or explicitly in many occasions,support the evangelists..The saffrons had at least proclaimed what they are upto..

Whats even more queer is the way they entice people..especially the regional ones..
The one striking a chord right now is the colourful offer of colour tv to all by none other than,TDP,the party with the leader,who i once considered legendary,for the kind of tech development he brought forth in hyd,Chandra Babu Naidu, lest it comes to power..huh,atrocious!

The scenes of people suffering with just one tube-well for about a 200 villages with people having to walk miles for a drop of water,with people having to look at the electric lines criss-crossing over them to the nearby areas with them left in the darkness,with the people still looking up to a glimmer of hope despite bearing viciously broken promises, were all some of the disturbing aspects revealing our inefficiency to bring justice to the society..

Another of those ploys had been Karunanidhi's brazen abettal to Prabhakaran,the notorious LTTE leader..It would have been far better if he restricted himself to just the plea to help the tormented tamil citizens of lanka..instead,prabhakaran became his closest friend in the press meets..Relentlessly savoring his linguistic spirit,he's even started a hunger-strike for what i still don't understand..what can an external power,India,do in the internal affairs of lanka??

Karunanidhi is not the only one to blame though..'It would be bloodbath if something happens to Prabha.',Vaiko,who had earlier been convicted under POTA, intended to dodge a hero image it seems..

Mentioning about the support of our politicians to LTTE reminds me of the terror and guirrilla warfare instigated by the ULFA in Assam and the north-eastern frontiers..The mongolians are so much neglected and denied even the most basic of all the amienities..without a proper transportation,without due concern about the education in the area,with those peace keeping CRPF raping and molesting the helpless ladies in the area,they are tormented and haunted too.. But does that ratify the existence of ULFA? Did we really accolade their ventures of detonations and explosions last year to bring Assam into lime light last year??If it's the negligence faced by the tamil lankans thats sticking hard in our Adam's apple,what do we have to say about those faced by our own people??If we are not fit to ply our trade effortlessly,how on earth do we mind others'?

The lost faith in this system restrained me from exercising the franchise..i don't really regret,for i don't think there's anyone who's fit enough so that i would vote without remorse..As mentioned in a movie,every single occupation in the country has upgraded itself in due course,..with teaching requiring an M.Phill, a doctor requiring an MD or FRCS or whatever,with an engr requiring anything more than a B.Tech,the only occupation that remains cold to upgradation and retirement is politics,which must be the most important of all the jobs,that require real efforts to manage a nation flawlessly..Without a revolutionary change in the society as well as the perspective of the people,nothing is gonna be any better.. I know things are better said..i know i was just being another faggot who shirked the responsibility,..but i found no other go..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-04-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

To all those who stop by to honor my blog..
I turned 21 today.. :)

PS:Howsoever i try,the date in the post still remains to be 27th april..but my bday is 28th :D..

2009-04-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

Come what may..
Smile..
An everlasting one..
And that..
Would bring you near to me..

PS:It wouldn't be a random co-incidence if you remembered Boyzone right now.. :D

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-04-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

We met to part..
N we part never to meet again..
Did you push off to peace?
Or did u to push us into the never ending bedlam?
You cried to bring with you laughter..
And you laugh to take with you our tears..
Rest In Peace..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Chaos Theory!

2009-04-14T12:52:00.001-07:00

The electoral race is in the full throttle..and yet another puppet show is in the offing.. Man decides his destiny,but it's been long since destiny slipped out of our grip..

Election '09 can be broadly termed a Manmohan vs Advani bout..
On retrospection,in spite of all the fuss about a foreign woman driven chaotic organization,the congress still managed to concoct the UPA and evade the harangue by appointing Dr.Manmohan Singh as the PM and retaining Sonia as the UPA chairperson.. Despite having a clear and powerful 'desi' leadership,'India shines' enticement opera,and the candid Hindutva ideology,NDA made a very poor performance in 2004.. And to everyone's surprise, the Leftist groups shone with a considerably larger no: of seats,still denying the offer for power sharing with UPA..

In five years,there were hurricanes and storms around the country..there were those terror attacks,high inflation,economic crisis,recession,and a lot more which filled the priority among all the snags for every layman.. And performance of the new leader,Dr.Manmohan had been under scrutiny ever since..

Presently,the question that rings in every voter's mind is whether to go for the efficient manager in Manmohan or the flamboyant leader in Advani..
A manager follows,obeys,and runs a system efficiently..He runs a mandate rather than ruling an empire.. But a leader woos people to follow him and trust him..he doesnt remain an orderly but orders..

Every time Manmohan turns over his shoulders to speak in public,he just impresses further that he's just being an obedient servant,obviously to some master who is not 'the people'..And what is needed of a leader is definitely oration and not soft skills..
Winston Churchill is still regarded a great leader not coz he was efficient,knowledgeable or a scholar,but of his dexterous bombast with which he just forced people to throng to and die for him!Every single leader that we cherish,Gandhi,Roosevelt,Lincoln,Vivekananda,glistened not with the academic brilliance or managerial abilities but with the powerful magical words!And i'm sorry to say my dear Manmohan ji,you simply suck in being 'the' man that India needs right now!What we need is not a technocrat who's rational but the pacesetter who empathizes with his followers.."I'm a politician by accident!"-Manmohanji,accidents are seldom pleasent..with this accident,we lost an efficient beurocrat to an inefficient politician!
I'm not sure how it will be if he were the PM,but Chidambaram is a hopeful choice in the lot..

So is that Advani who we ought to choose?I swear i didn't mean that!I definitely don't acquiesce of the fanatic frantic hindutva..But without doubt,he is a leader..If he's fit enough to lead in the 'right' direction is still a question coz therez still no guarantee that a 1992 wouldn't play again..But i don't consider him any worse to the criminals like Shibu Soren who managed to govern despite the case still in the court bench..
But for he is an effing bigot,Narendra Modi is an excellent leader in my opinion..the kind of industrial progress that Gujarat gained in the past few years is just beyond compare and glints from the Nano Project!

Not that we just have a Manmohan or an Advani..it seems we have another slot to fill in the impending days..the third front seems to be busy settling down at a single leader,the name often heard being Mayawaty who i personally dislike,or rather loathe for her stupidity,inefficiency and pomposity!"Nobody can stop me from being the PM"-dates back to a sem or so,..but how arrogant!One day we hear some regional party decides to leave the main stream and join the new alliance,the next day there's a contrast standoff!Even the alliance has not been fully framed..They join hands for nothing but the disadvantage of the common man!
May be Jayalalitha would make a good choice if she were to join the group..she might be corrupt and all,but the kind of efforts she made to bring Tamilnadu to the zenith demands real appraisal..

India is amid the bedlam in Pak,Afghan,Bangladesh,Lanka,..To flare them up,there's this border issues,terror clouts,unabating economic crisis,and a lot more..What we need right now is a stable central government to tackle any contingency and not a cooked up coalition!

The system is currently disordered..
Now just about a month left to figure out the underlying order in the apparently random data..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Tribute..

2009-04-03T22:33:00.000-07:00

The long awaited/anticipated end days of college life is finally at the doorstep.. Am i happy about it? I'm not quite sure..but definitely not glum.. I never loved my college..alright,there was a lull of attachment,but not a long-lasting one..just a deceiving impulse.. This was not where i wanted myself to end up in..but,i acquiesce Newton's laws, 'every action has an equal and opposite reaction'.. After all Shakespeare was not all wrong when he told,"Men at sometimes are the masters of their fate".. Hence i claim the culpability of my destiny..

There are some but for whom i wouldn't have got through the hell effortlessly.. I would never have remained cheerful but for them..

Shini,my soul mate..the one who understands me with my nuances and silence..who listens my every rantings..Therez been more than a kinship with her which is adored even by her hubby(don't be surprised,she's married! :D).. love her loads.. :)

Sanam,.there's no shini and g3 without sanam..the trio in the class.. Not that i love her any less than shini,but sanam's is a diff relationship..not one of understanding and supporting..but of a companionship..not one of silence and understanding..but of shouts and laughters... ;)

Rameez,.my best friend ever..but for this guy,no one else accepts me the way i am..without prejudices or judgments..the one who's always supported me as best as he can..not that we never fought..but either of us was always ready to give up and reconcile..not that we never had misunderstandings,but just as the word says,it always ended in a better understanding.. :)

Akhil,.my younger bro(or as he says,by 3 days! :D)..not that we had been friends all the 4yrs..but a year..but best of all the relations are not sour grapes that take long to become sweet wine..the Illuminati,who keeps enlightening me in troubles..every time i run into mire,he's been there to pull me out of it.. :D

Jishin,.someone,who has not been the usual friend who helps,supports or anything of the sort..not the one who shares hang-outs with you..but the kind of sisterly affection i have from her is just too warm..the one who keeps me motivating saying i still have loads of my potential rusting(how lame!!)..the one who always comes up with tensions for me to give solace.. ;)

Pratap,.my first ever friend in the college..been quite a very very good friend since the very beginning.."friendship at first talk" or something of the like..he's the one with whom i fight at least once every year,keep out of contact for say 1 month or so just for a kick-ass high-five and cheers after that..

"___",.(name left obscure due to security reasons :D)..once my closest friend..sometimes more than a mere friend,a teacher,a brother,a guardian..who later sabotaged my friendship just coz his gf doubted our relation and issued a memorandum to end the relation,despite the 7 inch height diff bet us,me being taller.. :D..the most traumatic incident in my experiences with friends..

But for these people,my life would never have been this wonderful.. But for them i would still have been the old recluse who hated every monday for the same reason as tom sawyer..

Love you guys a lot... :)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Final Sem..

2009-04-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

Final sem has been one heck of a torture,i should say..don't just misunderstand me..it's just the academic shits i'm talking about..

With all those mundane subjects and the trashy lectures in the hell-hole of my final year classroom which is worse than a blast furnace even during non-summer days,every single day has become tormenting.. Even the thought of staying in the class effs..

Not that we never had any prosaic papers before..
Chemi in the first year,SSD in S3,Instrumentation in S5,Power Electronics and CS in S6,CCN in S7..(was that all ;),i thought there were more :D) were all frigging bore.. But never did we have a sem that had not even a single exciting paper as maths or mechanics or information theory or signal processing.. All the five of them competing with each other to prove the biggest junkie theoretical one..

With MET topping the list,others are no less behind.. Stuffs about etching and masking and developing and bull shits... chemi formulae and quantity specifications.. uh-huh.. to add to the pain,my ma'am is so well talented that she doesn't really synchronize with the imbeciles staring at her..she just keeps on stuffing the info so hard and we duffers keep resisting them,not deliberately though.. :D
CSS is no less a humdrum one..switching circuits are not that bad,i agree..but it becomes one when taught by someone who just keeps ornating the circuits on the board and spell out some bunkum stuffs over n over again..
WMC,DSPC and TV may not be that enthralling,but not that bogus as the ther two.. In fact it's highly hilarious to be in TV hour enjoying ma'am's lectures with her great malappuram accent of 'bechu','baranu','bannitt'..more than that,she doesn't produce the 'k' sound and color television becomes 'tolour television' and echo signal becomes 'etho signal'..

The classroom has been worse than hell..i wonder if MTV roadies would shift their location to our class for their hell-down under.. Every single day ends up in one or two bunking hours.. Attendance at an all time low.. After so much of pain-staking efforts to raise my attendance,i worked ardently not to bunk last week and crossed the threshold of 80%..

The last month of my b.tech saga.. Although the thought of a blunt end without any cheers or high-fives is poignant,the thought of getting out of this classroom keeps me praying for April to end soon.. :D

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Love..

2009-04-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

It's the stark differences and the beautiful compatibility to each other that makes love wonderful..
Love is so very mundane when you pair with a similar person as you..
It becomes exciting when both are at odds and yet couple so interestingly as in a ball and socket joint..
Unlike poles always attract.. :)

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-03-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm so very mesmerized by the different kind of talents in each person..
And I'm even more carried away by how beautiful people are.. never noticed people were all this gorgeous..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Excruciating Advices..

2009-03-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

In life,everything comes with a cost..
You love someone,they love back..
You help someone,they help back..
You smile at someone,they smile back..
You talk to someone,they talk back..
Everything happens either for a price or for an exchange..

The one and only thing that you get absolutely free of cost and at any goddamn hour is advices..and that's the most excruciating stuff one can ever bear with..

Be that's a family get-together or a community gathering or a public function or a mere visit,the oldies are always excited to give unsolicited tormenting advices to the younger immature ones of the breed.. Be that's about marriage,conduct,eating,sleeping,bathing,shitting,peeing,..they never run short of these gibberish.. And the unwritten code of conduct is,the younger follows the elder.. So there's no other go but to be silent..

The story doesn't end there.. The added agony is the kind of response they have to be presented with.. A smile infused listening would provoke a 'stop smiling and start acting' comment.A smug or smirk implies an 'insolent brat'.. Worse,a retaliating comment would invoke an 'arrogant urchin' remark..

I had always felt like asking them to ply their trade..There are better ways to punish someone than to make them listen to all such crappy blabbers.. But i'm sober enough to know that would lead to a court-marshal.. So i remain a very obedient child in the family..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

A trip in the offing ;)

2009-03-23T00:28:00.000-07:00

God knows how things are gonna turn out!

2009-03-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

There are occasions in life when the people you love the most turn out to be worse than a mere stranger..
Your judgment,your hope,your expectations,all turning out to be delusions..
But even then,,
What's incredibly ironical is that you still love them unconditionally..
It's that unrestricted love,care and concern which is the beauty of friendship..
Which binds us together forever..
Friendship is not about being there for each other always..
Never about being impeccable..
But about understanding and forgiving..
A time apart doesn't break a friendship..
But makes the excitement of reuniting, overwhelming..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-03-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

Feminism is not about approving any shits that an estrogen bearing human does..
It's about appreciating the strengths of a female and accepting the obvious limitations..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Catfights..

2009-03-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

I was surprised,amused,baffled,aghast,blah blah blah,when Ms.J messaged me that day.. Actually,it was more than a mere co-incidence coz i was terribly out of mood that day and wanted to spill my problems to get relieved,but as my fone was in one of it's worst phase of financial crisis and since the bailout offered were not exactly liquid,i couldnt make it to call her..but she had remembered me then..i felt happy about the mindedness..

I was back to my room after a frugal dinner..and took up the mobile with zero interest..HUH!Ms.J has messaged me!!(???)
"You nasty )(&^%*&$&#.. You know what,I hate you"!!!!WTF!i read it again,again,then again until i was sure i didnt skip a smiley or a jest in between..nope,there was none..she was serious.. Well,the content was a jest in itself for all the rants were about me not commenting or at least keeping track of her blog but 'her' friend's!OMG!

But for i was in a very vile mood,i would've laughed it off..but i weren't sober enough for that,and i replied,"Sorry yaar,may be i skipped one or two posts!"

I waited for like some 10min for a pleasent response..there was none.. and since i had to inform some stuffs,i rang her up and told the matter..but again,the response was cold and i said "i'm sorry yaar,right now i'm totally f***d up..don't piss me more.i've low balance,we'll talk later" and hung up..

In less than 5min,there comes a message,"Running out of balance doesn't mean u can be rude with anyone!"

Damn..i cursed every single thing around.I cursed the day.I cursed the blogger community.I cursed her creativity.I cursed her narcissism.

I slept off soon..may be coz it was a hard long day..may be coz of the tiff..may be coz i was genuinely sleepy..

I rang her up again after a bloody recharge..pleasent response,huh!or was that my hallucination?? well..the talk went on well..

And evening,i signed in.. BUZZZ... Ms.J pings me.. "Man,i'm really sorry about the way i behaved..it was damn childish..just forget it.."

Duh!!
So there it comes,the train of apologies,followed by 15yr old nostalgia of fights and reunions..
God!
Then i truly felt,it was nice having fights once in a while to reunite and feel the affection..just to remind each other that somewhere inside,we are still kids.. :D

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

2009-03-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

I don't give a damn if my guy is bald..
But i definitely do mind if he gets on a wig to patch it up..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Hilarious..

2009-02-16T05:56:00.000-08:00

At first when i heard the creaking sound,i thought it might be the stupid rat..I'm bestowed with so much blessings as to host all these poor beings for my house is pretty antique! I concentrated as to find where my dear guest was busy at work..Aah,Divine revelation!It was my brother snoring..nap gives way to deep slumber it seems..huh! I was busy with the chores,poor me,the servant had not turned up..
In fact,i was startled when i heard Karthik yelling,"Ravi,..Raviii,..Raviiiiiii...wake up man..wake up..Your friend's mom is on phone.." Wow,Hats off to my ears,..i didn't even hear the phone ringing.!
"I know you are fooling me,..there's no one as my friend's mom on hold..i wanna sleep dog,.leave me alone!!",my brother seems to be tooo sober even at sleep..
"No man,it's akhil's mom,she says,..",to this Ravi woke up..Akhil is Ravi's bestfriend..

"Hello aunty,.sorry,i was asleep.. Whats the matter?"
...
.....Karthik was equally baffled as i were as we couldn't evesdrop the conversation at the other end.. But we figured out that Akhil's mom was quite disappointed by her son's performance in the preboards(quite natural!..)..and he seems to act quite weird these days..He even did the grave mistake of having a shave when he was let to the barber shop to have a haircut..(Grave indeed!)..Well,even now we couldn't hear the conversation full duplex..but luckily my bro repeating every single word his pal's mom was ranting..of course in an exaggerated tone..!

"Aunty,there's nothing wrong with akhil's friends(of course becoz he happens to be one)..Just that he's still not serious..Guess what Alexander sir told us,(Alexander Sir refers to Alexander Jacob,IPS,who quite often bestows KV students with his speeches!!!)..it's promisingly effective to study at 3-6am..that too facing the east!And efficiency increases by 25% if we have a cadburrys every half an hour..even while writing the exam(Smallest cadburrys dairy milk costs Rs2..One every half an hour implies 6 chocolates for a single exam..likewise 5 exams,.so altogether at least Rs60 for the whole pre-board!..i quickly calculated..I strongly doubted if Mr.Alexander Jacob earned commission from all those chocolate companies..)If possible give him enough shoves and nudges,that's what my dad does if i disobey(What a wonderful child,..i remembered all those moments when he darted into my room raving when he was scolded,not exactly beaten up by dad!)You'll definitely see a positive change in him..and if all these still doesn't work,try to do some Vidyamuttu at Paramekkavu temple..god save him then.!!(Vidyamuttu was an offering to godess to help overcome all the barricades in studies..never knew before that my bro was good at all these stuffs!)

Karthik and I exchanged confused or amused or astonished looks..Poor akhil's mom,..she rang up to ask what was wrong with her child just to find the whole mob was idiotic!!She lost all her money and half an hour time just to hear the musings of a sleepy bluff..!!!And at last,my brother was looking at us,explicitly seeming to be proud about his train of advices!!WTH..lool...!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Egalitarianism..

2008-12-10T04:25:00.000-08:00

I was in search of a textbook and was goosing around the library for about half an hour and at last i found a fresh copy of the stuff.."A thing of beauty is a joy forever",Keats,..i apologise for the flaws in recalling his words.. Still,beauty of the books is always my weakness..i love books that are neat and fresh,..less tampered.. So obviously i went to pick the book,..gosh!the cupboard was locked..I was confused,for thats not the usual practice in the library.. On enquiry,i understood that it was the book bank or in other words,the bunch of fresh,important and 'rarely available' ones,reserved for the reserved category or the so called people who needs a plethora of upliftment to get into the main stream!..And hence they are locked to keep 'em away from the vulturous seizure by the unreserved guys who dodged the occupancy of the mainstream..!I was naturally frustrated..rather petulant,.for that was not something which i could change.. I, like many others, am bound to adapt to the situation and be at the compromising end till i'm buried.. God knows if my burial ground will also be subject to reservation!

In the present state of affairs,i loathe Mr.B.R.Ambedkar,coz but for him,there wouldn't have been a room for reservation in the Indian constitution..I should be a bit more sensible right?I apologise again.!

Well,1950=!2008..and everyone do know that.. India has striven hard to attain this global status of an upcoming world power..and it did cost a lot of painstaking efforts by the umpteen no: of valuable Indian Brains..1946-47 is the most unforgettable period in Indian History.. Firstly becoz,it was a period when we realised the long awaited poorna swaraj.. Secondly becoz,we witnessed the worst of all communal riots that the country has ever had,and which resulted in utter chaos,bedlam and obliteration everywhere.. Partition did solve the problems for a while and there was peace and tranquility.. and we were set to become a Republic..

To develop into a self reliant nation from the ruins of a 200year old foreign occupation was never a task to be belittled..The vast majority of the population was utterly illiterate..and caste system prevailed in every nook and corners of the society..Thus to educate and yank to the mainstream the people who were subjugated by the upper class who were then powerful financially as well as schooling,reservation was inevitable.. When the trampled lower castes were unaware of the importance of education,they had to be dragged forcibly by reserving a fixed no: of seats.. Past is past,and we have labored a long way to success..

We are about to celeberate our 58th anniversary of being a republic in less than 2 months,and what exactly have we achieved?Democracy is a system where people are all treated equally irrespective of caste creed sex and race..Secularism is a set up where people are all given equal regard and respect irrescpective of the faith they practice.. How long have we achieved these goals on which our very constitution is framed?

India developed a lot in the 58yrs..and so did the then under developed scheduled castes and tribes..None of us would ever forget our ex-President,Late Sri.K.R.Narayanan,who belongs to a scheduled caste..We find them in the zenith of every stream in our day to day life.. We see them in the form of doctors,engineers,bureaucrats,politicians,bankers,enterpreneurs,and what not..In these 58yrs,although there were a lot of amendments in the constitution,all that was done about the reservation was an aggravation but not an alleviation of the already profuse one.. We still come across discussions to increase the reservation level and introduce them in the paramount institutions like AIIMS,IIT,IIM,...It is true that there is still a section of the society that is left untouched in this development spree.. But we've crossed the stage where reservation would do any good to them.. There are a lot of tribal people in the suburbs of various states who are aware of neither their right to the reserved seats,nor the importance of being enlightened..The tribal communities in the north eastern provinces are still totally neglected.. All that reservation does is to transform these guys from being backward illiterates to backward literates.. Their morale and calibre(if at all they have) is hence totally destroyed.. Who would prefer to go to a doctor,to risk one's life, who's educated and employed out of reservation?

Reservation is no more a stuff to be introduced in higher education or employment strata,but as a means to provide access to better schooling and hence a strong foundation to literacy.. Entry to colleges must be strictly based on merit,compromising which would imply compromising the quality of indian education.. and if at all promotion of education among the SCs is intended,it has to be through providing financial aids to the poor but merited students.. Now you may ask how does a child of assam or mizoram get access to international schooling and compete with the affluent lot..That's not a snag solvable in a short term.. We need to enhance the education program,introduce new schools at the backward 'areas'.. We can't show our backs to one section of the society and abandon them in our journey.. When we develop,we've the moral responsibility to see that our fellow men develop too..We can never develop as a whole without checking every section of the society take part in it..

We had a time when the harijans were not even allowed to face a brahmin.. Then we had a time,when they were just not allowed into temples.. Then we had a time when they were not granted rights to own a property.. Again,change is the only thing that doesnt change and hence all these changed.. We have arrived at a stage when no one asks you what caste you belong to.. Life is moving at an ever fast pace now and anyone has hardly anytime or concern to stop to ask what was the occupation of one's ancestors..When society comes forward to accept a progressive change,it is the moral responsibility of the state to ensure that there is no more any sorts of discrimination(positive or negative) based on caste or creed.. Faith must be a personal affair and not a yardstick for political mileage..

Recently we witnessed a phenomenal event in the History of America,and that was nothing but the spectacular victory of Barrack Obama,who thereon becomes the first afro-american president of the US.. It depicted the changing perspective of the young generation of not just the US but the globe as a whole.. When a community which was once the slave of the white men,finds their sport fit enough to rule the world,why not we accept a similar change here as well and consider everyone as equals.. Afterall,the goal of complete secularism can be achieved only if there's equality without minority appeasement in a society..

Wishing desperately for a 'reservationless' nation..

Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~

Souvenirs..

2008-12-09T00:18:00.000-08:00

We were up for the betrothal of our friend's brother..

It was a pleasent surprise when Surya suddenly rang me up a day to say i should show up for her bro's engagement the next day..

Usually i hate going for wedding functions..there would always be a flurry of activities going on,ladies moving around as mobile jewellery shops,men having forty winks or boring politics..the bride and groom on the dias as stuffs in the mueseum waiting for the guests to wish them..people at the reception desk ostensibly too eager to host us..

So when Surya called me,my instinctual answer was a 'I'll try' or a euphemism for 'sorry,i wouldnt be coming'..But for some reasons,i fought the urge and said,ok,i'll come..

I rang up aswathy,and all she said was,yaar we'll go.. late in the evening joe and anu called too,just to confirm we all go for that..

Well..it was not the betrothal or wedding that did matter us..but we just needed a reason to meet up.. and right from the dawn,phone calls were swarming in,planning and replanning what all to do that day,were to meet up,what else to be done..

Achu came to my home by 11..chandeliers dangling from her ears..lol..Dont scratch your head,but i've the right to mock her for there was none on my ears.."Man,you not ready yet?anu is gonna kick my ass..i've told to wait for us at 11.15"..rofl..reaching the town by 11.15..never..We thought it was better to ring her up.. "Anu,we will be a bit(?) late..well..may be some 10min.."..lol...we wouldn't even reach the close proximity in 10min,nevertheless,it was a good bait..Joe was late too..probably the earliest(!)huh!

Anyhow,we all reached the auditorium on time..prolly before time for not even the groom was ready..

We all rested our ass on the last row for we didnt actually turn up to see someone exchanging ring with someone but to goose around..

Memories started gusting in..12th std..man,i never knew school was this awesome until i got out of it..i never knew friends meant so much to me until i had to part with them..

In less than 10min Joe came up with Arjun and Arun.. and Antony and Jinto followed them..Among all these fellas,antony was the only one who was not seen for the past 3 yrs for he became an overseas sport who grew up into a hunk from a thin lean skeleton!

Lunch time you see..well,frankly enough everyone turned up only becoz there was a free buffet arranged!.. But no one did grow up to the expected standards..

Anu and i went to wash with antony..well,we actually followed him..there was no where a wash seen,and then we understood it was a toilet cum wash.. we forked out the way opposite his and was aghast to see a male symbol on the toilet door.. lol..i's not exactly lol but lmao..man,he actually entered a ladies toilet..rofl..he just turned around to see what was happening and suddenly bashed out..you gotto see his face..lol

We finished up our food and thought we would hang out somewhere and Joe suggested the Nehru Park..Not something like a Lal Bagh but the kind of a place where small kids play.. And the boys were close to kicking us for the great choice..Film was the next choice and so every one suggested 20-20..well,we didnt get a ticket for that!and the next option,KV!.."Man,today is sunday and all you would see is the school watchman snoring!"..someone hollered.

And at last we left for the vilangan hills which is a so called tourist spot(!) near our school.. The 2 hours we spent together was incredible i should say..one of the best of all days i had in recent past..the chit chats and schmoozes..teasing,joking,laughing,pulling each other's legs,..God!I really miss my school a lot..

School days are the golden times in one's life..Never do we realise it's value until we slip out of it..Neither did i..When i were at school,all i wanted was a bit of a peace from homeworks and exams..all i wanted was to grow up and be bestowed the freedom to move around..But now i desperately wish if i were back to that innocent world.. I really miss my school a lot..

We met to part and parted to meet again!

Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~

2008-Honor or Stigma..'?'

2008-12-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

2008 is trailing to its full stop..and on retrospection,i find it hard to generalise what kind of a year it was for us.

We were at the zenith when Abhinav Bindra brought home the first individual olympic gold when we were not even in the far proximity to a gold medal,let alone individual one after 1980..We were triumphant in the 20-20 world cup to not just to prove our mettle but to say that we are not the one to spar with.. Never has Viswanathan Anand brought us surprises,coz he promises only victory and hence his championship of 2008 was not a matter of astonishment..

2008 marked its glory in Indian history when She landed on moon being the 4th unmanned mission to be successful!

2008 was a year of great strategic improtance in the case of our foreign affairs,for although there was a lot of fuss about it,NUKE was for sure a matter of inexpicable importance for us not only as a better source of power but as a means to cement the relationship with the US (or in better words,to hob-nob with the world's strongest power!).. And of course,India is a world power and we don't exactly require a nuke to corroborate it.

4years of the 'unity' that the UPA carassed,suddenly seemed to have become calloused when the nuke was at stake and the tragic climax was the withdrawal of support by the left..But the Congress doesnt seemed to have given it a damn,for they managed to win the non-confidence move by appeasing Amar singh..

Economic crisis was yet another snag..not yet another,but the fiercest of all..But neither do we find a specific reason,nor do we find a specific course or solution to it.. Inflation reached its peak squeezing all the bourgeouis.. We saw stock markets tumbling down and closing abruptly,every now and then.. The abating inflation rates,the victory of Obama,non of them seemed to solve the pirroueting sensex crisis.. Still,these days,situation seems to thaw..

2008 was a year of terrifying terror strikes too.. Samjautha express, Hyderabad, Jaipur, Bangalore, Ahmedabad, New Delhi, Modasa, Malegaon, Kanpur, Imphal, Mumbai.. it was an era of terror and fright.. Among them,the attack on Mumbai was the most noted and unprecedented one in terms of its intensity,the modus operandi and the targets..It had been a general convention that the attack points are railway stations and bus stops,.or crowded markets or streets..May be for the first time ever the affluent bowl was made to stand face to face with the demons..Not just an air raid or a shelling,but a real war for more than 60hours..Although Assam was less noticed,it was struck hard too,.and for very brief time,the explosions did help to bring the neglected eastern province in the limelight!

No matter where,no matter how,no matter what kind of people..but terrorism clouted hard on everyone proving India is just not a world power,but a total imbecile when comes to intelligence and curbing terror.. As usual,the attack was followed by a series of resignations and reshuffling of the ministry,Shivraj Patil,Deshmukh,R.R.Patil,were all resigning although they did try a plethora of hare-brained justifications for their lapse..

"I did have some intelligence info but not a specific one..",Vilasrao Deshmukh(did he expect the terrorists to ring him up to say the exact time and location of the attack~!) ; "In big cities as Mumbai,such incidents are common",R.R.Patil(if this was the diminutive casual one,what in his yardsticks are the dire one?) ; "If it was not Sandeep's house,not even a dog will stop by your house!",Achuthananthan(such an unparliamentary comment!),were all some of the most stupid of all comments from the schmucky politicians..

In spite of all these barricades,life still moves on..with 22 days left to wind up 2008,the impending days are met with suspense and horror like Dan Brown's Angels and Demons..And more than ever our fortitude and rectitude is put to question.. "Arise,Awake and stop not till your goal is reached!"

Khuda Hafiz

~Gayathri~

Amour..

2008-10-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

But for you,
I would never have felt love.
If not for you,
I would never have endured rejection.
You drove me to the zenith,
and then plunged me into the abyss.

You were the tenor of my life..
The nub n pith of my existence..
And when you were gone,
it was not just you,
but my demure self,
my love n affection,
that left me.
Never did i ever know,
I could love someone so much..

It's not my smile,
but my facade that you see,
for you read the curve in my lips,
and not the tears in the squinted eyes..
Perhaps,I never showed,
in the fear of pricking you,
hurting you.

What you left in me,
was nothing but a black hole..
and i kept on digging myself into it,
in search of you,.
in search of my lost self..

I'm shuddered,
out of my reverie.
And all that is left with me,
is the shards of my dreams,
my hopes and euphoria..

Days passed..
Months passed..
Never did i find a day,
without your thoughts..
Never did i sleep a wink,
without you peeping in my dreams..
I was set to miss you a great deal,
but i miss you more than that,
for it's not just you,
but my self that i lost.

Never did i love and adore someone so much..
Never did i respect and admire someone so much..

Neither your absence,
nor your silence,
would bring me back my senses,
for,they are lost..
Lost forever..

Never did i love someone so much..
Never will i ever..

Disclaimer:This is nothing but crazy musings and is not bound to interrogation..!!

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Logjam..

2008-10-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

World is spinning in an unprecedented pace,.leaving everyone off-guard.. Technically speaking,it must have been like,the earth has stopped spinning,for spinning is what it does always..and it's the state of repose that brings about chaos on the globe..no atmosphere,no ambient environment,no magnetic field,..
I'm sorry,but geology is not my forte,.neither was my intention to blabber the geological gibberish..

Nevertheless,it is bedlam on the globe,.Every imaginable luke and corner of the earth seems to be shuddered in a pandemonium..The collapse of the financial giants of the US had been a blindsided ambush pelting hard on the continent..What is disgusting the most is the fact that the havoc is the ramifications of a sordid greed on the part of the fiscal monsters that boosted up the real-estate sector of the US resulting in every tom,dick and harry getting hold of a billion worth castle without a collateral security nor an income certificate or stable job even..And the most hilarious of all snippets is that,we see the emergence of a new creed of people in the US which are nothing but the home-less middle class who are bound to seek shelter in their cars or the like..

It wouldn't have been a matter of interest lest the crash was confined to the international policeman..unfortunately enough,it seems precariously contagious and has already tightened its paws in almost all parts of the world..The EU has made its share of collapse as well..

Owing to the fact that a major flake of our financial institutions are in the public sector,India could manage to squirm free from the claws of financial breakdown..yet,the sensex has been plummeting steadily.. Albeit the financial sector is still safe,the IT sector which concentrated on the services in the monetary sector has met with a head-on collision already leaving one hell of Indian Professionals jobless..

Letting apart the global affairs and getting back home,we find an even more discomfiting state of affairs..
The ever upheld tag of secularism and communal harmony of the nation is revealing itself to be a brittle and fragile shroud which could easily be disrupted..With all those communal tensions in Orissa between the Hindus and the Christians continuing relentlessly snatching and plundering the lives and even more precious aspects of the innocents,matters are worsening as it reaches a fork which is attributed to the proclamation of culpability of the assassination of a hindutva leader by the maoists and the staggering revelation of the fact that the culprits were not merely the materialistic maoists but those practicing christianity..

The communal tension flares up to set the dry forests of Assam on fire with the Bodos and the Muslims fighting,for what is still obscure to me..

When one part of the country is paralyzed with the communal tensions,there's yet another hemorrhage startling the nation which is nothing but the terrorist attacks..We had been quarried by the terrorists since early '90's although the attacks in Kashmir even before 90's were left unnoticed..But what's most effing is the fact that there's an escalating trend of Indian born and brought-up educated youth turning against the nation in the brand of a shadowy Indian Mujahuddeen,hierarchy of which is still veiled, for reasons of alienation or insecurity or injustice or some f***..vindications apart,effect remains the same..and till date they have proved themselves invincible in clouting the nation at the major cities and centers of economic development..It's unquestionable that the IM is not truly Desi,especially owing to the jihadi training for the pawns from Pakistan and the like..And it is still obscure if it is the ostensible reasons of alienation or insecurity which is spearheading the spiraling terrorism or the rising pro-American attitude or it is yet another jihadi ploy to bring about total havoc in the so-called upcoming world power..

Amid all these turmoil,and the unrelenting 12.something inflation rate that squeezes a layman,the UPA govt still makes it to the N-deal leaving the common mob still dubious about the state of India being at the receiving end of a one-sided contract..all we can do at this moment is to wait and see if it's gonna be a hasty decision bound to regret on retrospect..

In spite of the pandemonium across the globe,life still moves on..Zindegi Migzara..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Farce..

2008-09-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

Screeeecchhhhhhhh.......
Neyveli Railway Station welcomes you..

The train reached Neyveli at around 2am and the 3 guys got out.. They looked around to see that the station was almost deserted but for some track guards..
"We'll stay back at the waiting room till it's dawn..",someone enlightened others..

Three of them,Nithin aka nimo,Hasif aka kudu and Nitheesh,were set to Neyveli to enquire about their external project at NLC and fortunately enough they arrived the station at the most unearthly hour when even the stray dogs were deeply into sleeping..and they were obviously forced to wait till 6am to ring their patron,the one they are obliged to for securing the internship at NLC..

"Lemme slip into my nightdress and manage some sleep..",kudu was almost drained enough to hardly keep his eyes open..yeah of course,only hardcore nocturnals manage it quite well to keep awake at as early as 2am after a cumbersome journey..
"Heyy kudu,let's see if we can manage some coffee and check out the surroundings..hand us over the tickets and our college id in case somebody comes around smelling fish..",others interjected..and soon left out leaving kudu and the luggage back at the rest room..

Nimo and Nitheesh returned after a while with their coffee and soap and paste and whatever stuffs it was when they heard a familiar scream from the station master's cabin..
"Help..Help...two men..drunk..dragging me..trampling me..help please.."
Well,thoroughly discomfited and aghast,both of them ran to the cabin to see kudu blanched and confused,amid a gang of people obviously the RPF..

"What is the problem sir?",Nimo asked..

"Problema..??You wanna know what the problema..??I suppose he's your friend..This nitwit slapped me right on my face.. and for your kind information,i'm from the RPF..and we are having a hunch that you guys are terrorists,especially taking into account the islam background of this fellow..and don't you dare think that you guys could walk out of Neyveli as easily as u thought you would.."Someone,certainly not in uniforms,blustered out in a heavy tanglish(tamil+english) accent..for the sake of addressing,lets call mr.policeman as Muniyandi..

"WHAT???What kudu?What the hell did you do??"

"Man,i was sitting in the waiting room when these two drunk bastards came in and asked what i was upto and where my tickets were and all.. Why the heck should i answer some drunk schmucks??I said something and they started plundering our bag and that was when i tried to recapture it by slapping him on his face..and they trailed me here to say they were police officers in mufti.. What to do now??",kudu somehow managed to explain the state of affairs partly with the mallu and partly with the ITC lessons he had been taught so far..encrypting the words into symbols,binary or ternary or whatever and send the cue..

Perceiving the heat of the situation,nimo asked Mr.Muniyandi,"What should we do sir?"

"I can help you both..but i won't let go this man who buffeted me insolently.."

"Sir please,we are no felons or criminals or terrorists.. We are just engineering students and unfortunately enough we happened to land on Neyveli at this untimely hour,not to plan an explosion but to enquire about our internship.."

"Students..Ahuh.. Don't you guys keep track on day-to-day events?? The most deletirious explosions in the country lately had been carried out by students and that too by proffessional ones like you..",Mr.Muniyandi barked..

"We are sorry for his disdain sir..But it was a mistake..not a deliberate one.. Now please help us get out of the snag",Nitheesh pleaded like duh..

"Alright,you guys gotto pay a fine of Rs.750 and i'll let go off you both.."

"No sir,we 3 gotto be safe.."

"Pay me Rs.750 now.."
Reluctantly enough,someone handed him the 750 bucks..
"Ok..Now gimme 250 more.."

"What for sir?We'd already paid you the fine,right??"

"This is the official one and you gotto pay me the compensation for disregarding my position..Do you understand..?"

"Ok sir..But,could you please hand us back those 750 we gave,..We don't have any more change..We'll hand over a 1000Rs note instead."

It seemed like the olfactory glands of muniyandi was working too well to sense the presence of excess cash with his prey..and demanded another 250 for which the boys had no other go but to abide by..

And the boys somehow settled the issue,or so it seemed,when the singularly greedy schylock in muniyandi peeped out again waging for the mobile phone..
"But sir,..we'd already given you 1250..Why should we hand over a phone??"

"You rascals,..I can arrest you under POTA and keep you indefinitely for suspicion of terrorist links..You get me?Now you will handover the phone or not?"

Admitting the culpability of the situation,kudu handed over his phone..

"Alright guys,now you may go..Immediately leave the station,..Hire an auto and get back to the bus stand where you'll get the bus to your destination..Travel Safe.."

Being damn obedient,our heroes left the station parting with their 1250 pennies and a multimedia cellphone..and in 15min they were in the neyveli bus stand.. Figuring out a place to ensconce themselves and rest their ass,they went ahead..
In less than 10min of pandemonium,they noticed an auto scouting around and a familiar hideous mug getting out of it..
Mr.Muniyandi strikes again.!

"Heyy guys,..I'm sorry to say,but then things are no more under my control now..DGP wants to meet you guys and enquire personally.."

Smelling the avarice in his words,Nimo slapped back,"Sir,we have no more money in our possession..We've just enough money left to get back home.."

"Gimme a phone..lemme make a call to the DGP and ask if there's a way out.."
Gaining access to a phone,he dialed a no: and switched on the speaker mode just to vindicate his innocence in the matter..

"Hello sir..DGP sir,..the guys are innocent sir,they are just students..Can't we just let them go..?"
"No..i gotto enquire them..bring them here.."
"Sir please sir.."Muniyandi tried to sound genuine...
"Alright..Fire them enough so that they don't loiter around carelessly this way in their future.."
Strangely enough,the Mr.DGP at the other end of the call sounded not more than a 10th std literate who lacked the poise or dignity of a bureaucrat in his words..

"Do somebody wanna talk to him??"Mr.Muniyandi extended his substantiative bait..

"Lemme talk,.."Nimo took charge and started asking things dubiously in English,..partly because he was not well versed with the local dialect and apparently to test the genuineness of the prank..

To his surprise,..or rather more as expected,there was not even an angresi word that Mr.DGP could utter instead kept on humming and huh-ing..and soon the call ended..
"Anyhow,I'll let you guys go,but then i have another police-pal with me who gotto be treated as well.."
"Sir we told you,we have no money.."
"Make it to Rs.500"
"No sir"
"300?"
"We can manage 250 sir..not more.."
"Alright..gimme that.."
Handing over another 250,cursing all sorts of swear words in mallu with a smiling facade,the boys gasped for a bit of oxygen..
"Happy journey dear boys..You can be on-board the bus in half an hour..Bye.."

And there ended the eventful Neyveli expedition of the bankrupt engineers...

**This is nimo' version of narration..Nitheesh and kudu might have something more to add as well.. Readers,please pardon me for the flaws if any...

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Immanence..

2008-09-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

I looked at him for another glimpse..
Did i miss something..?
Did i see him breathe..?
Was he just sleeping or..?
I went back from the gate with a gust of emotions for another round of substantiation..to listen to his heartbeat.. just to see him respire..

"What brings you back from the gate daily?You forgot something?",mom asked..
"Nothing ma",i replied and embarked to my destination..
...
..
Yeah,he was subsisting.. Convinced,i went to school..
It was always discomfiting to check if my grandpa was really fine,the habit i honed since when i don't know.. It was not a mere pathological trepidation which ran through my mind.. But he was a heart patient who'd undergone two major cardiac arrests..

I'd always wondered if i really deserved someone like him.. He was Mr.Impeccable in my eyes. My teacher,my mentor,my friend,my guardian,and a hell lot more..someone who was revered in the community..
Since my granny's death at my age of 11,i had been my gramp's best pal..his companion for all the weirdest of ventures..be thats about spirituality or movies or cards or carroms,we savored each other's company..and we always had the best of all hang outs..(mostly to temples..lol)..but anything with him was fun..

I'd seen him whimper in pain asking me to pick his tablets for angina.. I'd seen him groan at midnight unable to sleep coz of the excruciating agony within.. I'd seen him fighting the cardiodynia with fortitude..and yet i never perceived them fully.. All i knew was the python was tightening its grip and asphyxiating him..

For all those who are not aware,Onam is the grandest festival of Kerala.. The time of joy and gaiety..
We being Tamil Brahmins,never celebrated it,for it was not our custom..
Grandpa was sick with fever and cough.. But then i was not perplexed for i was home 24hrs.. It was like everything in the universe waited for my nod for the tramples..

Life is like sinusoidal oscillations..it plummets into dolefulness the moment you think you are the happiest..at least that was what my mom always told me.. to be stand-offish to any kind of emotions,to both felicity or desolation.. But best of all lessons are easily preached than practiced..

Holidays are always fun you see,..We were all enjoying the festival with movies and family reunions.. And everytime i thought i was excessively happy,i looked around for him..as though he was my speed breaker..

Thiruvonam..
The most important day of the festival..
I got up pretty early and was amused to see grandpa wide awake..he never got up before it was dawn.. In spite of his fever and persisting sickness,he seemed happy.. It was after about 2-3days that he got up and walked around.. Talked pretty lot..

After a while,his face stretched..blood flushing out of the visage..
Tired,i thought..
He went and sat back on his bed..and asked for everyone to come around..
In a few seconds,he was sinking..i clouted on his chest hoping to reinvigorate the heart.. I clouted hard.. But there was no motion.. With a slim ray of hope,i went close..just to feel him breathe..he just fell sleepy,i told myself..i went close..
Did i miss something..?
Did i see him breathe..?
Was he just sleeping or..?
...
..
No.. This time,he was not subsisting.. This time luck was not my forte.. It was time for him to bid farewell.. I realized.. He was gone.. Gone forever.. No more jokes.. No more cards.. No more carroms.. No more fun... No more grandpa.. I couldn't cry for the pain was not subsidable by a shed of tears.. But yet,i felt more or less paralyzed.. A part of me was gone forever.. waging good bye for eternal sleep..

I never made the most ideal grandchild..i never even tried being one.. I made my own share of mistakes.. And i always enjoyed being rebellious.. I never looked around to see how painful my actions were to others..

Tomorrow is my grandpa's 6th death anniversary..
It's been long 2191days since i was left alone..
I always feel his protective shroud around me..his soul happily watching me over my success and anxiously grimacing over my failures..

Grandpa,for all my sins,i sincerely plead your pardon.. and i just wanted to tell you that i love you immensely and the gravity by which i miss you is something i fail to articulate...

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Petulance..

2008-09-09T09:43:00.000-07:00

"Is this the time to get up,you lazy bum???Sleeping till the sun gets on to the head and then loafing around..!God knows what you are gonna do once you get married..!",that's nothing but my wake up call..

Well,if you were thinking what this fuss was all about,I slept till 8.43am(a better way to say slept till 9) and mumbled back to mom as though she woke me up early in the dawn at some 4'o clock..

"Can't you please let me sleep for some more time mom,i went to bed very late yesterday, you see.."
"What????I let you sleep like hell and no more grumbles will be tolerated! Just because you are having a holiday doesn't give you a license to sleep your ass off..Get up.."

Getting up early (at 6am..nerds and other non-nocturnal homeotherms,please bear the atrocity!) and spiffying up has become a need of the hour to keep myself going, with the never ending journey of acquiring knowledge and wisdom[:D] since when i don't know.. So it's quite obvious i sleep till early noon than early morning in holidays.. At least holidays are meant for mental and physical dormancy..and it would have been a penalizable offense on the doomsday if one was caught red-handed of dereliction of duty to repose on a holiday.. And i certainly didn't want to be quarried for that and so took immense care about it..

"Can't you get up early and help your mom in household?Do you think you are still in kindergarten to be on the prowl always??",added agony you see,dad was waiting downstairs to holler at me as well.. It's always a matter of inexplicable pleasure to join someone in bellows.. I looked around furtively to find my brother(although he's younger to me by 1830days,that's 5 years and 4 days precisely) floating on slumber..(discrimination against girl-child is a punishable offense!)

"Do you think you can do the same once you are with your mother-in-law?She'll kick your butt out if you slept till 10 and got up to ask bed-coffee..",mom didn't seem relented..

Nevertheless,the monologue ended as i went to attend the most important calls..of course you know whose..

But how is it that girls and boys have frigging different etiquette?Howsoever people tend to nudge away conservatism,some things never change you see.. Now you may think i shirk from my responsibilities for an easy life and whine like a loafer.. Not really,for i do satisfy all the yardsticks of a good Indian spinster or a wife in the future or whatever..Thanks to my mom again..

Nakheenam cha nadeenam cha shringeenam shastrapaaninam
Vishwaso naiva karthavya sthreeshu rajakuleshu cha..

Don't ever trust the beasts with claws or sharp horns,rivers,the armed persons,women and the members of royal families.

Courtesy to Mr.Chanakya,for he provided me the above verses from his legendary work,Chanakya Neeti,the set of protocols,to be followed lest you savor the thought of being a successful and revered personality.. (Explicitly telling us that he didn't even trust his mom,let alone his wife, if ever he had any)..I didn't intend to bitch about him,but then i just wanted to state the irrevocable attitude of men and the society towards women since ages..

I do acquiesce that women are different from men and have a hell lot of limitations..but then these restrictions doesn't imply a subordinate status in the society..when something or someone is precious enough,it is quite obvious to demand a careful manoeuvre..we don't handgrip 1000rs notes as often as 10rs ones right?And apart from this bradykinesis what other stark pros do these Herr's have on the Donna's??

Although we do see a lot of apparent changes in the cities in the attitude towards females,the society is still driven by male chauvinistic pigs..

When girls sleep till 10 it means they are crossing the limits,and when boys do,they are just relaxing after a week's strenuous labor..
When girls hang out on all holidays they are being less homely,and when boys do,they are trying to be sociable..
When girls don't manage to be at home by 6-7pm,they are disregarding the society,and when boys do,they are just being bold..
And a helluva more..(all the MCPs, get lost)

The most frequent counter-question encountered is what exactly would be the condition of you girls if there was no one to check your activities..i should say,wtf.! If it was just the restrictions imposed by nature on the women that really mattered,then there has to be no female on the roads of any other city of the country after dusk..which for certain is not the case..

One can barely see any more than 10 ladies on the buses after 7pm,which otherwise is crowded with them, in kerala.. The working women of every other neighboring state move around freely even at 10pm without the fear of a molestation or whatever..but it sounds like the women here have got something extra to lose.. It has always been human psychology to encroach when something is veiled..and thats what exactly happens in the case of restricted women...once they have balls to face any situation not any soul is gonna quarry them..any theory has got its own exceptions,so does mine..

We are not living in 18th century,when women were to be pertained as just the chefs and the means of pleasure to the patriarchs.. We have embarked into the path of social upliftment when women are even considered in a space tour.. Girls have proved themselves at par with boys in almost all the arenas,girls do contribute profoundly to the family income,and girls do leave their foot-prints taut in the society..and they deserve a better treatment than as mellow cindrellas whose merits were not being recognized.. What we need is not a 33% reservation in the parliament or a fee concession in the schools but a better outlook towards the growth of the feminine lot..

"Is there any sex-distinction in the Atman (Self)? Out with the differentiation between man and woman—all is Atman! Give up the identification with the body, and stand up!",Swami Vivekananda

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Bonhomie..

2008-09-08T01:06:00.000-07:00

"How long do you think we are going to enjoy life..??",Shini asked me during one of our bunk hours..

Bunking and loitering around has become our only means of ENJOYMENT in this ever sucking college of mine.. It's not that there was not any paper which was a hard to miss one..but that it was those bone-cracking boring lectures which were hard to attend... It's been a honed hobby of mine to sit and brood how people manage to blabber in front of a crowd even after knowing that not any live soul was listening..

... '..Ma'am,how could you omit that term to reach that step..?',an enthused student upon whom slumber has not bestowed its caress yet.. '..Listen,we are performing a proof,and our only aim is to reach the final step somehow and prove the result..',.. has been an irrevocable scrap in the drama..may be some lecturers ad lib a bit and veil their ignorance diplomatically by saying .. '..See,that term is negligibly small and it doesn't matter any more in the derivation..' ..nevertheless,the effect remains the same.. FYI sit in such a stupid class and curse yourself to be destined to hear all these craps and sit numb castrating all your logic..

66 was not any number which was writ large for a big mob,..neither was it so diminutive to neglect.. If you are scratching your head thinking what my point was about this number,66 is my class strength..but frankly enough i still have a doubt if there were exactly 66 people in my class..not that my peers were extra silent and extra ordinarily decent not to mark their presence..but that with all these fucking 80% attendance and other disciplinary measures,the number has been plummeting sedately,with all those year-outs and suspensions and dismissals..

'How could someone not manage at least 80% attendance in a sem..?',as any other innocent fresher,even i had such doubtful mushrooms in my mind when in first year..innocence and age has always been inversely proportional you see..and as time sped by,like for every other rotting engineering aspirant condonations and year-outs have become entangled with the technical jargons..and sleeping in the class has just been the mere efforts to manage an 80+% attendance..

"WHAT?? Do you mean to say we are enjoying now..??You call this life rocking??",I almost barked at her.. I apologize if i failed to imbue the closeness in my words,but shini is my best friend..

"See,i didn't mean to blow a rock-on in this asylum..but we are at least having some fun,right?",well,she seemed to be satiated with her present situation..

"What do you mean girl.?Is just bunking and loitering,the yardsticks of fun? Or is just watching some movies,enjoyment?"

"Then what do you want us to do?Go to some disco clubs and dance? Or just hang around like stray animals?"

"I didn't mean to say that,you see.."

"Yeah,i know what you meant.I certainly didn't mean to say we were enjoying here..with all these sucking classes and the assignments and the sessionals and the ever dragging university exams,life is definitely mundane here..But see,there's something apart from the material happiness.."

Man,it's too easy to bullshit philosophies and advices,.even i do it myself since that's the only marketable product without a capital investment..but trust me,being at the receiving end is like being stranded in a hell..you can neither lurch apart nor can you speak back and slacken the other person's alacrity..i had no other go but to listen..

"..see,let alone the happiness you get from movies and discos and hang-outs and bunks.There's something else that you cherish through out your life.. and that's the friendship you secure.."
Alright,so she was not totally blunt..after all she had a point..

"So what was your point?How long do we enjoy means what?",i spoke after a long gap,.long enough,for mostly it might be me blabbering more in a conversation..

"I was asking how long will we be together..we just have a year left in the college and very less class hours with all those external projects coming amid the acads.. Mine was a rhetorical question,you dumb-ass.I didn't mean to gambit a discourse.. I was just sad how we'll meet up after the course..",She snapped back and then we had nothing more to talk about..sometimes silence conveys more than hollers..we just sat there morosely for a while,.and by that time bell rang and we left for the class..

Each friend represents a world in us,.a world possibly not born until they arrive..and it's only by this meeting that a new world is born.. They are the only ones who accept you the way you are,without expecting anything in return.. They are the only souls who pull your torso out when you are suffocating in a confined aisle..

Few
Relations
In
Earth
Never
Die

Life is all about friendship.. When you are young,parents and siblings are your friends.. Your peers take up that place in due course.. Then your spouse becomes your best friend.. In your old-age,your off-springs are your best pals.. Best of all relationships sprouts when you expect less.. As in the case of innocence and age, relationships and expectations do not always go hand-in-hand.. Love more,hope less..

Love you all,my dear sweet friends..amour tu cher ami..

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Memories..

2008-09-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

"Heart is enclosed in a double walled sac,the pericardium and in between its two layers,there's a pericardial fluid..and it prevents the friction between the heart walls and the tissue.."Annamma ma'am barked with her ever soothing sweet voice to make us understand.. It was always a paradox about her voice and its effect..

It was the 4th and the last hour of the forenoon session..like a marathon race,she had been teaching or lecturing or singing biology into our ears for the 3rd consecutive period..of course her perseverance needs special appraisal, for she continued blabbering even though she knew,not a centipede or millipede in the class was listening.. even chitra's songs wouldn't have succeeded so well when compared to annamma ma'am's lectures for we could never never help ourselves from dozing off if it was just her zoology that we were rapturously listening to.. this was not just a day's suffering..but we'd been going through this hell since the very first day of 11th std..

We'd discovered or invented every possible way to sneak out of her class..and each day started with the thoughts of escapism.. We became the most privileged visitors of the library for it was our nearest refugee camp.. We even became the most glorified nature lovers of the school until when the gardener started asking us,do you girls not have classes this period.. Physics and Chemistry labs were our next resort for that was far less asphyxiating when compared to the bio classes..

"God.! How long do i have to listen to this atrocity..will the bell not ring soon..?",i heard me mumbling to myself..

"Anand...!!!!!"

I suddenly jolted out of the reverie as i heard her holler someone's name..i looked around and felt even others were shuddered out of a dream..or may be my squint made it seem so..

"What happened?",i asked Nandita,she happened to be the one bearing my snores that day..
"I don't know,seems like Anand did some mischief..",she looked discomfited either..
"Which Anand..?",I asked..
If it's not obvious from the question,we had 2 ANANDs in our class.. Anand Sriram and Anand.C..
I didn't have to wait for her answer for i saw ma'am picking someone by his shirt.. Ohh yeah,it was Anand.C.. but what happened..? If it was the nap that mattered,even others were doing the same..!

"What was going on..? Gimme that book..!"
"Ma'am..please ma'am,i'm sorry.."
"I say gimme that book.!"
At last he surrendered and handed her the book.. Gosh.! It was his entrance material..must be,he was doing his homework for the day..

"I'll see to it that you don't get these books in your lifetime.."she ranted and went on with her class..

Bell rang.. She left the class after 5min of the bell.. that was her shortest possible relaxation time, and granted only because that happened to be the break time..

Why did i narrate all this..?
Yeah to elucidate how pathetic my attention was in that class..biology sucks..to the core..i cursed myself every single day on my decision to take bio-maths..i never understood how a mozzie respired or how a cockroach excreted..neither did i understand if an Australopithecus really had a brain..

Life went on with similar snippets of events occurring every single day..
I should say,it was not until my second pre-board that i really read at least a sentence of the bio text.. i was completely molested in the first pre-board.. that everyone was,of course.. But by the time second one arrived,my parents started whinging about my studies.. Even I thought it was time i sputter and start reading the Amarchitrakatha, for the boards were less than 3 months away..
The more i read the more dreadful it was..but nevertheless i could salvage myself from the fiasco this time.. In less than a month,the third exam came as well..and it went on fine too..(FINE only meant the overall gain was good, for, the input was very meager!)

And then came the monster..the giant dragon..the board exams..
Study hols started.. I started praying.. that's the only way out for bums like me and God is the only one apart from mom who tolerates my rants and raves in silence..
I studied studied studied..studied my ass of..i never understood anything in the Tinkle..neither could i mug up and regurgitate in the exams..but still i couldn't give up..it was no time to give up.. exams were in the offing spitting fire everywhere and if i shirked at that point,it was my end..

Monster dragon reached..3 hours of struggling in the hell-hole exam hall.. utter gibberish in my answer paper..

All the theory exams ended,giving way to the other petrifying ones..

2 months of lull between exams and results passed..
May 25th(not sure if it was 24th or 25th or 26th,at this point..but surely one of the three..!), the d-day..
I got up pretty early..started praying The Omnipotent,The Omnipresent,The Providence with all my cheesy prayers..
I switched on the pc and logged on to net well in advance..may be my parents thought,Wah.!how eager she is to get her results..only i could feel the dragon pirouetting inside my stomach..

8am..!!

I reloaded the page some 10-15times until i saw my name..
I prayed with my full heart..and glanced through the result once,..all A grades..God.! I reloaded again,.is that really my result or some other gayathri of some other school.. No it was mine..
I couldn't believe my eyes for it was that pathetic my performance in the exams..
But yeah,my climax was no melo.. It was yet another happy ending.. Yet another plays directed by the master evaluator.. yet another comedies written by Him..

It was only then that i got the drift that 'agar ending khush na ho tho picture abhi bhi baaki he mere dosth..!'

Khuda Hafiz
~Gayathri~

Passing clouds

..as dear to me as are the ruddy drops..

Hope of a better day

Another of my Blah Blahs

Filler!

And Here I Come!!

The Reality

Weirdo!!

How long will we remain silent?

Jai Hind *Choking with frustration and petulance*!!

A continuation..

The T!

A Chronicle of Fantasies..

The Black Book

8035 Days!!!

Infidelity

Thoughts..

Writer's Block!

The Burden of Love..

Busy..

Alive

What next?

Musings..

Pity..

Free Tutoring!!! :(

Phew!!!

Give.. You get more..

Stupor!!

A dip into diaries..

Journeys..

Moira

Is A always for Apple??

Copyrights duly paid!!

Encrypted?

Gibberish..

Legacy..

Lampoon..

Do i ace the test?

Remarks..

Pique..

Adieu

Conversation..

Pedigree..

Seppuku..

Danke schön! Danke!

Life (?)

The pestiferous contagious Tag virus..

Exams in the Air..

Looks can be deceptive,but most are happily gullible..

Metamorphosis

Love Shits again!

Romance Shits!

Träume

Memoirs revisited..

2009-'14

Me..Myself..

Burlesque!

Redeem India !!!

Helplessness..Frustration..Aggression!

Chaos Theory!

Tribute..

Final Sem..

Love..

Excruciating Advices..

A trip in the offing ;)

Catfights..

Hilarious..

Egalitarianism..

Souvenirs..

2008-Honor or Stigma..'?'

Amour..

Logjam..

Farce..

Immanence..

Petulance..

Bonhomie..

Memories..

Jai Hind Choking with frustration and petulance!!